Solitude...

Well my parents since I wasn't able to go home this year for Christmas generously gave me some hoolah moolah for Christmas and tonight I decided to cash some of it in for a night at the Mariott. Now there are not entirely spoiled rotten motives for this. I honestly just needed some quiet time with God. Am reading this book right now called Celebration of Discipline, by Foster and there is a chapter in there about solitude, about taking retreats with God for times of quiet and listening, and to be honest in a house with 10 kiddo's there is rarely quiet. I also want to put some time into planning and direction for the ministry for the next year and some of that needs to be done in uninterrrupted moments of thought process ( and there are no uninterrupted moments in a house with 10 kids) so thus I stole away.

So I got here and had supper came up and put my pj's on and listened to the presidents speech and then filled the bath tub up with water put some bubbles in lit a couple candles that I brought with me turned on the praise music softly took my bible and a good book and took a bath. I had a bath...in a bathtub, now for the rest of you that probably sounds like NO big deal, but I LOVE hot baths, and I have no bath tub. I've taken showers everyday for months, which is fine, but I delight in a good bath. Fixed myself a cup of hot tea and yesterday they had for real cherries at PriceSmart, which happen to be one of my favorite foods, and so I'm having tea and fresh cherries. Then I climbed in this HUGE bed with these pillows that make me want to sleep forever. Anyone want to buy me a great gift next year for Christmas, find out where the Mariott gets these pillows...HEAVENS!!! They have down comforters on their beds, I love down comforters. So needless to say this is spoiled at it's best for this girl.

You know what's hilarious. I have been thinking about a night or two by myself for weeks, and how much I need it, want it, etc. I've been here now for a couple hours and it was about bed time and I thought man I miss the kiddo's. Miss Mario's sweet little kiss on my cheek as I go over to hug him goodnight. I miss Katty saying "Tia Jen with me" wanting me to lay down with her. I've heard so many people say it and I guess tonight I'm feeling it. When you become a momma a part of you will never be able to have alone time again cause even when you really want to be alone and you leave them you can't really leave them. It's so crazy, cause I've become a momma, oh not in the ways I've prayed for all of my life (yet and maybe ever if that's not His will) but this heart is a momma all the same. It happened in much the same ways it did for you probably. I took one good look in their eyes and something gripped this heart and I knew I was responsible for their care and I have hugged them and kissed them goodnight and I have bandaged their boo boo's and I have prayed every day that God will bandage the hurts and wounds we can't get to to put a bandaid on, the ones that won't heal that quickly, and my heart just moved past the point of return. I've watched their little hands wrap around mine and their cries settle when they found their way to this shoulder and I've now heard them call me mama and I'm whipped. I am head over heels in love with some little people who need loved. I am head over heels in love with a God who would allow me to have them as a part of my life.

So I'm gonna stay for a day or two, cause more than anything else, I want to stay diligent about my time with God and listen to Him and what He wants for this ministry and I've come to believe that these times are important and I will enjoy it. But I'll also be glad to get back to those little arms and grins that have stolen this heart. There are days when the noise gets crazy and the needs are plentiful and my heart feels a bit overwhelmed, but I can honestly say there is nowhere in this world that I'd rather be right now then right there loving them.

So thank you for your prayers and your support so we can do just that!! We couldn't do it without you.