So we haven't had internet for a couple days and I was in the States for about a month and so tonight I sat down for a couple hours and typed out this update of all that was going on in my world and put pictures in there and it was really nice and hit the publish button and it vanished into well I have NO idea where. So............ needless to say I'll not be spending another 2 hours tonight typing another one, but I PROMISE I'll try again tomorrow. Say prayers or else some piece of equipment in this office may perhaps go flying!!!!!!!!!!!!
Much love to all!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Revolution...
Do you ever just get ants in your pants to be part of a revolution that reframes and changes so much of the way we do religion in this country? Don't have words to explain all of that at the moment, just know that I feel it in there somewhere. Just wanna be part of a difference I guess. Sometimes so much so that it really does ache.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Overwhelmed...
First of all allow me please to take just a minute to provide an explanation for the lapse here in sharing my heart or pictures or anything else that might be of worth. My computer took a hit, not sure how that all happened, but my laptop has been out of commision for several weeks now and so took some time off from posting as we were all sharing the one computer in the office and it made it difficult to have very much time to be able to sit down and process and think my way through all those thoughts God puts in this head. All that being said, I am in the States now and so have some time to sit and think.
Have participated in one of the most beautifully laid out feasts I have ever been privileged to be a part of over the past 4 or 5 days. Had the honor of attending the lectureships at Abilene Christian University this past week. By this point in my spiritual journey I have been to soooooo many different types of spiritual retreats and conferences, I have the extreme privilege to spend much of my time around very godly people, and I have seldom been touched or impressed as much as I was this week with the body of Christ and what it is offering up to the world. I was refreshed in humbled to my knees ways by students of the Word who are accepting the challenge to reframe and rethink and grow beyond where we are to offer new gifts to the world. I am so touched that God is touching so many of us for other parts of the world outside of our own backyard. Children's eyes in poverty or prostitution or horrible sorts of oppresion are beginning to haunt our thoughts and our hearts are unable to go back to old dimensions. We are starting to allow the aches and cries of the world to permeate our busy and self preserved corners of the world and we are finding our eyes opened to all sorts of new horrors that we must stand up and fight against. Don't know if you've felt it lately or not, but my guess is there are hints of it in your world as well and you are concious of the fact that God is moving in this generation of people and asking us to go and serve and help heal and become a part of the pain of this world that we might get close enough to it that they might be able to feel His love through us. It's powerful and I am finding myself overwhelmed by that right now in my world.
I feel like God has taught me so much over the past year of my life. I have been away from corporate worship as I've always known it (and I am a people person to the core so it's difficult for me to seperate myself away from the sacredness of that) but it has stretched and grown places in me that I was completely unaware of until this week I think. Possible I think that even within the walls of those things that are sacred we can become secure in some of that and blinded to the beauty of some other things we desperately need to see. Sat down at this beautiful work of art on the campus last night before we left and I just felt like all the tears that had kinda been hanging out in my heart were dying to fall before the Father. I was overwhelmed, and I'm learning that word isn't always bad. I was overwhelmed by God's kindness I think. I felt like all the muscle within this heart couldn't hold back the rupture that happens when you in some rare moments of your walk realize that God is so relentlessly loving and those words aren't just coming out of your mouth they're oozing out of your being. As I looked back over the past 4 days and all that I felt like He laid before me and worked within me and what He had invited me into, (and I don't mean that narrowly as if it only applies to some great experience after this body leaves this earth and while that is far more than I deserve), I think I'm starting to just really start to grasp the idea that right now, this very minute He has invited me to participate with Him in His movement on this earth and somewhere when your soul grabs ahold of that you feel so incredibly inadequate and so tremendously honored.
That so fails to do justice to all that's rumbling in this heart today I know.
Would you do me a favor...after you read this would you just thank Him for allowing you to be a part of His mission on this earth, wherever that finds you.
