Ok, ok so I know we've been slacking and there hasn't been an update for several days. I apologize for that. We've been crazy busy and as you well know as time goes on you get exhausted and by the time that you are in your room at night you fall into the bed. I have had an awesome time. I'm convinced I had the coolest room in the place. I got to meet some sweet sisters who define the word fun. We laughed so hard. Great big hearts and some good friendships formed in ten days in this place. Thanks, Julie, Niki, Phyllis, Esperanza and Karen for what you added to my journey this time. You're good stuff!!
Now as for the past few days here's a brief summary that once again won't do justice. I'll do my best and trust God to convey the rest. I'm gonna have to start with today and work my way backwards. As many memories as I have in this place, as unique as they all are, and as wonderful as they all rate, I think perhaps today was my favorite day in Honduras. I am over and over again surprised that the best things in life are often the hardest. We went today to Jimmy Hughes orphanage. The children that he takes in here are a special breed. They have had to have been victims of watching their parents assasinated or various other horrendous violent crimes. Each child comes with a story and he shared so many of those with us today. We played with the children, toured this amazing facility, and then walked maybe a quarter mile up the road to his rehabilitation center where he rehabs drug addicts, murderers, and the like. I have heard a lot of preaching in my 28 years of life, but I have NEVER heard someone preach like this man's life or his life giving words. Jimmy's story has a plot similar to a modern day Paul. He was born to a missionary mother and he grew up in Brazil. His parents divorced when he was very young and so he grew up without a daddy. Around 14 or 15 he began to get very rebellious and was into drugs and alcohol. When he was 16 his mother signed him up for the armed forces because he was out of control. While he was enlisted he took every special training course available to him. He had sniper training, ranger training, special forces training, wartime training, etc. He became a ranger for the special forces in the United States Army. After getting out of the army he was a hitman for the maffia. Several times today when sharing his testimony he expressed the fact that he had killed enough people and seen enough blood to fill a swimming pool. One night he had a contract for a hit to the tune of $30,000 and between him and his target stood six men. In the matter of a minute he had shot them all in the head and left them dead and as he lifted his pistol to shoot his target he looked into the eyes of the man and he saw his own face. He said in that instant he felt the hand of the Lord and heard His voice say..."Jimmy know ye this day that I love you and I CAN forgive you." He said he put his gun down walked away turned stateside evidence and never looked back. He was done with that life forever. His story is heart wrenching, but what God has done through his life for these children is absolutely amazing. I sat in a puddle of tears the entire time he talked. I will share more with you later but I want to just share this one story. This will be very straightforward and perhaps crude in some ways, but it's the way he shared it and I know no other way to tell it than to just speak the truth here and so I beg your forgiveness if there was a more tactful way to present this. There was a young girl there today and he asked her to stand as he told her story. Her name was Roxana, beautiful girl about 16 years old. She had come to his facility about a year ago. Her mother is a prositute and because of that she was next to forced into gang life and horrendous things that are unimaginable. This precious young lady stood while he explained that during her gang life she had been forced to place 38 revolvers into her vagina and smuggle all sorts of weapons that way into the prisons. It has torn her insides to pieces and when she came to him she was nothing short of a complete mess. To look at her face you'd never know the pain her heart has known. Two of her friends who were in this gang with her were decapitated and cut wide open in front of her and just in time she escaped. A few days later she ran into the first lady of Honduras and begged her to help. She was then taken to this facility where she is protected because there are people right now who are looking to find her to kill her. She will spend the rest of her life there so that she can be protected. I sat there and I listened to this story with tears pouring down my cheeks and several other stories just like it and this sweet sweet girl who has been brutally abused and mistreated was sitting just above me on the steps. I saw her looking at me out of the corner of my eye and in one of the most holy instants of my life she slid her hand into my hand and held it for the rest of the time that Jimmy talked. She saw my tears and she wanted to comfort me. My tears were for her and her pain and she was able by the grace of God to be Jesus' hands in my life today and I thought isn't that just like God. To use someone else's hurts to comfort and heal your own. I felt my sandals fall off and in my heart my face hit the ground before a God who turns horrendous into extraordinary. Lots more stories from there that I pray you all get to hear at another time. It rocked my world and there wasn't a dry eye in the place while we listened to him talk. It just touched you to tears to hear and see all God was doing in this place.
That was basically today's big moment in my world.
Yesterday, we went to Hospital Escuela and to Casitas Kennedy. So needless to say it's been a losing your heart couple of days. Once again, I loved on kids all over the place. We stood beside the bed of so many sick children and their mothers and prayed and loved. One that stands out for all of us was a little baby with hydrocephalis and a brain tumor that had his little head in an incubator box and looked so incredibly sick. He was only days old and his name was Carlos. He could use all the prayers you have to offer. We stood there and prayed for him as he struggled for every breath and it was all you could do to hold it together long enough to attempt to console in any way. We also sang beside the bedside and the song that was chosen was Seek Ye First. I was so humbled by this experience because somewhere in my spirit I thought we don't really have a clue, most of us, how deep this seeking Him first goes or what it requires. How do you practically walk out the seeking when you are sitting beside the bed of your dying child? It took on new depth for me today and it caused questions to surface that wouldn't have otherwise and it's still created some ponderings that won't be settled for a while, maybe ever. Like God, does seeking You first ever come without brokenness and pain? What is it that you would love to see in moments like that...what are you looking for? That's one of the reasons I love this place so much. It causes me to look deeper than surface level and get real about the things that matter. That's a blessing that many times home doesn't afford because I'm so wrapped up in the pretense and distraction. We all are and I apologize if that rubs you the wrong way but it's the truth. We're distracted and we lose focus and it's noisy and we pretend for each other all the time, all the while keeping us from falling together before God. We can't afford that and I am so thankful for the way this country and the absence of pretense calls me back to center.
