So here's my question...do you ever have those moments that you just want to bottle up? Like the ones where God's face seems so close that you're certain you could reach out and tangibly touch it. Our memories in the minds and hearts God gave us are so special, but unfortunately with time they fade and the details become sketchy and there are some of those God's love washing over you moments that if you could just capture the luster and keep it...now that would be good stuff!!
I had a moment like that Saturday at our monthly OASIS gals gathering. Like it was so sacred that you just wanted to still life it in a bottle somehow to take back out and relive over and over and over again. To record every word that was said and the emotion of the moment and that feeling of God's love washing over me. It was literally like I heard Him say through another's words, Jen I absolutely adore you...we are in this together and there won't be a second of your life that I will not delight in walking through with you. It was beautiful!!! I can't remember another time in life when I felt Him any nearer or heard Him any clearer, and I don't want to lose that feeling.
Wonder if that's how Noah felt when he and his family got to leave the ark...or how Abraham felt when he got to offer a ram instead of his son...or how David felt when he was able to shoot a stone and knock Goliath dead...or how Mary felt when she heard the angel speak about giving birth to the Messiah. I wonder if Paul would tell you he desperately wanted to bottle his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus.
Think it's a reminder to me that there's a reason that those are the moments we want to bottle up and keep. We were born to live in intimate relationship with the Father and in those moments when we truly experience face to face encounters, we don't want to let them go....whether we recognize it at the time or not, we desperately want to live there! Heaven becomes a little more precious after each of those encounters because we get just a taste of what His holy hands touching our human cheeks might feel like.
I wonder... if that's where our bottles worth of sacred memories is stored up and some sweet day we'll get to relive all the really cherished ones all over again! Now wouldn't that be SWEET!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
53 Hours
In 53 hours from this moment, I will be leaving to head to the airport to journey once again to this country that has stolen my heart. I was trying to explain the feeling to someone the other day and the only phrase that kept coming to my mind was that it feels like "home for my soul." Not home as we conventionally think of it, because home has always represented a place where a bunch of people I love live. This is different, it's like settling down into this thing with God. Resting with Him. For now no more wanderings about what my life's purpose or passion is, my soul rests here where I believe with all of my heart God has led me. There's something really sweet about that.
Please keep us in your prayers. We'll depart Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12 am and our flight leaves at 6:18. I have to fly on a small plane, so for all of you who know me well please keep that in your prayers. :)
Please keep us in your prayers. We'll depart Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12 am and our flight leaves at 6:18. I have to fly on a small plane, so for all of you who know me well please keep that in your prayers. :)
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Just had to share
This was posted on Terry's picture page. This little girl's eyes are begging me to take her home with me. I see it. ;)5 DAYS my friends and I'll be there loving on kiddos again!
Will miss you guys this time around. Please pray that our hearts will be selfless and servant like and that God will use this time to teach us more about what it means to look and act like His Son.
Is she cute or WHAT??? But the sadness in those eyes....breaks my heart!
"To all those who mourn, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and praise instead of despair." Lord, may it be so!
Doing vs. Showing
I read a devotional this morning that made me think alot about what leading people to Christ means...maybe more specifically what "discipleship" means. Now I know that's not a word we use a whole lot in our fellowship, and I never really have figured out why, because God asked us to be disciples and make disciples, so it makes sense to me that we ought to be learning and teaching one another how to disciple but hey you know I do have some far out ideas at moments. :)
It began my philosophical thoughts for this day...about the idea of doing vs. showing. Of how we lead people to Christ and then help grow them up in Him. Not sure those are exactly the right words, but let me see if I can elaborate.
The devotional made me think about this moment in Honduras when we were building a house. It was towards the end of the day and we were racing to finish and had limited time before the sun went down. I had watched lots of other people on our team and so when it came time to chainsaw off the top posts or the sides, I always grabbed the saw and passed it to one of the guys and let them take care of that business. Well on this particular day, Timateo, this wonderfully kind, gentle, Honduran man who works with TORCH and has a heart from Heaven, looked at me and I handed him the chainsaw and he started it and handed it back to me with a big smile on his face. I thought he mistakenly thought I wanted to cut with the chainsaw and there was this overwhelming desire to use the chainsaw, and there absolutely was no desire. I was perfectly content with him taking care of that part, but I learned something through that. He stood beside me, showed me where I was to stand, and with motions because he speaks Spanish (and well I don't yet) showed me how I was to cut these boards. Then he allowed me to make the cut. Now what would have taken him 3 minutes took more like 15 or 20 (and did I mention we were in a hurry), and the cuts that he could have made look well crafted, well they didn't so much. That wasn't the point. He realized something that I didn't that day. You give people a gift when you show someone how and allow them to invest themselves in the project.