He believes in our nothingness...our inadequacies...our flaws...all laid before Him to move with Him and in Him to help redeem a world. Is that NOT humbling? Is that not beautiful? Is that not overwhelming??????
Have participated in one of the most beautifully laid out feasts I have ever been privileged to be a part of over the past 4 or 5 days. Had the honor of attending the lectureships at Abilene Christian University this past week. By this point in my spiritual journey I have been to soooooo many different types of spiritual retreats and conferences, I have the extreme privilege to spend much of my time around very godly people, and I have seldom been touched or impressed as much as I was this week with the body of Christ and what it is offering up to the world. I was refreshed in humbled to my knees ways by students of the Word who are accepting the challenge to reframe and rethink and grow beyond where we are to offer new gifts to the world. I am so touched that God is touching so many of us for other parts of the world outside of our own backyard. Children's eyes in poverty or prostitution or horrible sorts of oppresion are beginning to haunt our thoughts and our hearts are unable to go back to old dimensions. We are starting to allow the aches and cries of the world to permeate our busy and self preserved corners of the world and we are finding our eyes opened to all sorts of new horrors that we must stand up and fight against. Don't know if you've felt it lately or not, but my guess is there are hints of it in your world as well and you are concious of the fact that God is moving in this generation of people and asking us to go and serve and help heal and become a part of the pain of this world that we might get close enough to it that they might be able to feel His love through us. It's powerful and I am finding myself overwhelmed by that right now in my world.
I feel like God has taught me so much over the past year of my life. I have been away from corporate worship as I've always known it (and I am a people person to the core so it's difficult for me to seperate myself away from the sacredness of that) but it has stretched and grown places in me that I was completely unaware of until this week I think. Possible I think that even within the walls of those things that are sacred we can become secure in some of that and blinded to the beauty of some other things we desperately need to see. Sat down at this beautiful work of art on the campus last night before we left and I just felt like all the tears that had kinda been hanging out in my heart were dying to fall before the Father. I was overwhelmed, and I'm learning that word isn't always bad. I was overwhelmed by God's kindness I think. I felt like all the muscle within this heart couldn't hold back the rupture that happens when you in some rare moments of your walk realize that God is so relentlessly loving and those words aren't just coming out of your mouth they're oozing out of your being. As I looked back over the past 4 days and all that I felt like He laid before me and worked within me and what He had invited me into, (and I don't mean that narrowly as if it only applies to some great experience after this body leaves this earth and while that is far more than I deserve), I think I'm starting to just really start to grasp the idea that right now, this very minute He has invited me to participate with Him in His movement on this earth and somewhere when your soul grabs ahold of that you feel so incredibly inadequate and so tremendously honored.
That so fails to do justice to all that's rumbling in this heart today I know.
Would you do me a favor...after you read this would you just thank Him for allowing you to be a part of His mission on this earth, wherever that finds you.
He believes in our nothingness...our inadequacies...our flaws...all laid before Him to move with Him and in Him to help redeem a world. Is that NOT humbling? Is that not beautiful? Is that not overwhelming??????
Monday, September 04, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Day 6...
Well it's official as of about 2 pm this afternoon, I am a resident of Honduras. Crazy!!
It's so funny how God works out the course of your life isn't it. Growing up I thought missionaries were some weird people who never had any fun and wore long skirts all the time wore their hair in a bun always and slept in tents somewhere. Ok maybe a slight exaggeration but not far off, but I did not grow up with some very holy desire to be a missionary in a foreign country somewhere. As a matter of fact I walked some other roads that probably if anything disqualified me from being worthy to be here. It's just that God never works like that, have you noticed? He says you, yeah you, I want you...and you can deny Him all you want but you'll never have a moments true peace until You walk in His will His way.
So here I am, residing in Honduras. Living as a foreign missionary and knowing with peace in my heart that this is His plan for my life for such a time as this. Feels good, to live in the knowing of that!
Here is today's day of praise...