At Casitas Kennedy yesterday, I went to love on babies, and it was a delight, but it was the teenage girls who once again absolutely stole my heart. We sat and read the bible together, I underlined some of my favorite verses in their bibles, we laughed and ate candy and hugged each other and cried together over a couple girls who had only been there for a few days because their mother had just died or their older sister had just brought them and dropped them off because they couldn't afford to feed them anymore. Over and over throughout the day this one gal kept saying to me, will you sponsor me in English. When I asked her what that meant in Spanish she said, tu mi madre. Which means you be my mother. Awwwwwwwwwwww if I could have walked out of there at that moment with her to give her a new life I would have in a second. I saw Jesus in the fact that today when I looked into eyes begging me to take her home I had to say no but in a few months I will be able to look into eyes and say yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, you may now come home. Oh joy beyond joys!! More about moments there too at some time later I'm sure.
Then Wednesday, I worked again out at Santa Ana. If you haven't noticed, I've just fallen in love with that property. I've had an opportunity this week to meet some other precious people who will also be working out on the property with Mi Esperanza and the church and the various other projects. It will be a delight to work with them also I can already tell. We had 3 of the walls about halfway up by the end of the day and moved like 2,000 concrete blocks and had fun doing it. The ground for the childrens home was leveled today and the well has begun to be dug. Things are moving right along and it's gonna be such a special place. Worshipped tonight at the Jesus statue and as is always the case it was a treat. So humbling to sing praise and worship music sitting below Jesus outstretched arms overlooking a city that your heart has grown to love beyond words. Though the darkness is deceiving as to all that is visible come the light of day in that same city I wonder if in the darkness we see more clearly the potential to be the light of Jesus to so many dark places. It's always touching.
Mark had one of his most awesome experiences too today. I don't want to ruin it for him and so I will allow him to share the details with you, but I'll just say this. He did some dunking for Jesus this day and it was a new experience that brought a sweet joy to his face and tears to his eyes as he so hoped his dad is having an opportunity to see him now.
We've all been changed and grown and been challenged and gone deeper and laughed and cried and everything in between. Some moments have been horrendously hard and others have been terrificly light and uplifting. One thing remains the same every time I come here. I can count on coming face to face with Jesus. Through dirty little brown eyed faces and this time in dirty little brown feet, through momma's and children and grandmothers and all the rest, in the pleading eyes of the hungry, in the sorrowful eyes of the sick, in the faithful eyes of the dependent upon God's provision, in the hearts of those you serve and those you serve with...you can count on seeing the face of Christ.
Once again He has shown Himself immeasurably faithful and He has shown up to walk this journey with us, beside us, better than that IN us. I didn't take one step of this journey apart from Him because He chose to live inside this filthy rags sinner that He made righteous. Is that amazing incredible HUGE overwhelming love or what??
We're on our way home tomorrow morning and we'll see you all soon after that. Thank you for your prayers, your support, your love, and all the rest. We love you!!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Tuesday's Update
Well hmmm not much to post on here today for Jen. Let's just say there'll be no more pupusa's for Jen EVER!!! That one little piece of fried flatbread was certainly not worth all it's trouble. Pray that tomorrow will be a better day please. I must go love on children. It's what I am sent here by God to do and I don't do it well from the bed. :) I suppose this is all part of the Honduran experience and I haven't paid my dues yet so my time has now come. You can only avoid it for so long and I by far have not had it nearly as bad as some folks. So thank you Lord.
Because I was in bed all day however I got to have such a neat conversation today with Terri Tindall (Marc's wife). She is such a sweet lady. I am reminded over and over again how you never know the miles one has traveled. Marc and Terri lost a son a little over 5 years ago and we got a chance today to talk about some of that. Today 180 people are here being impacted by lives who learned how to live abundantly in Christ even after horrendous pain. I am touched by that and I see Jesus in both of them so much.
I am honored and privileged to know them and get to serve with them in this ministry. I'll let Karen and Mark post on here to tell you about their days later if they want to. They built a house together today in the mountains of Santa Ana.
We are both just falling in love with Marta and her children, Dennis and Cristian. They are adorable and we'll get to spend lots of time loving on them come December. We're excited about that! Karen had a great day with them today.
Goodnight for now!
Because I was in bed all day however I got to have such a neat conversation today with Terri Tindall (Marc's wife). She is such a sweet lady. I am reminded over and over again how you never know the miles one has traveled. Marc and Terri lost a son a little over 5 years ago and we got a chance today to talk about some of that. Today 180 people are here being impacted by lives who learned how to live abundantly in Christ even after horrendous pain. I am touched by that and I see Jesus in both of them so much.
I am honored and privileged to know them and get to serve with them in this ministry. I'll let Karen and Mark post on here to tell you about their days later if they want to. They built a house together today in the mountains of Santa Ana.
We are both just falling in love with Marta and her children, Dennis and Cristian. They are adorable and we'll get to spend lots of time loving on them come December. We're excited about that! Karen had a great day with them today.
Goodnight for now!
Urgent Request
Hey all...if your eyes are reading this blog today I am begging your prayers for my friend Terry. You've heard me ask several times and today I am no less than BEGGING!! Terry's cancer is definitely back for a third time and they are trying a clinical treatment option but it's not looking good.
Nate is here a long way away from his daddy and when I saw him this morning his face just fell and he just fell into my hug with tears from a broken heart. Please keep him near your prayer heart.