Ok jump with me now and I will try to make this thought clear. I think the same theory is true with our walk with Christ. I am afraid we sort of do the same thing with Jesus. It's like we've got our house to build...or in this case our soul to save. We've got a plan. Just like the house going up, you put up the posts first, and then one wall, another wall, etc. Everyone must do it exactly the same way. So we bring people inside the church door (and pretend as though that's the only place they may or may not see Jesus), incidentally I've learned far more about loving Jesus passionately by watching people outside the church walls than I ever have inside them. We teach them exactly how to think, even on preferential issues, and we make thoughtless carbon copies at moments who run into crisis when they need a faith of their own and don't have one because they've borrowed someone else's. We've "done it for them" so to speak and when they need spiritual maturity to handle difficult times, we've done little to nothing to help "show them" the way or help grow them up in Him. I'm not sure but when I'm honest with myself and I think about how I handle these situations, I wonder if it's not that we're scared to death to show them how to walk like Jesus because we're not sure we know ourselves, and are scared to death of what they might see if they watched too closely.
We're living in a time when that cannot be so. I say this as much to myself as anyone else. I haven't learned much from people doing things for me. Not much at all. But I can't tell you the lessons I've learned from watching people look like Jesus. See the term "disciple" literally means a follower of Jesus. It means you walk like He walked. You talk like He talked. You study Him, you make yourself resemble Him as much as possible in human flesh. You are covered in his dust because you are following so closely behind Him. Humbling isn't it. My life ought to be able to show people how you construct a life that is full of integrity, passion, purpose, and most of all intimacy with the One who loves my soul. And so very personally here I hit my knees for the ways I have been so quick to offer the "what to do's" and not been willing to do what it takes to show them how to live in love with Him.
It's the difference between holding the tool and showing and allowing someone else to use it for themselves. I learned how to run a chainsaw that day because I put my own hands on the saw. I learn how to love Jesus because I put my own heart on the altar. Not the platitudes, not the opinions of others, not the list...my heart, nothing more, nothing less. You disciple people I'm convinced by leading them to Jesus and to the book that shows us how He chose to live His life. If you want a pattern that's it. Then you walk beside them through learning how to do it. You don't do it for them. You do it with them.
I'm wondering what might happen if we stopped living like we cared what people saw if they watched closely. I have a dear friend who has gained wisdom from experiences with Christ that I've not had time or opportunity to have yet. Of all the gifts I've received on this earth, I don't know that there has been a more precious gift to my heart than the fact that she allows me to live near enough her heart that I get to watch her life. Not just the public what she does in front of people life, but the way she chooses to live with her family and her friends in the quiet moments, and probably at times when she doesn't know a soul is watching. I literally come home after time spent with her sometimes and take notes on what I learn from her life because I don't ever want to forget. I ask for advice at moments and she won't offer. She asks questions to help me come to conclusions within my own heart. What could take her 10 minutes to explain she allows me to process through for 2 hours sometimes 2 weeks. Always, always, always you'll hear her say well I think Jesus would have....or have you been in the Word, cause that's where I realign who I am and who He is. It's been a tremendous gift. She has learned something about showing someone how to create a faith in Christ rooted deep and a life full of the things that matter.
I guess I just want to live a life that shows it. A life that nurtures other souls. A life that allows people to live near and encourages them to run towards Jesus. I wanna be sure enough of Jesus that I trust Him with their hearts and leave my words out of it. I wanna be a show-er and not push my own agenda or my own creeds. I'm convinced if I'm living a sold out life for Jesus, I won't have to say much, my life will speak for itself. How foolish we will be if we continue to offer only what we can give or do, when His nail scarred hands offer the impossible.
Well now, guess that was the soapbox for this day. Help us Lord to hold the chainsaw in our own hands, better yet know You in our own hearts, deeply and intimately.
Blessings in abundance!
It began my philosophical thoughts for this day...about the idea of doing vs. showing. Of how we lead people to Christ and then help grow them up in Him. Not sure those are exactly the right words, but let me see if I can elaborate.
