GOOD GRIEF!!!

Well if I've said this phrase once I've said it a hundred times and I have no idea where it originated. We say it in moments of unbelief, in moments of disgust, in moments of shock, you know it works for a myriad of situations. You hear people say it often as I do I'm sure.

In the past week or so those two words plopped down beside one another I suppose sum up this couple weeks in my life. I didn't know before there was "good" grief. Doesn't feel good. Doesn't look good with snot running down my face. Doesn't sound good as we weep loudly. But somewhere deep within my heart there is this knowing that this grief I feel way down deep in the pit of my stomach IS good because it represents the loss of something. That's not the good news. The good news is that to lose something you had to posess it in the first place. So in the middle of this grief it provides prime opportunity to look at all the Lord has blessed me with over the past few years of my life.

You know people have said to me often, "Oh you are sure giving up a lot, all the comforts of home and the safety of this country and just so much." Which I suppose in some ways is true. But what I want to say in response and usually can't get past the knot in my throat is this...I would take a cold shower anyday if I just didn't have to give up those smiles and tears from hearts that know mine and know what I'm thinking and feeling without saying a word. I would never flush my toilet paper again if it meant I could hang onto moments to see every single milestone as my nephews and my neice grow up. I would put my life at risk moment by moment if I just didn't have to give up hugs that speak value and acceptance and love to deep places in my soul. I'd just well I'd be willing to give up the "comforts of home" if it didn't mean giving up the people who represent home to my heart. Meals around the table with my family, den and deck time, colored water moments, sifting with my soul sister, hugs and kisses from the two cutest little guys in the world, calling Mary Ann once a day and hearing her sweet spirit, worshipping beside the people who know what's in your soul...and the list goes on and on and on.

So you wanna know the things that are good grief moments in my world. It's tears all over my face and snot running everywhere right now as I leave, which is a beautiful representation somewhere in my soul of all I've been given. It's moments with people I love and hurting, literally aching in your gutt because you can't imagine living the "daily-ness" of life without them.

Yeah I'm certainly convinced there is GOOD GRIEF...it comes from a hole in your heart when you realize how full the Lord has filled your blessing box. It comes from a heart that He has stretched so wide which contains so many missing chunks of your heart that you've given out to so many people in so many places. It comes from holes left because those chunks of your heart you never get back in quite the same way and as you're going around to attempt to collect them so you can walk away with at least part of your heart you end up with so many chunks of them within you because they've sort of all run together. It's grieving for sure. It's hard. And yet I wouldn't trade the hurt if it meant I would have had to miss a second of the blessings.

I am one lucky girl. I love you all. Please keep praying. We covet and appreciate them more than you know.