These temples weren't made to last forever, but this is HARD!!! Continue to pester God with us please, He tells us to pray persistently and this man is worth being persistent for!!
Thanks and blessings on your day!
Nate is here a long way away from his daddy and when I saw him this morning his face just fell and he just fell into my hug with tears from a broken heart. Please keep him near your prayer heart.
These temples weren't made to last forever, but this is HARD!!! Continue to pester God with us please, He tells us to pray persistently and this man is worth being persistent for!!
Thanks and blessings on your day!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Monday's Update
Another great day in Honduras!! That is Marc Tindall's mantra. "It's gonna be another great day in Honduras." He says that every morning as he gives us the plan for the day. I'm definitely starting to believe that each day IS great in Honduras...matter of fact each day is great regardless when you're walking through it with Jesus. I don't mean great like it's all fluff and easy and light and smiles all around. I can assure you I don't even believe that to be true in this land that I love so much. I do LOVE it here, there's no doubt about that, but this has by far been my most difficult trip to this place. Satan has attacked in no uncertain terms. Matter of fact I'm lying at the Mission House today with some HTP (Honduran Toilet Party) going on, which is a totally new experience here because the other two trips I was not sick in the least while here. I have felt him attacking my heart and body and attempting to distract my focus and I would say the same has been true for all of us at moments. He's been an active booger! Here's what I've decided...Satan attacks with a vengeance when he is scared of all that will be accomplished for Jesus. So while my stomach hurts today and I'm not getting to play with kiddo's, I have a few options, be upset and lay here and feel sorry for myself, or call it for what it is...another futile effort from Satan to hold me down and make me miss out on this trip. It can still be a great day in Honduras even if I'm in this bed and I spend it with God and write to this blog and catch you all up on the day and pray for those who right now are out there being Jesus' hands and feet. I'm tired of caving in to Satan's hits to the heart and body. So I'm gonna choose to make today a great day in spite of myself! It's great cause I'm God's girl and it doesn't need any more merit than that! Alright so glad you all got to join in my little pep talk from God! Guess I needed one! :)
So yesterday...well yesterday started out with a devotional down on the rock and ended up with a baptism of one of the team members ( a little gal maybe 13 or so named Holly who had come face to face with Jesus and decided she was ready to make a commitment to Him for life). From beginning to end it was filled with seeing Jesus everywhere. You know I've spent a whole lot more of my life not seeking His face than I have seeking it, but I'm learning when you look He is everywhere.
Karen and I went with a team of about 30-35 people out to the property at Santa Ana. We're
feeling a pretty strong heart tie to that place. They were beginning on the church and doing a VBS/Bible study out there. While we were out there we moved LOTS AND LOTS of cinder blocks. (That seems to be a recurring theme) down to the duplexes and over to the church site. Seriously like probably 200 or more... we formed a human chain assembly line for the blocks and passed them from one to another. Then we moved 100 lb bags of concrete inside the clinic where we are storing supplies for now. They would load them onto our back off the side of the truck and we'd walk them down the hill to the clinic. We wheelbarrowed loads of sand and gravel up and down the sidewalk multiple times. It was a physical labor, bufftruck day. Every muscle in my 
body got worked yesterday, I know cause I can feel them all today when I'm lying still. :) Karen and I looked at each other from our bunk this morning and said ouch at exactly the same time. That about sums that up! It was awesome to come home dirty and worn out for Jesus though. Lots was accomplished today, another sidewalk was put in by the end of the day, blocks were moved and laid, concrete was mixed and poured and that was only the physical parts of the property. While all of this was going on they were also conducting VBS for the children outside, and Bible studies for the adults inside the clinic. I stole away for a while to sit in on the adult Bible study and pray for these people from the area who had come because they wanted to know more about God. It was precious. They would listen intently and then ask questions and they desperately wanted to know what they needed to do to have this relationship with God. Several 
people after the group study was over asked for individual time to study with someone and by the end of the day 3 people had put on Christ through baptism. We all got to witness them go into the water with Jesus in this open well out behind the clinic. Once again it felt like you so got to walk in places Jesus would have walked. Not in baptistries within a church building but in muddy water in an open well. It was just neat. 
We met two mothers there today at the property who had babies who had been sick with a very high fever for more than 8 days and were pleading with us to help their children. I don't know of another time when my heart is hit more than when I watch the pleading heart of a mother for her child here. They don't have money to be able to access good medical care and even if they could they would never be able to afford the medication needed. Being born in a country where you are able to do both is a tremendous privilege that we take so much for granted and I am struck by that every time I see these momma's tears. We have a doctor with us on this trip and he sat with them and was going to take some antibiotics that he brought with him back to them today. Just like Jesus to meet physical needs to be able to talk about spiritual things. I bet those mother's
will be able to hear and feel more clearly when the burden of their children dying is removed from their shoulders. Please pray for these children, we saw 2 today but there are a thousand other cases just like them all over this country.
Mark took Connie to the airport for the first part of the day and "had a hard time putting her on that plane" in his words. It was so good to have her here and I so enjoyed getting to know her heart better. She is special stuff and I'm thankful that she got to see this place and feel what we've all felt at least in part.
