God's Provision...

I have learned some of the coolest lessons from people God has placed in my life and He continues to amaze me that He never stops providing those people who will teach me some of life's most precious lessons. Feel like I've had an abundance of them lately and that God is orchestrating this beautiful collage of memories to tuck away in my heart which will hold me up when I need to be held. I am a people person for sure and over the past few years I have had the opportunity to form some precious relationships that go way deep. It's tough when you get down to 9 days until you leave this spot where your heart has certainly made itself at home to figure out how you will spend time with each of them and allow your words and your time to speak of how much you value them.

See it's funny because "I had a plan." Even the fly by the seat of my pants girl sees a need for a plan now and then. I had seriously set aside time on my calendar and tried to chunk off time for those I love as much as possible. Then earlier this week some things happened that we had no control over and a couple of the people I had blocked off time for were unable to work that in during their "time slot." So instead of where it belonged on "my" calendarand in "my" plans, I sat beside a hospital bed with a guy I have come to adore and held his hand while he was in horrendous pain and we talked about how sorry we were that we took some things for granted, how relationships really were all that mattered and when you get to the end of life all that you had, how badly we needed permission to not be perfect and with tears running down my cheeks and one of the sweetest conversations I've ever had, God took my calendar flipped it all around and absolutely blew me away. Sat in that same hospital room and watched his sweet wife help him shave his face and speak words of love to him to help him get through this DIFFICULT time and I saw this love that is a living testimony to all who know them and get to see it up close. I saw things in this moment, that none of us wished for and all of us would wish away, that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. My plans, my calendar...gone...for one that's far better.

Today I had a to do list a mile long. I did. I had things that felt pressing and guess what happened. Most of them didn't get done. You know what did happen. I got back to my house this morning after spending time being a hostess to this sweet little 80 year old man who loves Jesus so visibly and abundantly it took my breath away. I had just come home and one of my dearest friends called and said they were going to Burger King for lunch. I had sat down here at home intending to get busy and get so much of this stuff done and I heard God say Jen relationships are so important. Your calendar and plans are mine. Trust me with your calendar. So went to lunch and had some precious time with a couple friends I wouldn't have gotten had God not been so kind.

Then walked into the christian bookstore because I needed to pick up a gift and ran into one of my favorite people on the face of the earth that I seldom get to spend chunks of time with. We get snippets and lots of emails and we love those, but it seems like that's all life affords at the moment in this friendship. So we stood in the bookstore and talked for an hour probably just about life and all that's going on in our hearts and it was one of those don't really want to end this conversation times. It was a deep breath in the middle of the day. A kiss from God to remind us He loves us that we bumped into each other in the bookstore. I had just sat down to review a book and she came walking back in and said, "Jen listen I'm heading over to Caffeinated to drop off a gift for someone, let's go get some coffee, do you have time to do that? I have other things I thought I needed to do but I can't think of one that's more important than how badly I needed this today." Do you see the theme...our plans, our calendar...GONE...for one that's far better!!

I am amazed at His provision I really am. I used to think, oh yes God will provide for my shelter and my clothing and my food and those necessary things in my world. As if my heart and my emotional needs were too small or too vulnerable or too something for Him to be very concerned about. You know what I'm learning, I'm learning that sometimes it's my emotions and my relationships and my heart He cares the very most about. I just delight in that at moments. Sometimes I catch myself with my face up to the sky just taking a deep breath and saying, could you be any kinder to my heart God? Today was one of those days.

Think about how God is working right now to touch your heart, emotions, and relationships. Come on you know you want to...put your face up to the sky, smile real big, take a deep breath, and say it with me...

Could you be ANY kinder to my heart God?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I LOVE HIM!!!

And By The Way...

God has been incredibly kind and we have raised a significant portion (about 75%) of the funds needed to complete and furnish this project, but we still need about $20,000 to finish it off. If you are willing and able to partner with us financially we would so appreciate it. It's 2o more families at $1,000 or 20 churches or however God chooses to make it happen. I promise you it's an investment that pays off dividends unlike any others I know on this earth.

If you have any questions or need any information email me at jenw22@yahoo.com

God Bless!!

Final Blueprints for Casa de Esperanza

Hey gang, these are the final blueprints for the children's home. We have had to make some changes as we have seen needs arise. First we were going to only have two bedrooms and because of various ages and the need to possibly take some little boys also, have turned that into four bedrooms. There are some slight variations in some other things, but this will accomodate various needs better than the original plans. Construction is going on right now in Santa Ana so we can soon bring these kids home. YAY!! Please continue to pray as the days are moving quickly and lots of goodbyes are just around the corner. Please pray that God will give me a steadfast heart to do that which He has called me to.