The devotional made me think about this moment in Honduras when we were building a house. It was towards the end of the day and we were racing to finish and had limited time before the sun went down. I had watched lots of other people on our team and so when it came time to chainsaw off the top posts or the sides, I always grabbed the saw and passed it to one of the guys and let them take care of that business. Well on this particular day, Timateo, this wonderfully kind, gentle, Honduran man who works with TORCH and has a heart from Heaven, looked at me and I handed him the chainsaw and he started it and handed it back to me with a big smile on his face. I thought he mistakenly thought I wanted to cut with the chainsaw and there was this overwhelming desire to use the chainsaw, and there absolutely was no desire. I was perfectly content with him taking care of that part, but I learned something through that. He stood beside me, showed me where I was to stand, and with motions because he speaks Spanish (and well I don't yet) showed me how I was to cut these boards. Then he allowed me to make the cut. Now what would have taken him 3 minutes took more like 15 or 20 (and did I mention we were in a hurry), and the cuts that he could have made look well crafted, well they didn't so much. That wasn't the point. He realized something that I didn't that day. You give people a gift when you show someone how and allow them to invest themselves in the project.
Ok jump with me now and I will try to make this thought clear. I think the same theory is true with our walk with Christ. I am afraid we sort of do the same thing with Jesus. It's like we've got our house to build...or in this case our soul to save. We've got a plan. Just like the house going up, you put up the posts first, and then one wall, another wall, etc. Everyone must do it exactly the same way. So we bring people inside the church door (and pretend as though that's the only place they may or may not see Jesus), incidentally I've learned far more about loving Jesus passionately by watching people outside the church walls than I ever have inside them. We teach them exactly how to think, even on preferential issues, and we make thoughtless carbon copies at moments who run into crisis when they need a faith of their own and don't have one because they've borrowed someone else's. We've "done it for them" so to speak and when they need spiritual maturity to handle difficult times, we've done little to nothing to help "show them" the way or help grow them up in Him. I'm not sure but when I'm honest with myself and I think about how I handle these situations, I wonder if it's not that we're scared to death to show them how to walk like Jesus because we're not sure we know ourselves, and are scared to death of what they might see if they watched too closely.
We're living in a time when that cannot be so. I say this as much to myself as anyone else. I haven't learned much from people doing things for me. Not much at all. But I can't tell you the lessons I've learned from watching people look like Jesus. See the term "disciple" literally means a follower of Jesus. It means you walk like He walked. You talk like He talked. You study Him, you make yourself resemble Him as much as possible in human flesh. You are covered in his dust because you are following so closely behind Him. Humbling isn't it. My life ought to be able to show people how you construct a life that is full of integrity, passion, purpose, and most of all intimacy with the One who loves my soul. And so very personally here I hit my knees for the ways I have been so quick to offer the "what to do's" and not been willing to do what it takes to show them how to live in love with Him.
It's the difference between holding the tool and showing and allowing someone else to use it for themselves. I learned how to run a chainsaw that day because I put my own hands on the saw. I learn how to love Jesus because I put my own heart on the altar. Not the platitudes, not the opinions of others, not the list...my heart, nothing more, nothing less. You disciple people I'm convinced by leading them to Jesus and to the book that shows us how He chose to live His life. If you want a pattern that's it. Then you walk beside them through learning how to do it. You don't do it for them. You do it with them.
I'm wondering what might happen if we stopped living like we cared what people saw if they watched closely. I have a dear friend who has gained wisdom from experiences with Christ that I've not had time or opportunity to have yet. Of all the gifts I've received on this earth, I don't know that there has been a more precious gift to my heart than the fact that she allows me to live near enough her heart that I get to watch her life. Not just the public what she does in front of people life, but the way she chooses to live with her family and her friends in the quiet moments, and probably at times when she doesn't know a soul is watching. I literally come home after time spent with her sometimes and take notes on what I learn from her life because I don't ever want to forget. I ask for advice at moments and she won't offer. She asks questions to help me come to conclusions within my own heart. What could take her 10 minutes to explain she allows me to process through for 2 hours sometimes 2 weeks. Always, always, always you'll hear her say well I think Jesus would have....or have you been in the Word, cause that's where I realign who I am and who He is. It's been a tremendous gift. She has learned something about showing someone how to create a faith in Christ rooted deep and a life full of the things that matter.