On the bus ride home from Santa Ana, I saw a beautiful representation of what it means to give your heart away and it touched me to tears. I sat a few rows behind this lady named Kay. She's probably 50 ish and is just a delight to be around. Bubbly and fun and joyful and lo
ves God and people a whole bunch. (Reminds me a WHOLE lot of someone else I know that fits that description to a T) Some of you may have read about Dennis and Marta the brick layer that TORCH hired to make all the block for the property at Santa Ana. Marta his wife, watched her mother be killed by her father and has been "orphaned" ever since. They rode our bus back today to be dropped off to catch another bus home and she and Kay sat together the whole way and Kay attempted to talk with her and ask questions about her family and such. I was just mesmerized by the whole thing because it was such a tender encounter by two people who couldn't communicate well with language, but overwhelmingly communicated with love. Marta brought Kay flowe
rs while we were out on the property that she had picked from somewhere and told her she was her mother. The whole bus ride home they hugged and cried. At one point they both looked up when someone had asked them a question tears pouring down both their cheeks. Kay's been coming for the past several years and this is a relationship formed by giving your heart away to someone who desperately needs it. It was beyond words touching. I learned so much just watching.
We came back to the mission house and had dinner and then went to devo where we heard one of the most touching testimonies I've ever been honored to listen to. This man not even a year ago had been in a coma due to an explosion in his shop in the backyard where a friend of his had been making chrystal meth. He had walked into the building and something lit and exploded and threw him across the building into the other wall. He was on fire and went into shock when he saw his face in a mirror and ended up in a coma for 3 months. During that time he flat lined 3 times and was brought back miraculously against all odds. He had gotten involved in drugs and alcohol, lost his wife and kids, life had just gotten messy and he'd not really known God up until that point. He said he remembered saying to God in the hospital one night, God I know I've spent everyday of my life up until now living for myself, I promise me if you get me out of here, I'll spend everyday of the rest of my life living for you. That's exactly what he's doing. It was beyond inspiring and most eyes were wet. His name is Ray and he still desperately needs our prayers as trials are coming up soon because of the circumstances surrounding all of this. The awesome thing is he's going through this with God now and that's amazing grace.
One other note...I see Jesus in people's stories so much. I am so touched by them and how God writes and loves us through them. The gal who is bunking across from me in our room is here with her new husband and is genuine as can be. I liked her from the moment I met her. She's joyful and kind and fun. Last night or the night before we were having a conversation where she shared that her 24 year old sister was killed 3 weeks ago as she was hit by a drunk driver. She was playing cards at her parents house and was on her way home and was killed and left behind a 2 year old son named Jacob and a husband. I couldn't utter a single word, I just sat there and welled up with tears. She said I keep forgetting and wanting to call her. I was so shocked because her life is not one lived in sorrow, she's working hard serving people here and loving life and loving people and you would have no idea the pain she's carrying. I am seeing Jesus so much in her and I guess I'm sharing this because it has been one of the most touching things here but also to ask you to pray for her family. I can NOT imagine and they need the prayers of as many people as will to surround them right now at heart.
This was super long I know, and maybe wasn't all upbeat and woo hoo this is super duper good times in Honduras. This was real though and this is life where we all live it regardless of which country our bodies are in. It's not the day to day happenings that make a day great...cause sometimes the day to day happenings come wrapped up in pain and difficult moments...what makes every day great regardless of what happens is that we belong to Jesus and no matter what may happen on this earth, someday I'm gonna have His hands on my cheeks and get to kiss His feet and that's plenty to make this day GREAT!!! That's what allows us to continue to serve in the middle of horrendous sights of pain. It's what allows my new friend Ashley to be here and be Jesus while her heart hurts as she misses her sister so bad. It's what allows my new friend Kay to wrap a young girl up in her arms and weep with her. It's what allows all of us to live for Him in the middle of this life regardless of what comes.
Thank you Lord for giving us what we need, whether it's what we want or not. You know best and we trust you!
It's another great day in Honduras!!
So yesterday...well yesterday started out with a devotional down on the rock and ended up with a baptism of one of the team members ( a little gal maybe 13 or so named Holly who had come face to face with Jesus and decided she was ready to make a commitment to Him for life). From beginning to end it was filled with seeing Jesus everywhere. You know I've spent a whole lot more of my life not seeking His face than I have seeking it, but I'm learning when you look He is everywhere.
Karen and I went with a team of about 30-35 people out to the property at Santa Ana. We're
feeling a pretty strong heart tie to that place. They were beginning on the church and doing a VBS/Bible study out there. While we were out there we moved LOTS AND LOTS of cinder blocks. (That seems to be a recurring theme) down to the duplexes and over to the church site. Seriously like probably 200 or more... we formed a human chain assembly line for the blocks and passed them from one to another. Then we moved 100 lb bags of concrete inside the clinic where we are storing supplies for now. They would load them onto our back off the side of the truck and we'd walk them down the hill to the clinic. We wheelbarrowed loads of sand and gravel up and down the sidewalk multiple times. It was a physical labor, bufftruck day. Every muscle in my 
body got worked yesterday, I know cause I can feel them all today when I'm lying still. :) Karen and I looked at each other from our bunk this morning and said ouch at exactly the same time. That about sums that up! It was awesome to come home dirty and worn out for Jesus though. Lots was accomplished today, another sidewalk was put in by the end of the day, blocks were moved and laid, concrete was mixed and poured and that was only the physical parts of the property. While all of this was going on they were also conducting VBS for the children outside, and Bible studies for the adults inside the clinic. I stole away for a while to sit in on the adult Bible study and pray for these people from the area who had come because they wanted to know more about God. It was precious. They would listen intently and then ask questions and they desperately wanted to know what they needed to do to have this relationship with God. Several 
people after the group study was over asked for individual time to study with someone and by the end of the day 3 people had put on Christ through baptism. We all got to witness them go into the water with Jesus in this open well out behind the clinic. Once again it felt like you so got to walk in places Jesus would have walked. Not in baptistries within a church building but in muddy water in an open well. It was just neat. 