 

Cameron's Funny :)

So my mom takes my nephew Cameron to the grocery store today and he wanted her to take him to the toy store to get a toy. So after much deliberation he picks out a cell phone and makes his purchase. They're on the way home and mom is trying to talk to him and he looks at her and says, "Mamaw I will talk to you in just a minute when I get off the phone with my friend this is a VERY important phone call." He's four. A VERY important phone call, oh dear!! That was my laugh for this evening.

Lasts...

Seems like this word keeps coming up in conversation...LAST...

I don't really like the word but I keep hearing it and in hearing it am having to face it I suppose. I will drive to Lancaster tomorrow and see my cousin and it will be the LAST time I'll see her for a while. I got out of the car with Momma Grose tonight and as I hugged her like I've done so many weeks before, it hit my heart that that would be the LAST ride home from Bible study we'd have together to mull things over and talk like we've done so many times. Tonight was our LAST Beth Moore study together with this group of gals I've met with for the past couple years every Thursday night. This weekend will be my LAST ladies retreat for a while. Next weekend will be the LAST time I'll get to hear Momma Grose speak to a group of gals and I'll get to be the cheerleader as she ministers. Some day soon it'll be the LAST time I'll hug my precious little nephews for several months and get to eat dinner with my family. It's just a season of lasts in some ways in my world right now.

A season of firsts is also right around the corner. The FIRST time I'll get to bring one of those babies home from the state run orphanage. The FIRST prayer before bedtime. The FIRST sleepyheaded hug in the morning. The FIRST time I get to share bible stories with a precious little heart. The FIRST time I am able to carry on a conversation in Spanish. The FIRST week in a Spanish church with Honduran brothers and sisters. The FIRST time I hear the word momma and it refers to me. Lots of FIRSTS also...

Made me think tonight about Heaven I guess. Truth of the matter is there are people who are living on this planet that when the word LAST is used it comes with such a finality and a gavel's pound with it. When the last has come there is nothing more to follow. I love the fact that in my world as painful as they may feel at the moment, my LASTS are not forever. Some day I'll sit with these sweet sisters whether it be here or around a crystal lake. Some day I'll eat dinner not just with my family but with all God's family. Some day my lasts will all fade into the best season of firsts I've ever known. The firsts of Heaven which will have no lasts.

He Gets It...

Have you come to the realization lately that God is the ONLY one who gets it? Like really fully gets it. The only one who has the answers to this specific situation and you're specific role to play in it. The only one who understands the depths of your pain and yet the only one who understands the depths of all the good stuff as well. The depth of your love for people, the depth of your joy in watching some moments take place, the depths of all that lies in your heart.

It's been a slow process because I desperately want the people around me to "get it." To understand my heart, to feel the love I have for them through my actions and words, to understand when I say I hurt how much I mean that and how deep it goes. Just within the past week or so I've started to embrace this idea though that God is really the only one who can really fully grasp all that is Jen. It's like this secret little place only He and I can go. This bond that supercedes any other bond I have with another soul on this earth.

I am privileged to be around some of the most beautiful wonderful people this world has to offer and some of the best "get it" girls that God ever called, but I'm learning that even the best of the best aren't God and we'll all be somewhat limited in our "getting it" here on this earth.

I so appreciate today that He does. He sees me and sees my heart and regardless of what's in there, He "gets it." Thank You Father.

What Matters...

I'm learning that as difficult as this leaving business is...some of life's sweetest moments come when pretenses are down and life slows just a bit and we take the time to look at each other and say the things that matter.

We were talking yesterday, during a gift from God very sweet day, about how times like this clarify so much. In Momma Grose words, "things of importance just rise like cream to the top don't they?" Indeed they do.

So I'm learning more about what really does matter. God ultimately matters. People matter. Moments with the people you love matter. Matters of the heart, well they matter!!

And you know what else I'm learning, I'm learning that the rest just doesn't much matter!!

Check This OUT...

Hey gang...check out Hines or AB's site linked at the right to see pictures of the dedication of the Cucuoy houses for 14 families who now have a place to sleep that is way nice for Honduran living. These duplexes are in the same little complex that the children's home will be in. Good things are happening and my heart gets excited when I see pictures of all God is doing.

For those of you who will remember Lexi (the loco bus driver). He and his family moved into one of the houses so I'll get to see him often, and I suppose go to church with he and his family as well. Fun huh??!!