I guess I just want to live a life that shows it. A life that nurtures other souls. A life that allows people to live near and encourages them to run towards Jesus. I wanna be sure enough of Jesus that I trust Him with their hearts and leave my words out of it. I wanna be a show-er and not push my own agenda or my own creeds. I'm convinced if I'm living a sold out life for Jesus, I won't have to say much, my life will speak for itself. How foolish we will be if we continue to offer only what we can give or do, when His nail scarred hands offer the impossible.
Well now, guess that was the soapbox for this day. Help us Lord to hold the chainsaw in our own hands, better yet know You in our own hearts, deeply and intimately.
Blessings in abundance!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
"Following Love"
It's funny how life works isn't it. How one single experience can teach you so many things and spur insight that wouldn't have come any other way. This stepping out of the boat time is sort of like that. It's refining, it's challenging, it's thought provoking, it's clarifying. It's joy and sorrow living in exactly the same moment about exactly the same circumstance. It's realizing that following God doesn't always feel light and easy and we do a disservice to others when we present it as such. Taking up a cross has never been an easy concept and when I get the opportunity to share with someone what that means from now on it will come from a different perspective, a different place. Following Jesus is going to be HARD some days. It's going to go against everything that is natural because it involves being selfless and we have no idea how to do that, selfless doesn't come naturally. You have to work against yourself. It's true that we most often are our own worst enemy. But here's the better part of what I will also know to share from now on. There will be moments in the clenched fists and gritted teeth of walking it out that will absolutely blow your heart away, because they come so unexpectedly and sweep you off your feet. I think it happens because somewhere within your soul you know that you are following love. Not some mystical now it's here and tomorrow it may not be sort of love, but a love that compels you to take up a cross regardless of what's involved because you want to follow this perfect representation of pure true Love wherever He may lead. This knowing deep within your soul that following Him is the most right thing you've ever done. Not by your own merit, by huge buckets of His undeserved favor and grace.
I share with you today the lyrics to a song I hadn't listened to for over a year probably but that I heard the other day with different ears. It represents so much of what my heart feels. May we always follow Love wherever and whatever that may come to mean for each of us.
Follow Love
by Ffh
album: Ready to Fly
I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories
I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends
The rainy days and summer nights
Skipping stones by the river side
But i know.. its time to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I've got a heart thats full of dreams
and a little bit of crazy
I can feel it pulling me to somewhere i have never been
I'm packing up and leaving home
To travel into the great unknown
Its time, i have to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
Were not guarranted tomorrow
So we must just keep on living for today
and make the most of every moment
every step along the way...oh
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I must go, go and follow Love
I share with you today the lyrics to a song I hadn't listened to for over a year probably but that I heard the other day with different ears. It represents so much of what my heart feels. May we always follow Love wherever and whatever that may come to mean for each of us.
Follow Love
by Ffh
album: Ready to Fly
I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories
I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends
The rainy days and summer nights
Skipping stones by the river side
But i know.. its time to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I've got a heart thats full of dreams
and a little bit of crazy
I can feel it pulling me to somewhere i have never been
I'm packing up and leaving home
To travel into the great unknown
Its time, i have to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
Were not guarranted tomorrow
So we must just keep on living for today
and make the most of every moment
every step along the way...oh
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I must go, go and follow Love
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
His Body
I'm feeling this sort of relief this morning as though God thought it time to help me put a name to this heaviness I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I am a processor and so I always want to know what that crummy feeling is and why it is there and sometimes in an effort to figure that out I drive myself absolutely nuts. Anyone been there? It's like you can't deal with it until you name it. So I'm naming it today.
I'm gonna miss being the body with these folks. There it is in it's simplest form. I've stated it in lots of ways that just didn't seem to do justice. This encapsulates it well I think.
Here's the crux of the heart of it. For the last 5 years I have caught a holy glimpse into something that sometimes becomes incredibly mundane as a part of our "Christianese", and today I'm realizing what a terrific gift it has been. I've seen what it means to be a part of the body. Now let me confess that I get as frustrated as anyone about the ways we play church sometimes and I've voiced lots of my frustrations (not necessarily a statement I'm proud to make). I've at times been cynical and pessimistic. Leaving this place in 105 days has put some things into perspective though I must say. Because as I'm looking at the past 5 years and reflecting on some things, these are the things that are coming to mind.
