You know the only bad thing about letting people into your heart and life is that the ebbs and flows eventually carry with it moments of attempting to let them go out of your daily life. Experienced so much of that when I came here. Difficult sacrifices were not the things or the luxuries of life...really...but the people, shewww still a difficult one somedays. I'll be perfectly honest and tell you I wasn't expecting to come here and develop friendships quickly that were deep and real and authentic. I wasn't. I don't do that easily (although perhaps I'm getting better) and honestly I wasn't convinced I wanted to fill the empty spaces left from some of my favorite people with any new people because I knew how bad my heart ached when I left them. Color me silly but I wasn't sure I wanted to sign up for that again.
Yep silly me...here I am again...sat today in the middle of Church's Chicken with tears rolling clear down my cheeks and watched some other people I love do the same thing. Watched two grown men who have deeply journeyed together in this faith walk attempt to say goodbye to the way things have been for a while now and as one of them walked out the door the other one put his hands to his head and just cried, watched some boys I love more than life already at this point get hugged on and loved on by Uncle Joe and had to turn my head because I couldn't watch as he tenderly hugged them and told them he loved them.
You see I was reminded again today of a few really important things. I want to live my life in such a way that no matter how long God may allow me to stay in one place, there is a void when I leave, not because I'm anything spectacular necessarily, but because I've invested enough of myself in people that there's something to miss when I'm gone. I watched people who had been invested in today feel a void, a big void in the absence of our dear friend. Guess the second thing I was reminded of was that no matter how much it hurts or how bad it aches some days, real, deep, genuine friendships will always be worth it. I want to live open to them always. Allowing God to move people into my heart, challenging me to be a part of authentic community, and be better and richer because of it.
One of my favorite quotes for a while as cheesy as it is has been, "Some people walk into our lives and quickly go, some people leave footprints on our hearts and we are NEVER the same." -- You left some way big footprints here Joe and I know Karen and I have been so changed by your love, encouragment, and friendship. Parts of me will never be the same again because you've been a part of God changing places in my heart. Thank you for offering us your friendship. I am so much better because of it.
You keep running hard after Jesus my friend and we'll see you there - and miss you like crazy in the dailyness of here!
Monday, July 24, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
To My Brother...
Joe,
I've sat down to write this letter probably 5 times now and I'm having the hardest time coming up with the right words. It's just that there's so much left to say and no words left to say all of it with. Looked at the calendar yesterday and realized that in two weeks this chapter of life as it is now will be behind you and while I know the things you're moving on to have totally captured your heart, as is evidenced by that ever present grin on your face, there's gonna be a HUGE void here and think you should know it.
Joe, when you moved out to Santa Ana, I know you weren't crazy about the idea. You didn't want to be so far out of the city, it wasn't nearly as convenient, and I totally understand all of that. I am so incredibly grateful that you did however. In those couple months I gained a brother. Not just a friend that you really enjoy hanging out with and spending time around, but a brother that if ever given a choice I'd lay in the middle of the road for. In a few short months God has done this really cool thing and He's just sort of taken some hearts that love this place a whole bunch, put them together in the same place for a bit and formed a community that has taught me a thousand lessons.
Joe we've laughed together, we've cried together, we've prayed together, we've built together, we've planned trips together, we've loved on kiddo's together, and there will always be a trillion memories here that will have your heart attached to them.
Won't be able to build a house here without thinking about your selfless service you offer in your quiet and humble way as you lead and guide "newbies" who've never helped to put a roof over a Honduran families head before.
Won't be able to look at these little guys and hear them say "Tio Jose" without seeing your face and remembering how much they adore you already in just a weeks time.
Won't be able to see the words "El Rey" and not chuckle under my breath remembering how many times we've laughed and just enjoyed life together, and how many times you patiently took my ribbing when I chose to dish it out.
Won't ever sit on our back porch without thinking about hours and hours spent out there talking about life and what God was teaching us and realizing that hours spent out there nestled you way down deep into this heart.