I magnify You, my God, for Your absolute purity, holiness, and justice as the Judge to whom all people must give account. I praise You that Your fairness is intertwined with everything You do...that when the time is ripe You will end all sin and injustice, all corruption, all immorality...that You will right all wrongs and reward all loving service and suffering for Your sake.
Thank You that Your Son will return from heaven with a shout of triumph, that the dead in Christ will be raised imperishable...and in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, we shall all be utterly changed. We shall see the radiance of His face and the glorious majesty of His power. It will be a breathtaking wonder and splendor unimaginable to all who believe! Thank You that "whatever we may have to go through now is less than nothing compared with the magnificent future" You have planned for us.
What a joy it is to know that the government will be on Christ's shoulders, and that there will be no end to the increase of His government and peace...that His kingdom will be established with justice and righteousness from then on and forevermore. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom...a kingdom that cannot be shaken. You will never be voted out; no coup will ever dethrone You. For all eternity You are the King of kings and Lord of lords. To You be the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen!
(31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers)
It's so funny how God works out the course of your life isn't it. Growing up I thought missionaries were some weird people who never had any fun and wore long skirts all the time wore their hair in a bun always and slept in tents somewhere. Ok maybe a slight exaggeration but not far off, but I did not grow up with some very holy desire to be a missionary in a foreign country somewhere. As a matter of fact I walked some other roads that probably if anything disqualified me from being worthy to be here. It's just that God never works like that, have you noticed? He says you, yeah you, I want you...and you can deny Him all you want but you'll never have a moments true peace until You walk in His will His way.
So here I am, residing in Honduras. Living as a foreign missionary and knowing with peace in my heart that this is His plan for my life for such a time as this. Feels good, to live in the knowing of that!
Here is today's day of praise...
I magnify You, my God, for Your absolute purity, holiness, and justice as the Judge to whom all people must give account. I praise You that Your fairness is intertwined with everything You do...that when the time is ripe You will end all sin and injustice, all corruption, all immorality...that You will right all wrongs and reward all loving service and suffering for Your sake.
Thank You that Your Son will return from heaven with a shout of triumph, that the dead in Christ will be raised imperishable...and in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, we shall all be utterly changed. We shall see the radiance of His face and the glorious majesty of His power. It will be a breathtaking wonder and splendor unimaginable to all who believe! Thank You that "whatever we may have to go through now is less than nothing compared with the magnificent future" You have planned for us.
What a joy it is to know that the government will be on Christ's shoulders, and that there will be no end to the increase of His government and peace...that His kingdom will be established with justice and righteousness from then on and forevermore. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom...a kingdom that cannot be shaken. You will never be voted out; no coup will ever dethrone You. For all eternity You are the King of kings and Lord of lords. To You be the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen!
(31 Days of Praise by Ruth Myers)
Monday, August 28, 2006
8 Years Ago...
Having a sappy day, week, month, life :) but just got off the phone with one of my FAVORITE people in the world, and I use that term very sincerely. His name is Braydon and he's 8 years old today and he is my nephew. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!!
I remember exactly what I was doing 8 years ago today, I was in a hospital room and my sister had just given me the incredible privilege of allowing me to share in the experience of this little guy entering the world. I remember thinking I could not believe how cool God was when I watched all of this happen, how He had designed all of this to work and when I watched Braydon Bug take his first breath and exhale his first wail I was completely in love with being an aunt and my first little nephew. I remember walking over to that little warming bed they place them in and just staring at him, totally caught up in the moment of life happening and my getting to watch it. I think my sister and I both stayed up all night that first night in the hospital just looking at him and marveling at how amazing he was. Was sweet sweet time with my sister and with this new little guy.
You know it's kinda been like that with him ever since. It just so happened that my break from college that first year happened right after he was born and my sister had to go back to school and so from mid November until January I got to stay every day with him and watch him and smooch his chubby little cheeks and cuddle him and watch him sleep and we got a pretty special bond during those first couple months. One that gratefully we still share. I love him and he loves me and it's obvious and I love that. I tell him often he better never get too old to love on his aunt Jen and he just smiles that ornery grin.