We met two mothers there today at the property who had babies who had been sick with a very high fever for more than 8 days and were pleading with us to help their children. I don't know of another time when my heart is hit more than when I watch the pleading heart of a mother for her child here. They don't have money to be able to access good medical care and even if they could they would never be able to afford the medication needed. Being born in a country where you are able to do both is a tremendous privilege that we take so much for granted and I am struck by that every time I see these momma's tears. We have a doctor with us on this trip and he sat with them and was going to take some antibiotics that he brought with him back to them today. Just like Jesus to meet physical needs to be able to talk about spiritual things. I bet those mother's
will be able to hear and feel more clearly when the burden of their children dying is removed from their shoulders. Please pray for these children, we saw 2 today but there are a thousand other cases just like them all over this country.Mark took Connie to the airport for the first part of the day and "had a hard time putting her on that plane" in his words. It was so good to have her here and I so enjoyed getting to know her heart better. She is special stuff and I'm thankful that she got to see this place and feel what we've all felt at least in part.
On the bus ride home from Santa Ana, I saw a beautiful representation of what it means to give your heart away and it touched me to tears. I sat a few rows behind this lady named Kay. She's probably 50 ish and is just a delight to be around. Bubbly and fun and joyful and lo
ves God and people a whole bunch. (Reminds me a WHOLE lot of someone else I know that fits that description to a T) Some of you may have read about Dennis and Marta the brick layer that TORCH hired to make all the block for the property at Santa Ana. Marta his wife, watched her mother be killed by her father and has been "orphaned" ever since. They rode our bus back today to be dropped off to catch another bus home and she and Kay sat together the whole way and Kay attempted to talk with her and ask questions about her family and such. I was just mesmerized by the whole thing because it was such a tender encounter by two people who couldn't communicate well with language, but overwhelmingly communicated with love. Marta brought Kay flowe
rs while we were out on the property that she had picked from somewhere and told her she was her mother. The whole bus ride home they hugged and cried. At one point they both looked up when someone had asked them a question tears pouring down both their cheeks. Kay's been coming for the past several years and this is a relationship formed by giving your heart away to someone who desperately needs it. It was beyond words touching. I learned so much just watching.We came back to the mission house and had dinner and then went to devo where we heard one of the most touching testimonies I've ever been honored to listen to. This man not even a year ago had been in a coma due to an explosion in his shop in the backyard where a friend of his had been making chrystal meth. He had walked into the building and something lit and exploded and threw him across the building into the other wall. He was on fire and went into shock when he saw his face in a mirror and ended up in a coma for 3 months. During that time he flat lined 3 times and was brought back miraculously against all odds. He had gotten involved in drugs and alcohol, lost his wife and kids, life had just gotten messy and he'd not really known God up until that point. He said he remembered saying to God in the hospital one night, God I know I've spent everyday of my life up until now living for myself, I promise me if you get me out of here, I'll spend everyday of the rest of my life living for you. That's exactly what he's doing. It was beyond inspiring and most eyes were wet. His name is Ray and he still desperately needs our prayers as trials are coming up soon because of the circumstances surrounding all of this. The awesome thing is he's going through this with God now and that's amazing grace.
One other note...I see Jesus in people's stories so much. I am so touched by them and how God writes and loves us through them. The gal who is bunking across from me in our room is here with her new husband and is genuine as can be. I liked her from the moment I met her. She's joyful and kind and fun. Last night or the night before we were having a conversation where she shared that her 24 year old sister was killed 3 weeks ago as she was hit by a drunk driver. She was playing cards at her parents house and was on her way home and was killed and left behind a 2 year old son named Jacob and a husband. I couldn't utter a single word, I just sat there and welled up with tears. She said I keep forgetting and wanting to call her. I was so shocked because her life is not one lived in sorrow, she's working hard serving people here and loving life and loving people and you would have no idea the pain she's carrying. I am seeing Jesus so much in her and I guess I'm sharing this because it has been one of the most touching things here but also to ask you to pray for her family. I can NOT imagine and they need the prayers of as many people as will to surround them right now at heart.
This was super long I know, and maybe wasn't all upbeat and woo hoo this is super duper good times in Honduras. This was real though and this is life where we all live it regardless of which country our bodies are in. It's not the day to day happenings that make a day great...cause sometimes the day to day happenings come wrapped up in pain and difficult moments...what makes every day great regardless of what happens is that we belong to Jesus and no matter what may happen on this earth, someday I'm gonna have His hands on my cheeks and get to kiss His feet and that's plenty to make this day GREAT!!! That's what allows us to continue to serve in the middle of horrendous sights of pain. It's what allows my new friend Ashley to be here and be Jesus while her heart hurts as she misses her sister so bad. It's what allows my new friend Kay to wrap a young girl up in her arms and weep with her. It's what allows all of us to live for Him in the middle of this life regardless of what comes.
Thank you Lord for giving us what we need, whether it's what we want or not. You know best and we trust you!
It's another great day in Honduras!!
Monday, July 25, 2005
Sunday's Update
Ok so the two posts this morning didn't happen...sorry about that so here's the update for Sunday.
We started the morning on the mountain with God in some quiet time alone after breakfast. It was good refocus time. We were unable to get up any of the mountain roads to get to the area churches and while that was sort of a bummer because worship here is so special with the Honduran people, it was nice to have some time here to prepare for the week with the new team that just came in. At 10 am we gathered down at the rock and sang and prayed together about our week.
We headed to Pizza Hut for lunch and then out to Santa Ana. This property is absolutely amazing. There is greenery everywhere. Little brooks running through and a waterfall in the middle of sidewalks which cross in the m
iddle of the various building spots. It's awesome. It looks like a place I would choose to retreat to. So all of you better save your pennies, you're going to want to come stay here I promise.