Won't look at many children without seeing visions of you throwing them up in the air, being scared to death you'd drop one anytime and then watching them ask you to do it again and again and again.
But perhaps the thing I'll remember most about you being here my brother is the way I watched you bend down a thousand times to a hurting soul...old young or in between and love people like Jesus. You never did it for a pat on the back, you never bragged after it was done. Most often I watched you walk away with a tear in your eye and a burden on your heart - think Jesus probably did too. You offered your life here with a sweet humility and had every opportunity to become prideful or calloused to much of it and even now I watch your heart still be able to be broken.
Your love for this place Joe is inspiring not just to me buddy but to so many of my friends from home who have come to know and love you, to teams who come every summer who have been blessed by your servant heart, and countless others that it would be impossible to name.
So Joe this letter isn't just mine. It's from all of us, who've been blessed to be among you, to serve beside you, to journey with you. Thank you for everything you offered in His name here...much of which you'll not see the benefits of until Heaven I feel sure. It will be a beautiful sight to watch some brown eyes and brown skin folks walking up to you there and thanking you for showing them Him.
You are indeed the "brother I always wanted." Thankful that because of this year we've gotten to spend here, you're the brother I'll now get to keep.
I love you buddy and I wish you all the very best life has to offer. Wherever the road leads next, they're way blessed to get your heart.
We'll miss you so very very much!!
I've sat down to write this letter probably 5 times now and I'm having the hardest time coming up with the right words. It's just that there's so much left to say and no words left to say all of it with. Looked at the calendar yesterday and realized that in two weeks this chapter of life as it is now will be behind you and while I know the things you're moving on to have totally captured your heart, as is evidenced by that ever present grin on your face, there's gonna be a HUGE void here and think you should know it.
Joe, when you moved out to Santa Ana, I know you weren't crazy about the idea. You didn't want to be so far out of the city, it wasn't nearly as convenient, and I totally understand all of that. I am so incredibly grateful that you did however. In those couple months I gained a brother. Not just a friend that you really enjoy hanging out with and spending time around, but a brother that if ever given a choice I'd lay in the middle of the road for. In a few short months God has done this really cool thing and He's just sort of taken some hearts that love this place a whole bunch, put them together in the same place for a bit and formed a community that has taught me a thousand lessons.
Joe we've laughed together, we've cried together, we've prayed together, we've built together, we've planned trips together, we've loved on kiddo's together, and there will always be a trillion memories here that will have your heart attached to them.
Won't be able to build a house here without thinking about your selfless service you offer in your quiet and humble way as you lead and guide "newbies" who've never helped to put a roof over a Honduran families head before.
Won't be able to look at these little guys and hear them say "Tio Jose" without seeing your face and remembering how much they adore you already in just a weeks time.
Won't be able to see the words "El Rey" and not chuckle under my breath remembering how many times we've laughed and just enjoyed life together, and how many times you patiently took my ribbing when I chose to dish it out.
Won't ever sit on our back porch without thinking about hours and hours spent out there talking about life and what God was teaching us and realizing that hours spent out there nestled you way down deep into this heart.
Won't look at many children without seeing visions of you throwing them up in the air, being scared to death you'd drop one anytime and then watching them ask you to do it again and again and again.
But perhaps the thing I'll remember most about you being here my brother is the way I watched you bend down a thousand times to a hurting soul...old young or in between and love people like Jesus. You never did it for a pat on the back, you never bragged after it was done. Most often I watched you walk away with a tear in your eye and a burden on your heart - think Jesus probably did too. You offered your life here with a sweet humility and had every opportunity to become prideful or calloused to much of it and even now I watch your heart still be able to be broken.
Your love for this place Joe is inspiring not just to me buddy but to so many of my friends from home who have come to know and love you, to teams who come every summer who have been blessed by your servant heart, and countless others that it would be impossible to name.