We've laughed together. We've cried together. We have served others together. We've stood beside one another looking at hurting impoverished children and wept together. We've been undone together (Sherman). We've sat around a bible study circle with 9 other women weekly for the past two years and we've been vulnerable and real with one another. We've showed up when a need was there. We've taken our eyes off of ourselves to see the pain of another and attempt to be Jesus' hands and feet in response to it. We've walked together through struggles that were DIFFICULT at best. We've confessed and we've repented in the presence of one another. I just went forward a couple months ago to ask for prayers about this going to Honduras stuff and the strength to walk this out and was within seconds surrounded by people who loved me who sat with me and cried with me up there on what is often a lonely front pew. We've spent time doing life together. I've been mentored and encouraged by godly older women. We've had conversations that were way deep over cups of tea that will forever be etched in my mind because wisdom from Heaven was shared. We have prayed real prayers together that come from the depths of our hearts and we've rejoiced in tears as some of them came true, as if the prayers had become ours and not yours or theirs. The prayers that have answers we continue to wait upon we've banded together in armies of prayer and continue to battle together from our knees. We've worshipped in corporate worship together and we've worshipped together while riding in our cars or in our homes. We've sought God's face together and are so much richer because of it. And that's just the beginning of the list.
We've done life together. Not the Sunday come in and look good (while we all still have moments of doing that) but God in His grace and mercy has granted us the opportunity to have something deeper than Sunday morning fellowship. I think partly due to the fact that I am young and single I've been invited into people's homes often for meals and "family" time. It's given me such neat opportunities to do life with so many folks. I treasure the loving God in the middle of doing life times more than any others.
I know that the body of Christ exists all over this world and in a few years I pray I'll be telling you the same things about folks in Honduras that I am able to "do life" with, and I pray that there will be other seeking hurting souls who come in looking for a home that you wrap your arms and your hearts around so that they may come to know and love Christ and get the privilege and honor of doing life with this body. For right now though I'm gonna miss doing life and being the body with you guys. Thank you for your arms and your feet and your hearts and your hands and your minds and all that you've offered in His name to my life. Maybe even more touching than those things you've added to my life however, has been the joy I have been able to experience as I've watched you give those things away to others. I stand in tears and beam with pride sometimes at the way you give yourselves away and compel me to do better at doing the same. Your hearts are beautiful and they've touched me in ways you may never ever know. It has been an absolute privilege to begin to learn what it really truly means to be the body of Christ in this world with you. I pray we never ever forget the beauty there is in that alone.
You're precious. I love ya!
Thank you Lord for allowing us to become a part of this family, Your Body, and thank you that though we mess some things up, there are precious moments when we realize that there have been some things You've helped us get right. Thank you for the gift of getting to learn how to be Your body with some really precious people. May we always take what we've learned together and apply it in this world wherever You need us to be. We love you beyond our ability to say so! Amen
I'm gonna miss being the body with these folks. There it is in it's simplest form. I've stated it in lots of ways that just didn't seem to do justice. This encapsulates it well I think.
Here's the crux of the heart of it. For the last 5 years I have caught a holy glimpse into something that sometimes becomes incredibly mundane as a part of our "Christianese", and today I'm realizing what a terrific gift it has been. I've seen what it means to be a part of the body. Now let me confess that I get as frustrated as anyone about the ways we play church sometimes and I've voiced lots of my frustrations (not necessarily a statement I'm proud to make). I've at times been cynical and pessimistic. Leaving this place in 105 days has put some things into perspective though I must say. Because as I'm looking at the past 5 years and reflecting on some things, these are the things that are coming to mind.
We've laughed together. We've cried together. We have served others together. We've stood beside one another looking at hurting impoverished children and wept together. We've been undone together (Sherman). We've sat around a bible study circle with 9 other women weekly for the past two years and we've been vulnerable and real with one another. We've showed up when a need was there. We've taken our eyes off of ourselves to see the pain of another and attempt to be Jesus' hands and feet in response to it. We've walked together through struggles that were DIFFICULT at best. We've confessed and we've repented in the presence of one another. I just went forward a couple months ago to ask for prayers about this going to Honduras stuff and the strength to walk this out and was within seconds surrounded by people who loved me who sat with me and cried with me up there on what is often a lonely front pew. We've spent time doing life together. I've been mentored and encouraged by godly older women. We've had conversations that were way deep over cups of tea that will forever be etched in my mind because wisdom from Heaven was shared. We have prayed real prayers together that come from the depths of our hearts and we've rejoiced in tears as some of them came true, as if the prayers had become ours and not yours or theirs. The prayers that have answers we continue to wait upon we've banded together in armies of prayer and continue to battle together from our knees. We've worshipped in corporate worship together and we've worshipped together while riding in our cars or in our homes. We've sought God's face together and are so much richer because of it. And that's just the beginning of the list.
