Day 3...

Ok tonight is one of those nights when you lay in your bed and you look at your ceiling and you journal and you talk out loud to God and you read your Bible and you look at your ceiling some more just cause you've got so much in your heart that you can't sort it all out really. I'm certain I'm not the only one who has those nights. We went for another visit with the boys mom today and it went well for the most part. Have decided that those days are gonna be hard on all of our hearts though because the momma doesn't really want to live without them, we now love them, they are torn cause they love us all, and the situation is just difficult. She would love to have them back, but having them back means that when they're 9 or 10 they'll beg on the streets or work somehow to help the family income and the life they have now is far different than that. Heard her ask one of the boys today if he wanted to come back and live with her, and he said no I want to live where I am. Sigh. Just not easy, you want to create for them a home, and one where they're safe and secure and loved, but I hurt for that mom today, I hurt for boys who are having a harder and harder time answering that question when she asks. I hurt to think that someday we might have to give them up. I hurt to think that she already did have to because she had no other options. The boys will have a difficult few days after being there so if you could keep them in your prayers that would be sooooo appreciated.

On top of the emotion of all of that I just get this sickening feeling everytime I am at Casitas. The place just has so much evil lurking around small children that it sort of sucks the breath out of you, at least it does me. At one point today while our boys were playing with their mother, I had a chance to sit with a small group of girls, probably 8 or so of them all under the age of 10 whose faces were just sort of empty, who hadn't had any attention in a while you could tell, cause they hung all over you and fought for it. So we just sat there and talked for a while and I put my sunglasses on each of their dirty little faces and told them how pretty they all were and they grinned and we laughed, and I told them that God thought they were so special and made them each look me in the eyes and reminded them that was true. It was sweet time. I got into my car later and every single one of them stood at the playground and watched until they couldn't see me anymore. Watched these 5 little boys that used to live there get in with me, and I have no doubt those sweet girls wondered when this would happen to them, if it would happen to them. As I was getting into my car, and I blew them all kisses, one of the little girls yelled, "Thank you." I drove much of the way home with tears in my eyes for some little boys who don't have to be there anymore and for some little girls who tonight still do.

Please cover that place in your prayers. Everytime we go there we see things that are more disconcerting. Children in the trenches of sin who shouldn't have any idea what that even is. I know it grieves the heart of God in ways we'll never know.

Thank you for helping to bear the burdens of this precious land from your knees!! We need you to rally with us for these precious kiddo's and the people who live here we love so very much! The people who live here that God loves so very much!

Here's Day 3 and I'm reminded today that even when our heart is heavy we still have a thousand reasons to thank God for being who He is...and still we praise, maybe even moreso now we need to...(31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers)

I praise you that the Lord Jesus lived His life sinlessly, in total accord with reality, with no falseness, no self-deception, no dark secrets, nothing to regret, nothing to be ashamed of...that He proclaimed the truth, the one utterly reliable foundation for our thinking and living. Thank You that He delighted to do Your will...that He withdrew for time alone in Your presence...that He was attentive to Your voice and sensitive to Your working...that He lived in complete dependence on You, so that You in Him spoke those gracious and live-giving words and performed those mighty works.

Thank You that He demonstrated how I am to live and serve, completely depending on Him as my indwelling Lord, focusing on His life as He walked on earth, and beholding His glory, "the glory of the one and only" who came from You, full of grace and truth. What a delight to know that as I focus on Him, You transform me into His image by Your Spirit within me. You work in me that which is pleasing in Your eyes. You strengthen my heart in every good work and every good word, so that more and more I honor Christ by the way I live.