So Joe this letter isn't just mine. It's from all of us, who've been blessed to be among you, to serve beside you, to journey with you. Thank you for everything you offered in His name here...much of which you'll not see the benefits of until Heaven I feel sure. It will be a beautiful sight to watch some brown eyes and brown skin folks walking up to you there and thanking you for showing them Him.
You are indeed the "brother I always wanted." Thankful that because of this year we've gotten to spend here, you're the brother I'll now get to keep.
I love you buddy and I wish you all the very best life has to offer. Wherever the road leads next, they're way blessed to get your heart.
We'll miss you so very very much!!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
A Zephaniah 3 Moment
So I was on baby patrol last night, which basically just means I take the monitor to my room for the night and am in charge of getting up when he gets up. I literally pray on those nights, as horrible as this is, ok God will you PLEASE just let him sleep until 5??!! PLEASE!!!! I can do 5, I can not do 3. I can not do 4. Please God just 5 please. Ok now for those of you who know me, you know God wired a night owl in this body and well let's just say there's a short circuit on the we love mornings fuse. I don't wake up singing. (I don't like people who do :) )
Anyway, but there's this really weird thing happening...ok now let me preface this...when I hear this little cry coming over the monitor I do not always think, "Oh I have a great life, allow me to get out of my bed and rush into greet this little one" No it's usually this stumble all over myself trying to wake up, clammoring to find my keys to get into the other side of the building, growling to myself wondering why in the world he is awake at this hour...but then it happens in the quiet of the night, I see this little face peering up over his crib waiting for "me" to come in and take care of him. There were moments last night when that was an overwhelming thought. He needs "me." Piddly ole me.
So I sit down in that rocking chair and I snuggle his little sweet self and I remind him that I love him and that Jesus loves him and then usually at some point I begin to sing. I Love You Lord has sort of just found it's way into being one of my favorite lullabies. Last night while I was singing (and for those of you have heard me sing you know this is no testimony to my own ability to carry a tune in a bucket...but) the baby had his head rared back just boo hooing and when I started to sing he put his head against my head and put his little ear right up to my mouth while I sang. Thought hmmm he's starting to know this screechy voice and then this thought came...I wonder if this is exactly what the verses are talking about in Zephaniah 3 where it says that "He rejoices over you with singing and will quiet you with His love"
In the dark night moments of my life when in my own ways I want stand in my "crib" wait for Him to come to the rescue and while waiting want to boohoo and wail, I want to remember that sweet picture...so that I might remember that even now there's a God in Heaven who is singing and if I just put my ear right up close to Him I'll hear His voice and He will undoubtedly quiet my heart with His love because I know His voice and there's nothing like it.
Bend your ear close, He's singing over you too!!
Anyway, but there's this really weird thing happening...ok now let me preface this...when I hear this little cry coming over the monitor I do not always think, "Oh I have a great life, allow me to get out of my bed and rush into greet this little one" No it's usually this stumble all over myself trying to wake up, clammoring to find my keys to get into the other side of the building, growling to myself wondering why in the world he is awake at this hour...but then it happens in the quiet of the night, I see this little face peering up over his crib waiting for "me" to come in and take care of him. There were moments last night when that was an overwhelming thought. He needs "me." Piddly ole me.
So I sit down in that rocking chair and I snuggle his little sweet self and I remind him that I love him and that Jesus loves him and then usually at some point I begin to sing. I Love You Lord has sort of just found it's way into being one of my favorite lullabies. Last night while I was singing (and for those of you have heard me sing you know this is no testimony to my own ability to carry a tune in a bucket...but) the baby had his head rared back just boo hooing and when I started to sing he put his head against my head and put his little ear right up to my mouth while I sang. Thought hmmm he's starting to know this screechy voice and then this thought came...I wonder if this is exactly what the verses are talking about in Zephaniah 3 where it says that "He rejoices over you with singing and will quiet you with His love"
In the dark night moments of my life when in my own ways I want stand in my "crib" wait for Him to come to the rescue and while waiting want to boohoo and wail, I want to remember that sweet picture...so that I might remember that even now there's a God in Heaven who is singing and if I just put my ear right up close to Him I'll hear His voice and He will undoubtedly quiet my heart with His love because I know His voice and there's nothing like it.