We've done life together. Not the Sunday come in and look good (while we all still have moments of doing that) but God in His grace and mercy has granted us the opportunity to have something deeper than Sunday morning fellowship. I think partly due to the fact that I am young and single I've been invited into people's homes often for meals and "family" time. It's given me such neat opportunities to do life with so many folks. I treasure the loving God in the middle of doing life times more than any others.
I know that the body of Christ exists all over this world and in a few years I pray I'll be telling you the same things about folks in Honduras that I am able to "do life" with, and I pray that there will be other seeking hurting souls who come in looking for a home that you wrap your arms and your hearts around so that they may come to know and love Christ and get the privilege and honor of doing life with this body. For right now though I'm gonna miss doing life and being the body with you guys. Thank you for your arms and your feet and your hearts and your hands and your minds and all that you've offered in His name to my life. Maybe even more touching than those things you've added to my life however, has been the joy I have been able to experience as I've watched you give those things away to others. I stand in tears and beam with pride sometimes at the way you give yourselves away and compel me to do better at doing the same. Your hearts are beautiful and they've touched me in ways you may never ever know. It has been an absolute privilege to begin to learn what it really truly means to be the body of Christ in this world with you. I pray we never ever forget the beauty there is in that alone.
You're precious. I love ya!
Thank you Lord for allowing us to become a part of this family, Your Body, and thank you that though we mess some things up, there are precious moments when we realize that there have been some things You've helped us get right. Thank you for the gift of getting to learn how to be Your body with some really precious people. May we always take what we've learned together and apply it in this world wherever You need us to be. We love you beyond our ability to say so! Amen
Friday, July 08, 2005
When God Asks
My friend Donna gave me a book a couple years ago for Christmas that I love. On each page it starts out with When God Asks...then poses a question to ponder. So we're gonna go for a little more interactive blog today instead of you reading my ramblings let me read some of yours. You can leave me comments by clicking on the comment link at the bottom of this post and typing something in and clicking anonymous if you don't have a blogger username and password (just make sure to put your name somewhere in your comment if you want me to know who you are).
Here goes...
When God asks, Do you allow your head to deprive your heart, what will you say?
Ponder away, I think it's in our quiet moments of letting God speak that we learn most. I pray this is one of those as many of these have been for me.
Here goes...
When God asks, Do you allow your head to deprive your heart, what will you say?
Ponder away, I think it's in our quiet moments of letting God speak that we learn most. I pray this is one of those as many of these have been for me.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Terry's trip
Hey gang...just wanted to let you all know that you should check out Terry's trip blog. It has all kinds of pictures and details about all that's being done there and it's wonderful. Check it out at http://childrenoftheking.blogspot.com
Can't go into too much of this without being a weepy mess but Terry is some kind of special. The short version of this God story is that hundreds upon hundreds of people have been influenced by his love for God and his love for Honduras. He was one of the original founders of TORCH and has been going for the past 10+ years, and now several times each year. He was so much of the reason that I ever chose to go and I owe him a lot for the way He made God and the treasures of this place recognizable to me.
Now while Terry would never let this define him (and precisely the reason I think of him each time I hear the word giant) he's involved in a vicious battle with cancer presently. I remember over a year ago getting word from Margaret that Terry was going to have to have a biopsy for a spot on his back. We all began to pray then that God woud heal Terry and that this all would go away. The results came back and it was mellanoma and a very aggressive form of mellanoma but it hadn't gotten into his lymph nodes or some other very good signs. The doctor's didn't give a real promising diagnosis however and the percentages looked pretty grim. Terry fought and we prayed and he continued to work on fire for the Lord and go a mile a minute as he does and the doctors were amazed at how well he came through all of that. When he went for his checkup though a few months ago they found a few spots on his belly and it had gotten into his lymph nodes and so he had a spot removed and talked with his doctor and said "look, I'll do whatever you need me to do that will best help in this situation but I have a trip coming up for the month of July where I'm taking about 200 people to Honduras and if I could wait until after that for the rest of the procedures I'd sure like to." So the specialist told him that waiting until after Honduras wasn't going to change anything or put him at risk and so right now my friend Terry is leading a trip in Honduras, I have no doubt being loving and inspiring, doing what his heart most loves, while his body is fighting off a nasty disease.
