Update...

Well life never fails to be exciting and God never fails to be God...don't you LOVE that!! I sure do. There have been times in my life when I didn't know for sure who He was or if He was or what He was...but we've trekked a few miles together now, some of them more difficult than others, some of them totally my fault, some of them the results of others decisions, and this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt...my God never fails to be faithful to this heart!! I have learned when I start to center my life around that, when I really latch hold and choose to trust it because He said so, because the miles walked have proven it, because it makes everything else make more sense in some way, that this life looks more like one I want to be living.

As many of you I'm sure have heard by now we had to take Francisco to the hospital late on Saturday night. It was our first hospital experience here and to be totally honest it was the first hospital experience I've had with a momma's heart and it was ALL different this time. As I watched him struggling to get air in his little lungs, all that kept running through my mind was (as crazy as this is) I'm telling you what if someone told me to jump from a very tall building so this child could keep breathing I would have to ask how do I get to the top. Some super reflective moments in some of those times when you're scared and life is just kinda right there in front of your face, and I thought to myself man 4 months with this sweet little guy doesn't seem like very long to love him so much I'm ready to plummet from tall things if that's what it took to save him, but as honest as I know how to say it, God has put a love in there like that. It's just grown into that, every time I tuck him in at night, or we play the I love you more game, or every time he puckers up those little lips and blows a kiss to me across the room. His precious little heart has just gotten nestled into mine.

Which (yep you guessed it) made me start thinking and made this whole process of my adoption into God's heart seem more feasible. I mean if we're honest, Francisco never did anything to deserve coming to this home, other than existing. My love for him has happened and my adoption of him into my heart like he is my son came about because I chose to, wanted to, and knew he needed me to. Is it only about him, oh Heavens no, my face lights up with the biggest smile you've ever seen when he comes to sit on my lap and just love on me. I am blessed beyond words when I watch him use his manners or say his prayers or be respectful and know it's something we've taught him that stuck somewhere. It is a blessing to my heart beyond measure to watch him grow and learn and become. So I had to ask myself today...Jen if you could feel a love like that so incredibly strong and you are imperfect, your love is flawed even on your best day, why do you have such a hard time understanding that God's love for you blows that away. That whole leaping from tall buildings thing...He did that...only it was from a tall beam of wood stretched across another and it was all every bit of it out of a love that came about though I did nothing to deserve it, because He just wanted to, chose to, and knew I so desperately needed him to. This having kiddo's thing around reveals God in neat ways alot I'm learning.

Francisco is doing better. He has asthma and pneumonia in one lung and a urinary infection, so he could certainly use your prayers. He was a pretty sick little guy when he went in on Saturday but he has had several lung treatments through a nebulizer and lots of medicine through an IV so we were able to bring him home tonight and administer the meds here now. So please pray he feels better very soon.

Also this weekend marks a year since coming to Honduras to live. Every once in a while Karen and I will look at each other in difficult times and say..."we're growing, yep growing something in there is growing or this would not be happening." It's so true though as I think back though. I have learned so much in a years time and not just about Honduras or about poverty or about beautiful kiddo's that need loved on, although I have learned a lot about those things. I just feel like I've learned so much about God and who He is and more specifically who He is for me. On the nights when I have felt so far away from home He has been my comforter. On days when I have been so scared and felt so inadequate and totally not fit for the task He has been my refuge. At times when I didn't have words but the feelings inside were so strong that I couldn't just fall asleep I had to talk to someone, He has been my friend. When I didn't understand and I had a thousand questions and I needed a lap to crawl into He has been my Father. Being here, on this journey has allowed God to reveal Himself in new ways to this heart. It's been a year full of woohoo's as we watched God work, mixed with a whole bunch of hard on the heart things to witness. A year full of questions mixed with some sure answers that you hadn't found till you searched it out within your heart. It's been a year of challenge and a year of growth. It has been a year that I am so grateful to have spent here learning the things God needed me to learn. He is so faithful to this heart!!

He's faithful to yours too by the way! ;) Much love...