Bend your ear close, He's singing over you too!!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
And It's a Hallelujah Day...
This sweet little guy finally decides these white girls might not be so bad after all...that's right that is him smiling at us!! Thank You LORD!!! :):):) Think his ear infections are gone and he is feeling better so he's a much happier baby since last night. Yay for us...yay for him!! 
A Few Updated Pictures...
Mr. Franciso...aka "Chubs" with the cutest dimples you have EVER seen!! 
Me and Yovani after we had read ohhhh I think 15 books the other night together on the couch! 
"Uncle Jeff" helping Francisco with his "coke in a bag." This little guy loves him and I know it wouldn't be real macho to say so but Uncle Jeff is pretty doggone taken with him too! :) 
"Tio Jose" who is an absolute hit with the boys around here. This is at Didasko the other day when we were out there to visit. He was assisting the monkey on the bars.Have I mentioned lately that we are having so much fun with these little guys. They are precious precious precious!!
Have a feeling for a while all my blogs are gonna involve "little people." They're taking over my heart!!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Just A Few Questions...
1) Who in the world made a child's internal clock to think that somewhere between 6 and 7 a.m. it was time to rise and shine and not slowly rise and shine but to rise and be in mach 9 speed in .2 seconds?
2) Why does this baby hate white people? :)
3) Is there anything better than walking into a room full of kiddo's to tuck them in for the night, all dressed in their adorable little pj's, getting kisses on your cheek from each of them and getting to pillow your head knowing that right near you sleep 5 little souls that you get to love on and invest in and thinking that at this moment you might possibly be the luckiest girl in the world to get this opportunity for "such a time as this?"
4) And last but not least...have you told your mother thank you lately...this is HARD WORK...beautifully hard work, but hard nonetheless...I am pooped!! SO goodnight...
Stay tuned until after bedtime another night :):)
2) Why does this baby hate white people? :)
3) Is there anything better than walking into a room full of kiddo's to tuck them in for the night, all dressed in their adorable little pj's, getting kisses on your cheek from each of them and getting to pillow your head knowing that right near you sleep 5 little souls that you get to love on and invest in and thinking that at this moment you might possibly be the luckiest girl in the world to get this opportunity for "such a time as this?"
4) And last but not least...have you told your mother thank you lately...this is HARD WORK...beautifully hard work, but hard nonetheless...I am pooped!! SO goodnight...
Stay tuned until after bedtime another night :):)
Saturday, July 01, 2006
MEET THE TRIBE...
Jody this picture's just for you. These hooligans are LOVING your playground. What a crew...we are POOPED but are so loving having these little guys around. Makes every paint stroke and scraped floor and whatever else so worth it when you watch them crawl up into their beds at night under those sweet comforters, and play in that room with those toys, and eat in that room that was painted by hands that we love, and well just the whole thing brings so much of life into perspective. I can't wait for you all to meet them. They are awesome!! Continue to pray for all of us as we transition. The journey has begun...
Jose Antonio
This is the baby...who is about a year old. He's certainly had a rough first few days with the transition and on top of that has ear infections in both ears and isn't feeling so good. So we're learning all sorts of good things about how best to give a baby medicine, etc. Beautiful baby though, and in a few days when he feels better I am sure he will be a happier guy.
jose yovani
This is the big brother and he does a great job!! When we got ready to brush our teeth last night before bed he took them all in there, told them what they needed to do, then showed them, it was adorable. They listen to him well for the most part, I think he's had practice at taking care of them. Thankfully he can be a kid right now and have someone else help take care of them. He's as ornery as the day is long but such a sweet kid.
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