Thursday, June 29, 2006

Here are some hands for you to pray over tonight and tomorrow and in the days to come if you would please. Hector is not coming right now, but may come in the future. He is not one of the brothers but another little boy who has a few more difficult problems to address, that we felt a little too wet behind the ears to attempt to address at this point. His eyes stole my heart though and so I'm praying with everything in me that at some point we'll be able to bring him home. The other 4 are the brothers and I'm missing one handprint and one name of the 9 month old. We haven't gotten to meet him yet.

We went to buy "big groceries" tonight and had drop jaw attack when the cashier told us almost 7,000 lempiras which is about $400. I can hear all you veteran momma's laughing thinking oh honey it's only just begun but this is my first "big grocery" experience and I'm telling you what I looked at that cart with cereal and juice and chicken and rice and I mean just full of stuff and I thought about how unbelievably beautiful it is going to be to watch them fill their plate and savor this food. I've been grocery shopping a thousand times, but watching those items go in that cart and knowing that soon they'd be going into little boy bellies was precious stuff.

We have to be at IHNFA at 10 am in the morning and from that point forward our lives have taken a crazy turn into new territory. Casa de Esperanza goes from being a dream to becoming reality and the first I pray of many children who are without a home find one. God is good and we couldn't have done this without so many of you.

We'll post some more pictures after tomorrow. Can't wait for you all to meet these little guys. As for tonight you put your hands on top of these little hands and you beg God to give us wisdom and patience and grace and well a thousand other things we'll need as we get to attempt to be Jesus' hands and feet to these little guys. What a tremendous privilege.

Be blessed!!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


I know you have heard this a thousand times and we've all gotten elated and then bummed a few dozen times about the possibility of kiddo's coming but FOR REAL they are going to walk through this door on Friday. There is a family of 5 little boys, whose mother is dirt poor and their father is in prison. They need a place to call home because their mother can't take care of them. So Casa will be taking in these little guys and attempting to love all over these little hearts with Jesus kind of love so they'll grow up to do the same.

Gonna be honest and tell you that Satan is waging a war with a vengeance right now and all of us who are involved in this project have placed a HUGE bulls eye on our hearts and his fury is evident. So with all that is in me, I am asking for an army of warriors who will battle with us from their knees. We need you to be petitioning the throne room of God often as we begin this ministry. He must be so aware of how great this is going to be because he is being a real punk. BUT the battle is not ours but God's and we are committed to linking arms and standing together with Christ to defeat him. Please battle with us from your knees. We appreciate you all so very very very much!!


Ok let me just preface this and I should have added this last heart is surrounded by the coolest people on the planet, so I certainly am not at a loss for people who support me and are there for me. I am blessed beyond words in that regard.

My words in the next post referenced those times in life when it's impossible, no matter how tremendously true and good they are, for people to understand completely,because the journey is yours and our limited vocabulary can't fully explain the depths of the heart. It's in those moments that I am reminded of Jesus crying out to His Father and so desperately wanting another way and his pleas for them to understand somehow.

Guess that's part of the beauty with God, regardless of my vocabulary or my inadequacies or my faults that are glaring at moments, He sees right through to my heart in it's deepest places and I need no explanation in His presence. What a relief some days!!!

Monday, June 26, 2006


Don't know if there's a time when I relate any more to Jesus than times when I just feel helplessly alone...when it appears that no one "really" understands, when it feels as though you're standing on one side of camp and most if not everyone is on another, when you'd give anything to be understood at the hearts core...almost sometimes as if I can see Him there in those moments in Gethsemane praying with sweat drops of blood for any other way as He begged some of his nearest and dearest to stand beside Him and they couldn't stay awake, stay present.

In my own Gethsemane moments of life as I agonize with God over there being "any other way," I remember that I am not alone, that the same guy who sweat drops of blood over what He was called to do then, probably at moments still sweats as He takes these heart wrenching prayers to the Father begging for His will to be done. I think He fully understands that prayer, and while I'll never utter it with the purity and untaintedness of heart that He did, I think He honors the fact that I want to.

Thank you Jesus for walking through Gethsemane and every footstep before and after so that we'd know we are never ever alone in times of trial in our own lives. You are more than enough for me, thank you!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Jesus eyes...