I love this guy, and I write all this today to share with you his blog and the cool things that are going on in Honduras and I suppose to tell you about another one of my favorite people in the world, but beyond any of that, I am begging that you will become another one in this army of prayer on behalf of Terry and his family. God is faithful and we trust Him to work all of this to His good, it's just that in this human heart I want to get to walk with him for a while through some of the dreams God has for all of us.
Terry--thanks buddy for what you've done for so many of us when you knew we were watching and when you had no idea. Your example and your genuine love for Jesus has been a huge influence in my life and the lives of so many others. I love you truly and deeply!
Can't go into too much of this without being a weepy mess but Terry is some kind of special. The short version of this God story is that hundreds upon hundreds of people have been influenced by his love for God and his love for Honduras. He was one of the original founders of TORCH and has been going for the past 10+ years, and now several times each year. He was so much of the reason that I ever chose to go and I owe him a lot for the way He made God and the treasures of this place recognizable to me.
Now while Terry would never let this define him (and precisely the reason I think of him each time I hear the word giant) he's involved in a vicious battle with cancer presently. I remember over a year ago getting word from Margaret that Terry was going to have to have a biopsy for a spot on his back. We all began to pray then that God woud heal Terry and that this all would go away. The results came back and it was mellanoma and a very aggressive form of mellanoma but it hadn't gotten into his lymph nodes or some other very good signs. The doctor's didn't give a real promising diagnosis however and the percentages looked pretty grim. Terry fought and we prayed and he continued to work on fire for the Lord and go a mile a minute as he does and the doctors were amazed at how well he came through all of that. When he went for his checkup though a few months ago they found a few spots on his belly and it had gotten into his lymph nodes and so he had a spot removed and talked with his doctor and said "look, I'll do whatever you need me to do that will best help in this situation but I have a trip coming up for the month of July where I'm taking about 200 people to Honduras and if I could wait until after that for the rest of the procedures I'd sure like to." So the specialist told him that waiting until after Honduras wasn't going to change anything or put him at risk and so right now my friend Terry is leading a trip in Honduras, I have no doubt being loving and inspiring, doing what his heart most loves, while his body is fighting off a nasty disease.
I love this guy, and I write all this today to share with you his blog and the cool things that are going on in Honduras and I suppose to tell you about another one of my favorite people in the world, but beyond any of that, I am begging that you will become another one in this army of prayer on behalf of Terry and his family. God is faithful and we trust Him to work all of this to His good, it's just that in this human heart I want to get to walk with him for a while through some of the dreams God has for all of us.
Terry--thanks buddy for what you've done for so many of us when you knew we were watching and when you had no idea. Your example and your genuine love for Jesus has been a huge influence in my life and the lives of so many others. I love you truly and deeply!
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Yep Still Human
Life is good and God is faithful and yet one thing remains the same....I'm still human. I spent some time with some of my favorite people last night that my heart absolutely adores and I was neither kind nor gentle. I was not honoring or encouraging. As a matter of fact I was a poop. Somewhere along the way I learned that being a smartalleck, sarcastic, and being punky were defense mechanisms to avoid all the other emotion that's going on in your heart and so when my heart feels full of "stuff" and I'm not quite sure how to process all of it, or when my heart hurts and I don't want to deal with it, or who knows when else, I default there.
I hate those times. HATE THEM!!! I'm a firstborn and so there's a part of me that wants perfection. I want to be a perfect friend, I want to be a perfect daughter, I want to be a perfect...well I just want to be perfect in the ways I deem important. The only thing that gets in the way of that is that I live in this human body and operate out of a human heart. It never yields perfect. There are moments of good, no doubt. There are also moments of horrible. I can't seem to get rid of those imperfect moments no matter how hard I try.
Which gives me two options I suppose...1) I beat the tar out of myself for not being perfect (which I happen to be VERY good at) and guilt myself senseless thinking about what I should be and how I should act and how lousy I am that I continue to screw up and well I'm sure you very well know this option. We're good at condemnation. The great news is though that I'm learning I have another choice 2) I apologize to those people who witnessed the effect of my default, I pray my gutts out for God's Spirit to come and take over and make me more kind and gentle and full of His love and operate more out of His heart instead of my own and then I throw myself under a cross and let His blood cover my humanness and remind myself that I am being sanctified even as we speak, but that one thing about me is perfect right now...my being made righteous has been covered and I stand before God lovely because of the blood of His Son.