We moved LOTS of cinder blocks when we got to the property. Lots and lots and lots of blocks down towards the duplex houses. They are so nice. Several families are going to absolutely love their new living quarters. It is going to be such a neat place to be a part of.
Marc's team is building a church building here this week and so we stood on the land where the building
will be and we had communion there together. 170 of us all gathered around in a circle passing tortillas and bottles of grape juice, thanking God for those who would come to this place and fall in love with Jesus. It was awesome. I will remember that communion for a long time to come. It put some things into perspective about all it represents and how small we allow it to be sometimes.
Then we moved down to the spot where the childrens home will be. Marc, Tim, Karen, and I all grabbed shovels, stuck them into the ground and moved some dirt. Tim said some terrific things about how little this means for us, yet how much it means for some hungry children who soon will come home.
It was beautiful. Then 170 people gathered around us as Mark McKain led us all in a heart touching prayer (where I bawled like a baby and could have sobbed loudly without any trouble). Hands on our shoulders, being surrounded by God's family that we don't know well but lots of tears in the eyes and some tender genuine hugs encouraging our hearts. It was so kind.
From there we headed back to the misson house had a wonderful devo and were all exhausted and ready to hit the hay. It was a big day and we all were humbled to be a part of all God is doing in this place. It is an honor beyond words to have any part in helping these sweet children. May we be His love!
It's hard to know what the proper response should be when God makes dreams come true. Standing on that soil today was emotional for a thousand reasons. Not the least of which is that we'll build something on that ground. Yes a building will surely be built there that will house ninos and give them a safe dry place to sleep, but oh God I so pray we build little warriors for Your kingdom. May that above all else be the most important thing built there.
We started the morning on the mountain with God in some quiet time alone after breakfast. It was good refocus time. We were unable to get up any of the mountain roads to get to the area churches and while that was sort of a bummer because worship here is so special with the Honduran people, it was nice to have some time here to prepare for the week with the new team that just came in. At 10 am we gathered down at the rock and sang and prayed together about our week.
We headed to Pizza Hut for lunch and then out to Santa Ana. This property is absolutely amazing. There is greenery everywhere. Little brooks running through and a waterfall in the middle of sidewalks which cross in the m
iddle of the various building spots. It's awesome. It looks like a place I would choose to retreat to. So all of you better save your pennies, you're going to want to come stay here I promise.We moved LOTS of cinder blocks when we got to the property. Lots and lots and lots of blocks down towards the duplex houses. They are so nice. Several families are going to absolutely love their new living quarters. It is going to be such a neat place to be a part of.
Marc's team is building a church building here this week and so we stood on the land where the building
will be and we had communion there together. 170 of us all gathered around in a circle passing tortillas and bottles of grape juice, thanking God for those who would come to this place and fall in love with Jesus. It was awesome. I will remember that communion for a long time to come. It put some things into perspective about all it represents and how small we allow it to be sometimes.Then we moved down to the spot where the childrens home will be. Marc, Tim, Karen, and I all grabbed shovels, stuck them into the ground and moved some dirt. Tim said some terrific things about how little this means for us, yet how much it means for some hungry children who soon will come home.
It was beautiful. Then 170 people gathered around us as Mark McKain led us all in a heart touching prayer (where I bawled like a baby and could have sobbed loudly without any trouble). Hands on our shoulders, being surrounded by God's family that we don't know well but lots of tears in the eyes and some tender genuine hugs encouraging our hearts. It was so kind.From there we headed back to the misson house had a wonderful devo and were all exhausted and ready to hit the hay. It was a big day and we all were humbled to be a part of all God is doing in this place. It is an honor beyond words to have any part in helping these sweet children. May we be His love!
It's hard to know what the proper response should be when God makes dreams come true. Standing on that soil today was emotional for a thousand reasons. Not the least of which is that we'll build something on that ground. Yes a building will surely be built there that will house ninos and give them a safe dry place to sleep, but oh God I so pray we build little warriors for Your kingdom. May that above all else be the most important thing built there.
Day 3 Update (Saturday)
Alrighty...we're back at it again. Had a day or so when I couldn't use my computer but we're back in the money now so I'll try to get two days posted this morning so you can read them and see the pictures.
Connie and I went this morning to see the property where the childrens home will be. It is gorgeous, I'll post pictures for that on the next blog because we spent the whole day there Sunday. We walked through and saw where the church building will be, where the duplex houses will be, the clinic, the training facility, and the childrens home. You guys are going to LOVE this property. It's gorgeous, it looks like somewhere that you would retreat to honestly.
Mark went to "pound nails" with the boys. I think he'd had about all he could take of our oohing and aahing. :) He was ready to do some physical labor. We met up with them later. There were children around the house site...so needless to say I didn't get many nails hammered, but I had a ball coloring with children. Connie got a hammer in her hand though and had a good time!
The highlight of the day for me was that I got to give a little girl who had no shoes a pair of sweet little sandals and kiss those tiny feet who have already seen more desperation and dirt and tough stuff than I'll ever know. Sat there with tears thinking wonder what it would be like to walk a mile with
these little feet. Her grandmother when she knew I was going to put shoes on her feet asked me to wait a minute before I put them on. She took her down the hill to the house stood her outside and gave her a bath took her inside and put clean clothes on her, (probably the nicest she had) brought her back up and I put those little shoes on her, they fit perfectly by the way, thank you sweet Lord! Her abuella (grandmother) who was an absolute saint, held her for the rest of the day and didn't let her down in those shoes. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE and in moments like these I am reminded. Under my bed right now I probably have 6 pairs of shoes that are "old" and could be given away.