Was reading a book the other day, it was a fiction book, but somewhere in there it continued to bring up in several characters the fact that when someone loved Jesus there was something different about their eyes. They have "Jesus eyes." Can't get that out of my head this week, because it's been sort of a difficult week in some ways, and I have seen a few people in my world here show up with their Jesus eyes and Jesus hearts and it has touched me. Didn't need a show. Didn't need any recognition. It showed up in my brother Joe as he showed up and didn't say a word and just hugged me and sat beside me. It showed up in Mark Connell's hand on my shoulder and his words that were from God. It showed up in Lori's kind eyes and no words but her kiss on my cheek. You know sometimes loving on people like Jesus doesn't mean anything extraordinary it just means showing up and being near.

Was sitting yesterday and was reminded again what Jesus looks like. Saw my friend sitting across the room with tears in her eyes and I watched this kind man walk over to her, kneel down beside her and say "you are not alone in this, i am so sorry you have felt so alone for far too long, but you lean on us now, and lean on us hard if you have to, because we support you, you are NOT alone do you hear me?!" Sat across the room and watched and thought yep that's Jesus. He's got "Jesus eyes."

Thanks guys for the reminder to my heart of the beauty of humility and kindness and gentleness and those things that loving Jesus brings about.

Praying for "Jesus eyes" for all of us and a love extended to one another and the world that touches the deepest places.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Stay Tuned...

Well Jeff is relentless in his nagging for me to write a blog with pictures about our experiences the first week he was there and I AM going to do that. Right now however I am far too busy eating monkey bread and sipping tea on the deck to have time to give in to his request for such things. :):)

I have been home for a week for my cousin's wedding and various other things and that has been delightful. As is always the case, the time flies, you wish you had more time to spend with people, and you have those stinkin tears that are inevitable as you leave so many people that you love soooooooo much!! So it's one of those days, and I'm sitting in this den I love, listening for God's voice, enjoying the quiet with Him before I head back to Hondo tomorrow.

Here's a blog I wrote a few days ago though and never posted. Seems sort of like it works for my heart now.

Well construction damage is almost over and things are starting to get cleaned up around the property and look as though someone really is going to live here and let kiddo’s play around here someday very soon! I have been looking around so much just thinking, oh man the kids are gonna love that, and I look at the playground and think lots of joy gonna come from this, and it’s just been fun to watch as the rains have come and it’s starting to “green up” around the place.

Something I’ve noticed as I’ve watched though over the past week or so. In our backyard there are patches of grass that are starting to grow and it’s starting to look more like a yard than a dirt pit.

Yesterday I was standing on the back porch and in one of those moments with God that we sometimes share, I looked at the yard and I saw these grassy patches that we’ve waited months to see and then I noticed it. Right there in the middle of the grass were these patches where the grass was not growing, where rocks still lay and forbid the grass to grow. Thought about the parable of the soil obviously for a few seconds and then I had to think about my own life. Thought about those places in my own life where growth hasn’t occurred lately and thought about the similarities.

If I’ve learned anything over the past 3 or 4 years of walking with the Lord I have learned this…if I don’t grow it’s because I have chosen not to, because I have hardened places within me to His voice and to His changing power. Because every single time I want to, really want to regardless of what that takes or requires, He has filled my life with opportunities to learn and ways to grow. I could write a book on those moments alone.

Yep ashamedly, I still have some rocky places in this heart where I’ve chosen not to let things grow. God keeps asking and I keep saying I want to and then my actions prove otherwise. I suppose we all could relate to that in some ways.

The biggest problem with having places still containing rocks in my heart is that God’s word says, “for out of the heart the mouth speaks,” and unfortunately if I allow them to remain within me, at some point when the pressure is on and stress is high and emotions go crazy, my rocks get hurled at others, from my heart out of my mouth. Then it’s not just rocky places in my heart, it’s my rocks being hurled at other people and leaving wounds because of the things I’ve refused to allow God to change.

Just wondered and asked Him, God when you look where are the patches of rocks that are not allowing the fruits of Your Spirit to grow in this heart?

Think our backyard was a good place for God and I to meet today. Funny how many times if we choose to be present He shows Himself in things we come in contact with every single day. Today it was the grass. Surely makes you understand that He desires to be present in our every day ordinary life huh??!!

May He find your heart a great place to plant a splendid garden chock full of His fruits!!