So today I wake up and I'm still human and as much as I'd like to bring Him a more excellent sacrifice I bring all that I am and trust Him to make something more of it than I know how to.
Thank you Lord that you continue to love and work in us regardless of our junk. Help me to realize that my being human only gives me greater opportunity to worship Your holiness. Help me to choose to.
I hate those times. HATE THEM!!! I'm a firstborn and so there's a part of me that wants perfection. I want to be a perfect friend, I want to be a perfect daughter, I want to be a perfect...well I just want to be perfect in the ways I deem important. The only thing that gets in the way of that is that I live in this human body and operate out of a human heart. It never yields perfect. There are moments of good, no doubt. There are also moments of horrible. I can't seem to get rid of those imperfect moments no matter how hard I try.
Which gives me two options I suppose...1) I beat the tar out of myself for not being perfect (which I happen to be VERY good at) and guilt myself senseless thinking about what I should be and how I should act and how lousy I am that I continue to screw up and well I'm sure you very well know this option. We're good at condemnation. The great news is though that I'm learning I have another choice 2) I apologize to those people who witnessed the effect of my default, I pray my gutts out for God's Spirit to come and take over and make me more kind and gentle and full of His love and operate more out of His heart instead of my own and then I throw myself under a cross and let His blood cover my humanness and remind myself that I am being sanctified even as we speak, but that one thing about me is perfect right now...my being made righteous has been covered and I stand before God lovely because of the blood of His Son.
So today I wake up and I'm still human and as much as I'd like to bring Him a more excellent sacrifice I bring all that I am and trust Him to make something more of it than I know how to.
Thank you Lord that you continue to love and work in us regardless of our junk. Help me to realize that my being human only gives me greater opportunity to worship Your holiness. Help me to choose to.
Friday, July 01, 2005
His Glory
Am working through a Beth Moore workbook right now entitled Breaking Free. I highly recommend it but sssshhhh don't tell my bible study girls because I gave them such a hard time about not wanting to do this really intense study. It's sort of like having your soul exposed in front of everyone. So in my ocd kind of way I decided I was going to work through the book before I went through it with all of them to see what I was in for. That was completely God allowing me the opportunity to do it more than once. It is amazing and the beauty of it is that regardless of whether you share much of it with anyone else or not, you stand exposed before God which is an absolutely beautiful experience. The subtitle of the book is "Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life." That speaks to me cause I want the whole deal. I don't want bits and pieces of the life He's planned and I don't want to walk half shackled through the rest of it. I want Him to take those shackles off my feet so I can dance. (Ok so maybe the dancing might have to wait until Heaven with my feet but I want my soul to dance)
Anyway, I say all that to share this snippet with you from the lesson I did today. She was talking about one of our benefits of the Christian life is to glorify God. Now while that has always sounded really nice and has become a part of our "Christianese" I never had really sat down to pick apart the term "glory." Here's what I learned today based on scripture references all over the place. God's glory is the way He chooses to make Himself recognizable to the world. Then in Isaiah it says those who were called by name were created for His glory.
I, Jennifer Lynn Wright, was created to make Him recognizable to the world. Wow that pierced my heart today. For the rest of my life, my job description, the one thing He created me to do was to make Him recognizable to the world. So whatever I eat or whatever I drink or whatever I do I shall do my best to do it all for the glory of God. It just increases the importance of everything.
I'm learning, thank you God that you continue to teach us. May we each take to heart our privilege in making you known to this world. That you would choose to risk your name on this life is a humbling, tear jerking, terrific honor. I love you so much!
Anyway, I say all that to share this snippet with you from the lesson I did today. She was talking about one of our benefits of the Christian life is to glorify God. Now while that has always sounded really nice and has become a part of our "Christianese" I never had really sat down to pick apart the term "glory." Here's what I learned today based on scripture references all over the place. God's glory is the way He chooses to make Himself recognizable to the world. Then in Isaiah it says those who were called by name were created for His glory.
I, Jennifer Lynn Wright, was created to make Him recognizable to the world. Wow that pierced my heart today. For the rest of my life, my job description, the one thing He created me to do was to make Him recognizable to the world. So whatever I eat or whatever I drink or whatever I do I shall do my best to do it all for the glory of God. It just increases the importance of everything.
I'm learning, thank you God that you continue to teach us. May we each take to heart our privilege in making you known to this world. That you would choose to risk your name on this life is a humbling, tear jerking, terrific honor. I love you so much!
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