Then this mother of three children walked up to me and asked me if I had any more zapatos (shoes). I only had little people sizes and it was so difficult to look at those dirty feet that were rough and broken open in places and tell her I didn't have any. If my own shoes would have fit her I would have taken mine off and gone barefoot the rest of the day I th
ink, but her feet were so tiny. I did the only thing I knew to do and in the middle of mud and what I knew would make absolutely no difference in a few moments physically but I prayed would make a huge difference somewhere in a heart as she might be reminded of a man who would wash her feet any day to show her His love...I got out my wet ones and bent down to attempt to wash her feet. Hoping to make a difference for her God blew my heart away in that moment and I couldn't choke back the tears. It was humbling and such an honor. These words do NOT do justice, I know you all understand that there just is no way to explain this to anyone.
We built the home for the family who didn't have one earlier today...Glory to GOD!! Then left to pick Karen up at the airport, came back to the Mission House to meet half of Tindall's team. Some good folks indeed. Had a devo with some great singing for sure and then pillowed our heads for the night.
Connie and I went this morning to see the property where the childrens home will be. It is gorgeous, I'll post pictures for that on the next blog because we spent the whole day there Sunday. We walked through and saw where the church building will be, where the duplex houses will be, the clinic, the training facility, and the childrens home. You guys are going to LOVE this property. It's gorgeous, it looks like somewhere that you would retreat to honestly.
Mark went to "pound nails" with the boys. I think he'd had about all he could take of our oohing and aahing. :) He was ready to do some physical labor. We met up with them later. There were children around the house site...so needless to say I didn't get many nails hammered, but I had a ball coloring with children. Connie got a hammer in her hand though and had a good time!
The highlight of the day for me was that I got to give a little girl who had no shoes a pair of sweet little sandals and kiss those tiny feet who have already seen more desperation and dirt and tough stuff than I'll ever know. Sat there with tears thinking wonder what it would be like to walk a mile with
these little feet. Her grandmother when she knew I was going to put shoes on her feet asked me to wait a minute before I put them on. She took her down the hill to the house stood her outside and gave her a bath took her inside and put clean clothes on her, (probably the nicest she had) brought her back up and I put those little shoes on her, they fit perfectly by the way, thank you sweet Lord! Her abuella (grandmother) who was an absolute saint, held her for the rest of the day and didn't let her down in those shoes. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE and in moments like these I am reminded. Under my bed right now I probably have 6 pairs of shoes that are "old" and could be given away.Then this mother of three children walked up to me and asked me if I had any more zapatos (shoes). I only had little people sizes and it was so difficult to look at those dirty feet that were rough and broken open in places and tell her I didn't have any. If my own shoes would have fit her I would have taken mine off and gone barefoot the rest of the day I th
ink, but her feet were so tiny. I did the only thing I knew to do and in the middle of mud and what I knew would make absolutely no difference in a few moments physically but I prayed would make a huge difference somewhere in a heart as she might be reminded of a man who would wash her feet any day to show her His love...I got out my wet ones and bent down to attempt to wash her feet. Hoping to make a difference for her God blew my heart away in that moment and I couldn't choke back the tears. It was humbling and such an honor. These words do NOT do justice, I know you all understand that there just is no way to explain this to anyone.We built the home for the family who didn't have one earlier today...Glory to GOD!! Then left to pick Karen up at the airport, came back to the Mission House to meet half of Tindall's team. Some good folks indeed. Had a devo with some great singing for sure and then pillowed our heads for the night.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Day 2 Report
Well it's only the second day of our trip really and it's already impossible to find words to do it justice. I try, honestly I do, and I pray to find words that will in some way help you to in some small way experience a part of all we're experiencing. It's just so difficult to wrap up in words all that happens in a heart while you are here.
Today we began our day at Didasko. Joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy!! That about sums that up! Mark saw Eduardo and Junior as soon as he got off the bus and they both remembered his name. Junior took him to his bunk where he got out his backpack and pulled out the polariod of he and Mark that was taken in March that he had kept and treasured. I spent the day with a little girl named Norma that Rick's heart adopted when he was here in the spring and when we got off the bus and I asked where Norma was and she came over she asked me where Ricardo was and if
he was infirmo (sick). I said no and had Jorge come over and tell her he wished he could be there and that he loved her. We spent the rest of the day playing. It was good stuff. Such a reminder that as much as we take away from a two hour session of them nestling up so close to our hearts and memories being etched on our hearts forever, it is equally so for them. They remember your name and your face and the way that you loved them. It makes a difference.It was another great day in Honduras. We are so incredibly blessed to be here. We'll attach some pictures to show you from the playground that they opened for the children at Didasko today. They loved it! Jody you better start working on the blueprints for Casa de Esperanza, they outdid us, the race is on!!! :):)
Continue to be Jesus right where you are and we'll do our best to do the same.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Day 1 Report
Well it's official, we're in Honduras and it didn't take long for our hearts to be touched...crushed...hmmm you never really can find the right word for that exactly.
We hopped in on the tail end of Terry's trip, so they're winding things down and so yesterday they began the day by going to the Valley of the Angels to look in their trade shops. Mark and Connie got to shop and get some goodies and we were able to make it to the guitar makers shop and listen to him play which was amazing...he is way good!!