My sister calls me every once in a while to lay the guilt on and tell me Braydon went to bed crying last night cause he misses me. It is part of her we want you to come home tactic. :) Truth is sometimes I go to bed crying cause I miss them too!
Talked to him tonight on the telephone and he's such a little man these days. Telling me all about his soccer games and how he's playing goalie and his trip to the beach and how he now has two hermit crabs, two lizards, and a turtle...something every 8 year old little boy ought to have. We talked about how important it was to listen to his teacher and to be a good friend tonight, I love those talks most where I am reminded of his tender heart. Then we had fun talking about how he needed to be thinking about fun things we could do together when I see him in just a few short weeks when I'm home. And then he got that somber little sweet voice, and I got that I AM NOT going to cry voice and he said ok goodnight aunt jen i love you thanks for calling me on my birthday. I MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!
So little Mr. Braydon this is a prayer I offer for you on your 8th birthday after watching you for 8 precious years and getting to be around at so many sweet sweet moments of your life and treasuring every single one of them! You have taught me sooo much about God's love and His overwhelming kindness and about the story of His grace. Sooo much sweet boy, thank you!!!
Father tonight I thank You for the precious gift of this little guy that's sleeping thousands of miles away in a warm bed with plenty of food and whole bunches of love from my sister and brother in law. I thank You for the gift of His life, that probably has taught us all a tremendous amount about the things that are really important. I praise You for his tender heart and for the sweet sweet smile you've put on his face. He is precious stuff God and I thank You for the opportunity to be a part of his life. God I beg You to plant seeds within his heart right now that will someday turn him into a warrior for You. I pray that You will claim His heart now and that a childlike faith will grow within him that he will trust You everyday of his life. Use me in ways that will make You shine in his life and will you please allow the moments when I am around right now to be moments that count, that we remember for a long time, that are sealed in our hearts and tucked away for moments when we really miss each other. Father thank You for this gift of grace that came to our family in the form of this little guy. He is one of the very best parts of all of us, and we are humbly grateful for this miracle you created in the life of my sweet sister. Thank You for making her such a great mommy who loves and adores her boys. You are all good God and I thank You so much for this day 8 years ago when we fell in love with a little guy named Braydon that we've been loving to pieces ever since. Grow him strong in You Father. In Your Sons precious name I offer you this heartfelt plea, AMEN
I love you to the moon and back Braydon!!! You'll always be one of the most special parts of my life!
I remember exactly what I was doing 8 years ago today, I was in a hospital room and my sister had just given me the incredible privilege of allowing me to share in the experience of this little guy entering the world. I remember thinking I could not believe how cool God was when I watched all of this happen, how He had designed all of this to work and when I watched Braydon Bug take his first breath and exhale his first wail I was completely in love with being an aunt and my first little nephew. I remember walking over to that little warming bed they place them in and just staring at him, totally caught up in the moment of life happening and my getting to watch it. I think my sister and I both stayed up all night that first night in the hospital just looking at him and marveling at how amazing he was. Was sweet sweet time with my sister and with this new little guy.
You know it's kinda been like that with him ever since. It just so happened that my break from college that first year happened right after he was born and my sister had to go back to school and so from mid November until January I got to stay every day with him and watch him and smooch his chubby little cheeks and cuddle him and watch him sleep and we got a pretty special bond during those first couple months. One that gratefully we still share. I love him and he loves me and it's obvious and I love that. I tell him often he better never get too old to love on his aunt Jen and he just smiles that ornery grin.
My sister calls me every once in a while to lay the guilt on and tell me Braydon went to bed crying last night cause he misses me. It is part of her we want you to come home tactic. :) Truth is sometimes I go to bed crying cause I miss them too!