Continue to pray for all that's being done in His name. May we always give Him every ounce of the glory. Thank You Lord for new homes for families and a new start at a better life. That is just way kind. We love you.

Those Nails...

Well it was another one of those nights we all dread and my niece, Carley, had to be taken to the hospital again because she was having a seizure. She's two and is absolutely delightful but since she's been born it's been one thing after another and two years of tests and doctor's visits and no real answers as to what is going on. It's in those moments that you drive up the road thinking through how many things do not make sense and wondering what you say to people you love who aren't sure what they think about this God thing anyway to help them understand that God loves them. I mean it doesn't make sense to me and I know in the deepest parts of my heart that God loves me. I think in the middle of my drive last night I heard God say, Jen how about you not worry about trying to explain me or do me justice. How about you just go and be real and honest and love on them. How about you say I don't get it either. How about you just show them that loving God doesn't mean you know all the answers it means you realize how few answers you do know and you need someone who does. Lots of life lessons in that 5 minute conversation with God for sure. Just show up and be real. It's been a recurring theme in my time with Him over the past year or so. Yes Lord I get it.

The most tender thing happened in my heart somewhere in the middle of all the difficulties though and it may only be proufound to me because I realize some things are "have to be there" moments. It's another one of those moments that I type out and save so that I won't forget I suppose. We had been at the hospital for a couple of hours and for most of that time Carley was sleeping in my brothers big ole arms which still after two years makes me tear up. It's just a sweet sight. This 6 foot 5 guy who is just huge holding this little girl that has him wrapped around her finger. I had been waiting in the waiting room but I saw my sister in law come out of the room and go outside and so I thought I'd go sit with my brother. When I walked in I saw the nurses there getting ready to take blood and in an attempt to be a good moral supporter decided I'd stick it out with them. I stood at the foot of the bed, the two nurses were on the right side of the bed and my big ole huge brother on the left side of the bed holding Carley down. He had to hold her arms and the nurse wrapped that blue band around her arm and stuck the needle in that tiny little arm and Carley just started screaming and crying. It was horrible. Now I realize it's just a needle and thousands of us have had blood taken and it's not nearly as dramatic as this may seem...but the worst thing was her little eyes looking up at her daddy with this imploring pleading look. It was like she was saying daddy why are you letting them do this to me. Please make them stop. They couldn't get the needle in on the first time, even after drastic wiggling (arrrghhhh) they missed the vein and so the took the band off and said ok daddy you can hold her. She wrapped her tiny little arms around my brothers neck and all was ok with the world. The only problem was he was going to have to put her back on that table and endure that all over again because we still had no blood sample. So he talked quietly in her little ear and he placed her back up on that table held her arms down again as I held her legs and she saw the blue band coming and squals erupted again. I watched tears roll down my brothers cheek and the nurse stuck her again and the blood started to flow into the tube. (Thank You Lord) I am not sure at what point through all of that it happened but I couldn't see the needle anymore, I only saw a nail. I think it was in her sweet little eyes as I saw that imploring, pleading look and I watched my brothers heart break at not being able to take her off that table walk out the door with her keep her safe and pretend this wasn't happening. It got me. I walked out the door put my head in my hands and wept.

A blood sample was needed another day long ago and it wasn't in a hospital it was on a hill, but I feel confident a few things were the same. That imploring pleading look. That love that would do whatever it took. The pain. The tears. The daddy who could hardly bear the hurt.

One thing is so beautifully wonderfully different. That blood wasn't sick or infected or needed for tests. That blood changed the world.

Thank You Father for enduring the pain of watching those nails be sent through Your precious Son so that we could be set free.

My brother, my prayer is that you will someday soon see that another daddy understands your pain and you were reason enough for Him to watch His Son hurt too! I love you.

Can I Just Say....

I love God...not kinda maybe sometimes probably sorta...I mean I LOVE Him, I like Him, I just think He's doggone fun and He has just GOT my heart.

Learned a lot about that this week through our Beth Moore study and perhaps will share some of those insights soon because they are worth sharing, but don't remember all the details and so need to refresh a bit before I attempt to type them on here.

Just spent a memory day yesterday helping with a large conference in the area called "Women of Purpose." It was delightful and I'll write more about that very soon. Isn't it fun to just be a part of something that you know God is beaming with a smile about. It was one of those days from beginning to end. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok off to collectively do this worship thing with some of my favorite folks. I pray blessings for you this day!