Thursday, September 21, 2006

Overwhelmed...

First of all allow me please to take just a minute to provide an explanation for the lapse here in sharing my heart or pictures or anything else that might be of worth. My computer took a hit, not sure how that all happened, but my laptop has been out of commision for several weeks now and so took some time off from posting as we were all sharing the one computer in the office and it made it difficult to have very much time to be able to sit down and process and think my way through all those thoughts God puts in this head. All that being said, I am in the States now and so have some time to sit and think.

Have participated in one of the most beautifully laid out feasts I have ever been privileged to be a part of over the past 4 or 5 days. Had the honor of attending the lectureships at Abilene Christian University this past week. By this point in my spiritual journey I have been to soooooo many different types of spiritual retreats and conferences, I have the extreme privilege to spend much of my time around very godly people, and I have seldom been touched or impressed as much as I was this week with the body of Christ and what it is offering up to the world. I was refreshed in humbled to my knees ways by students of the Word who are accepting the challenge to reframe and rethink and grow beyond where we are to offer new gifts to the world. I am so touched that God is touching so many of us for other parts of the world outside of our own backyard. Children's eyes in poverty or prostitution or horrible sorts of oppresion are beginning to haunt our thoughts and our hearts are unable to go back to old dimensions. We are starting to allow the aches and cries of the world to permeate our busy and self preserved corners of the world and we are finding our eyes opened to all sorts of new horrors that we must stand up and fight against. Don't know if you've felt it lately or not, but my guess is there are hints of it in your world as well and you are concious of the fact that God is moving in this generation of people and asking us to go and serve and help heal and become a part of the pain of this world that we might get close enough to it that they might be able to feel His love through us. It's powerful and I am finding myself overwhelmed by that right now in my world.

I feel like God has taught me so much over the past year of my life. I have been away from corporate worship as I've always known it (and I am a people person to the core so it's difficult for me to seperate myself away from the sacredness of that) but it has stretched and grown places in me that I was completely unaware of until this week I think. Possible I think that even within the walls of those things that are sacred we can become secure in some of that and blinded to the beauty of some other things we desperately need to see. Sat down at this beautiful work of art on the campus last night before we left and I just felt like all the tears that had kinda been hanging out in my heart were dying to fall before the Father. I was overwhelmed, and I'm learning that word isn't always bad. I was overwhelmed by God's kindness I think. I felt like all the muscle within this heart couldn't hold back the rupture that happens when you in some rare moments of your walk realize that God is so relentlessly loving and those words aren't just coming out of your mouth they're oozing out of your being. As I looked back over the past 4 days and all that I felt like He laid before me and worked within me and what He had invited me into, (and I don't mean that narrowly as if it only applies to some great experience after this body leaves this earth and while that is far more than I deserve), I think I'm starting to just really start to grasp the idea that right now, this very minute He has invited me to participate with Him in His movement on this earth and somewhere when your soul grabs ahold of that you feel so incredibly inadequate and so tremendously honored.

That so fails to do justice to all that's rumbling in this heart today I know.

Would you do me a favor...after you read this would you just thank Him for allowing you to be a part of His mission on this earth, wherever that finds you.

He believes in our nothingness...our inadequacies...our flaws...all laid before Him to move with Him and in Him to help redeem a world. Is that NOT humbling? Is that not beautiful? Is that not overwhelming??????