Talked to him tonight on the telephone and he's such a little man these days. Telling me all about his soccer games and how he's playing goalie and his trip to the beach and how he now has two hermit crabs, two lizards, and a turtle...something every 8 year old little boy ought to have. We talked about how important it was to listen to his teacher and to be a good friend tonight, I love those talks most where I am reminded of his tender heart. Then we had fun talking about how he needed to be thinking about fun things we could do together when I see him in just a few short weeks when I'm home. And then he got that somber little sweet voice, and I got that I AM NOT going to cry voice and he said ok goodnight aunt jen i love you thanks for calling me on my birthday. I MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!
So little Mr. Braydon this is a prayer I offer for you on your 8th birthday after watching you for 8 precious years and getting to be around at so many sweet sweet moments of your life and treasuring every single one of them! You have taught me sooo much about God's love and His overwhelming kindness and about the story of His grace. Sooo much sweet boy, thank you!!!
Father tonight I thank You for the precious gift of this little guy that's sleeping thousands of miles away in a warm bed with plenty of food and whole bunches of love from my sister and brother in law. I thank You for the gift of His life, that probably has taught us all a tremendous amount about the things that are really important. I praise You for his tender heart and for the sweet sweet smile you've put on his face. He is precious stuff God and I thank You for the opportunity to be a part of his life. God I beg You to plant seeds within his heart right now that will someday turn him into a warrior for You. I pray that You will claim His heart now and that a childlike faith will grow within him that he will trust You everyday of his life. Use me in ways that will make You shine in his life and will you please allow the moments when I am around right now to be moments that count, that we remember for a long time, that are sealed in our hearts and tucked away for moments when we really miss each other. Father thank You for this gift of grace that came to our family in the form of this little guy. He is one of the very best parts of all of us, and we are humbly grateful for this miracle you created in the life of my sweet sister. Thank You for making her such a great mommy who loves and adores her boys. You are all good God and I thank You so much for this day 8 years ago when we fell in love with a little guy named Braydon that we've been loving to pieces ever since. Grow him strong in You Father. In Your Sons precious name I offer you this heartfelt plea, AMEN
I love you to the moon and back Braydon!!! You'll always be one of the most special parts of my life!
Our Newest Project...
So this is just a picture to show you our latest project...Francisco and the potty and so far he is doing AMAZINGLY well!!! Diapers are expensive and when you can look at them and say, "Tiene poo poo?" and they can answer, IT'S TIME!!! He is so doggone cute!!! 
Day 5...
I magnify You, O Lord, I exalt Your name, for You are great and highly to be praised. I praise You for the glorious splendor of Your majesty and the power of Your awe-inspiring acts. Your power is unlimited...absolute...beyond imagining. You are able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or dream of. "There is nothing too hard for You." Who is like You, "majestic in holiness, awesome in praises, working wonders"?
O Lord Most High, You rule over the heavens and the earth, for You made all things by Your great power, and You keep them existing and working by Your mighty Word. You are exalted high above every star and galaxy in the entire cosmos...yet You are also "the God of all mankind," the great personally present, personally involved God who loves, rescues, and takes care of all who trust You. You exercise Your gracious authority over all nations -- and over each individual in all the world. There is none like You, the true God, the living God, the everlasting King.
I praise You for Your sovereignty over the broad events of my life and over the details. With You nothing is accidental, nothing is incidental, and no experience is wasted. You hold in Your own power my breath of life and all my destiny. And every trial that You allow to happen is a platform on which You reveal Yourself, showing Your love and power, both to me and others looking on. Thank You that I can move into the future nondefensively, with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, for You hold the future and You will always be with me, even to my old age...and through all eternity.
(31 Days of Praise, by Ruth Myers)
O Lord Most High, You rule over the heavens and the earth, for You made all things by Your great power, and You keep them existing and working by Your mighty Word. You are exalted high above every star and galaxy in the entire cosmos...yet You are also "the God of all mankind," the great personally present, personally involved God who loves, rescues, and takes care of all who trust You. You exercise Your gracious authority over all nations -- and over each individual in all the world. There is none like You, the true God, the living God, the everlasting King.
I praise You for Your sovereignty over the broad events of my life and over the details. With You nothing is accidental, nothing is incidental, and no experience is wasted. You hold in Your own power my breath of life and all my destiny. And every trial that You allow to happen is a platform on which You reveal Yourself, showing Your love and power, both to me and others looking on. Thank You that I can move into the future nondefensively, with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, for You hold the future and You will always be with me, even to my old age...and through all eternity.
(31 Days of Praise, by Ruth Myers)
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Day 4...
Gonna share with you an excerpt from my journal today in the hopes that you might keep it near your prayer heart.
Well God I suppose it's happened with every mother from Eve to the one that just gave birth today just moments ago...no matter how You created within us a mother heart, if we have one, and desire to follow you, there comes a point in time when with great difficulty we release our clenched fists which hang onto these precious ones that we've been offered the privilege to care for. Think I just realized tonight why my heart hurts way deep. Think you're asking for me to take my hearts fists off that which was never mine in the first place. Don't know that there's been another time when I've wanted to hold on any tighter to anything in my life, or fight with anymore of a vengeance to my right to these feelings of ownership in some ways. These little guys have become a part of me, some days I feel like they've become the best part of me, and I want to hang onto them. I want to watch them grow everyday, I want to pray with them every night, I want to walk them through the moments of life. I want to always play the I love you game with Francisco and montan de pico's with Mario. God that may happen, I may get that privilege, and I may not. That's not really the point though is it?! The point really is whether I'll trust you. The point really is relinquishing my control and trusting yours. The point really is that being a "mother" doesn't mean hanging on with both fists to them, it means hanging on with both fists to you and trusting that You (the one who gave them to my heart in the first place) will take better care of them than I ever could. God help me. Help my selfishness, my arrogance, my disbelief, my pride. Help my heart in every way you know I need it. Tonight God I lay on the altar, Antonio, Francisco, Mario, Marvin, and Yovani and I release these clenched fists that are scared to death to lose them ever. I accept being a part of your plan for them, whatever that part may be, and I beg for You to work out Your perfect plan (not my ideal plan) for their lives. Do within them every single day what might cause them to love you most and grow into warriors for You. God I came to be a "director" or a "manager" of this home, this House of Hope and somehow those words just don't really come close, direct and manage. I didn't know it would mean learning so much about how to open your heart up and love, to develop a mother's love for children you never gave birth to but couldn't tell your heart the difference, I never knew it would mean learning so much about You in these moments. Thank You for all the lessons You had waiting that I had no clue about. Once again God today I will choose to trust You when my heart is afraid and You will bring peace because You love me and are are faithful. Be patient with this new momma heart You've grown within me, cause loving this much in such a genuine vulnerable way is all new territory, scary for your heart to feel so exposed. I will do my very best to follow as You lead, but I need you to continue to stir and sift and tell me to let go when I'm trying to hang on to them instead of hanging on to You and trusting You to hang onto them. I love You Father more than I ever could have without understanding more clearly how difficult it had to have been for You to give up Your Son for me. Help me to love like that, grow in me a love like that!
Here's Day 4 from 31 Days of Praise...
I love You, Father, because You first loved me and sent Your Son to atone for my sins. And I stand amazed that Jesus, who by nature had always been God, did not cling to His rights as Your equal...that He laid aside all His privileges, to be born as a human being...that He totally humbled Himself, submitting to the death of a common criminal, enduring infinite humiliation and pain...that on the cross You laid on Him the compressed weight of all my sin and guilt and shame, of all my griefs and sorrows, and He became sin for me, dying the death I deserved.
And how much I praise You that it was impossible for death to hold Him in its power...that You raised Him from the dead to be my Savior, to make me righteous in Your sight...that You highly exalted Him, giving Him a position infinitely superior to any conceivable command, authority, power, or control, both natural and supernatural. Thank You that He is the Great High Priest...that He is able to save me completely, for He lives forever and prays for me, and for all of us who have come to You through Him. I glorify You, my Father, with gratefulness and joy.
And I bow at the feet of Him who was dead, and is now alive forever and ever. I exalt Him, I yield myself to Him, for He is worthy of the total response of my being. "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing."
Well God I suppose it's happened with every mother from Eve to the one that just gave birth today just moments ago...no matter how You created within us a mother heart, if we have one, and desire to follow you, there comes a point in time when with great difficulty we release our clenched fists which hang onto these precious ones that we've been offered the privilege to care for. Think I just realized tonight why my heart hurts way deep. Think you're asking for me to take my hearts fists off that which was never mine in the first place. Don't know that there's been another time when I've wanted to hold on any tighter to anything in my life, or fight with anymore of a vengeance to my right to these feelings of ownership in some ways. These little guys have become a part of me, some days I feel like they've become the best part of me, and I want to hang onto them. I want to watch them grow everyday, I want to pray with them every night, I want to walk them through the moments of life. I want to always play the I love you game with Francisco and montan de pico's with Mario. God that may happen, I may get that privilege, and I may not. That's not really the point though is it?! The point really is whether I'll trust you. The point really is relinquishing my control and trusting yours. The point really is that being a "mother" doesn't mean hanging on with both fists to them, it means hanging on with both fists to you and trusting that You (the one who gave them to my heart in the first place) will take better care of them than I ever could. God help me. Help my selfishness, my arrogance, my disbelief, my pride. Help my heart in every way you know I need it. Tonight God I lay on the altar, Antonio, Francisco, Mario, Marvin, and Yovani and I release these clenched fists that are scared to death to lose them ever. I accept being a part of your plan for them, whatever that part may be, and I beg for You to work out Your perfect plan (not my ideal plan) for their lives. Do within them every single day what might cause them to love you most and grow into warriors for You. God I came to be a "director" or a "manager" of this home, this House of Hope and somehow those words just don't really come close, direct and manage. I didn't know it would mean learning so much about how to open your heart up and love, to develop a mother's love for children you never gave birth to but couldn't tell your heart the difference, I never knew it would mean learning so much about You in these moments. Thank You for all the lessons You had waiting that I had no clue about. Once again God today I will choose to trust You when my heart is afraid and You will bring peace because You love me and are are faithful. Be patient with this new momma heart You've grown within me, cause loving this much in such a genuine vulnerable way is all new territory, scary for your heart to feel so exposed. I will do my very best to follow as You lead, but I need you to continue to stir and sift and tell me to let go when I'm trying to hang on to them instead of hanging on to You and trusting You to hang onto them. I love You Father more than I ever could have without understanding more clearly how difficult it had to have been for You to give up Your Son for me. Help me to love like that, grow in me a love like that!
Here's Day 4 from 31 Days of Praise...
I love You, Father, because You first loved me and sent Your Son to atone for my sins. And I stand amazed that Jesus, who by nature had always been God, did not cling to His rights as Your equal...that He laid aside all His privileges, to be born as a human being...that He totally humbled Himself, submitting to the death of a common criminal, enduring infinite humiliation and pain...that on the cross You laid on Him the compressed weight of all my sin and guilt and shame, of all my griefs and sorrows, and He became sin for me, dying the death I deserved.
And how much I praise You that it was impossible for death to hold Him in its power...that You raised Him from the dead to be my Savior, to make me righteous in Your sight...that You highly exalted Him, giving Him a position infinitely superior to any conceivable command, authority, power, or control, both natural and supernatural. Thank You that He is the Great High Priest...that He is able to save me completely, for He lives forever and prays for me, and for all of us who have come to You through Him. I glorify You, my Father, with gratefulness and joy.
And I bow at the feet of Him who was dead, and is now alive forever and ever. I exalt Him, I yield myself to Him, for He is worthy of the total response of my being. "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power and riches and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)