From there we journeyed to Campero's which is a chicken place. Sort of like KFC in the states only better. We had lunch there. As we were finishing lunch Tim and Judy and Brett came walking in with this sweet family of a mother and three boys. (For those of you who were here with me in March, you'll remember me begging Tim to take me to see Eduardo and his family...the family we had painted the house for and that I had sat with this little guy all afternoon and sang with, who walked me to the end of the lane and hung on the side of the Rodeo telling me how much he would miss me...one of my favorite moments in Honduras kiddos.) It was his family and I got to see him during lunch. HG...happy girl!! Although some might have mistaken my joy because of the tears on my face. I don't know how to explain this except to say that sometimes you have isolated moments here where you connect with another soul so deeply and you give yourself away never knowing if you'll ever see them again and there's this ache in knowing that. Today when I kissed his little cheek, and remembered singing Jesus Loves Me with him and him being by my side for an entire day and his little hand in mine walking down that lane as I had to leave, it was a thank you God moment that I was able to see his face again. Perhaps the best part was in my limited Spanish I tried to ask and motion to him...do you remember when I came to paint your house and he said "si, si...Jennifer." He remembered my name. With a tidal wave from a touched heart I was reminded these aren't just ineffective one time short term moments for them either, they get etched on their little hearts and they remember. May we love like Jesus enough that it makes an indelible mark on these childrens souls.
I also got to speak with the mother of the boys there, she smiled and was so kind. After dinner and I had eaten my 7 nuggets and whole mess of papas fritas (french fries), I offered the two nuggets I had left over to the boys and they had just eaten and so were full and didn't want them. The mother stood there and with pleading, do you mind eyes, motioned as if to say do you mind if I take them. Two chicken nuggets and she wrapped them with great care up in a napkin and stuck them in this little doggie bag to take home for later and said thank you at least three times with a beaming smile. She held onto that little bag as if it held gold treasure. It's funny after you've been here a couple times how you feel as if you are more prepared for this. I was not prepared for that and it was the first 2 x 4 applied to the heart. Truth is I'm still an American who is blessed beyond what I deserve and I don't understand ... I really don't get it and I'm learning that to pretend like I can even truly relate is a complete insult. Being here and seeing it and even serving in the middle of it does not equate to living it. I will never know the feeling in that mother's heart as she tries to feed her children and thinks she hit the jackpot over two chicken nuggets. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
We left Campero's and went to the Suyapa which is this huge Catholic Cathedral that holds a tragic story for the culture of Honduras. I'll elaborate on that at some other point, basically the gest is that this priest said that he had gotten a vision from Mary to build this HUGE cathedral went to the Vatican and pitched his idea to get funding and they said, we don't really think you got a vision and we're not going to financially support this. So he came back to this impoverished country and convinced his people that he had seen a vision and compelled them to give millions of dollars to build this building. It is ornate and beautiful, and tragic because right across the road from this structure are houses that are falling down where gates are locked between the two worlds and those people are not invited or allowed in to pray even. I wonder, if in different ways we do the same sorts of things without realizing it? I thought about that yesterday alot. Maybe not in such visible ways...but I think we remove ourselves sometimes from the hurting places in the world as we walk inside those church doors. Ok enough about that, perhaps just food for thought.
Then from there, treat above all treats, we got to go to the blind school. (Kelsey I'm sorry to even have to write this without you being here with us.) For those of you who don't know, the blind school here is a home for children who are blind where they receive an education and also get to live in the quarters there. They have roughly 60 students or so, some who commute back and forth from home just to come for schooling and some who live there full time. It's always amazing how much clearer your sight becomes after being with these kiddos. We play in the courtyard with them for a while passing out toys and candy and just spending time with these children. Mark had this boy climbing all over him feeling his muscles and bringing his friends over to feel his arms. It was hilarious. Connie was definitely in her element as these were the types of children she had worked with earlier in life. The playing with the children is always sweet time but the magic happens when you walk inside and take a seat to listen to them sing. Oh my heaven hold our hearts...angels singing that's all I've got. They sit there with their little blind eyes swaying to the music and children harmonize in ways that leave glorybumps all over your arms and tears running down your cheeks. It is absolutely amazing and that falls far short of doing it justice. They begged us to sing Someday for them as they LOVE that song and so we did and we sang a few songs for them and ended with Lord Be There...halfway in the middle of the song Tim said listen and started the verse Lord Be There FOR THEM when they fall, Be there for them when they call, Be there for them dear Lord. I don't remember another time taking so incredibly seriously the words I was singing as if begging God for his provision on their behalf. Tears everywhere...Tim and Mark needed a "Timmy towel" for sure. It just is so touching there is no other response as you watch this. It just leaks out your eyeballs.
We then came home and had dinner and went to devo and on a very personal note I got to spend some time with my dear friend Terry after devo. I know you've heard me mention his name and most of you know he's Nate's dad. What you may not know is that I would lay down in the middle of the road for this man. He's one of those kind of people in my world. I came early actually praying for some time to spend with Margaret and Terry. I got to sit with Margaret on the bus ride and we got to just share some time and some heart which we don't have the privilege of doing very often anymore. It was precious to me. If Margaret and I don't cry together once during a visit, it's not complete. :):) Let's just say this visit has been complete! Anyway, Terry and I sat and talked for a while and I got an opportunity to as how he was feeling and if he was worried and we just got some really sweet moments together where I got to remind him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him and Margaret walked in as we were finishing up our chat and I said let's say a prayer together before we go to bed...so I got to pray with and for them tonight and of all the things I will end up most grateful for on this trip, that will be near the top of my list. My heart hurts for them and I've not sat beside anyone I've known and loved as they struggle through not knowing about what's going to happen with life. So needless to say it was rough on the heartstrings.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM!! THINGS ARE DIFFICULT AND IT'S HARD TO MAINTAIN HOPE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T RECOVERED FROM THE LAST TREATMENTS AND ARE FINDING MORE SPOTS. HE NEEDS AN ARMY OF PRAYER WHO WILL TRUST IN A MIGHTY GOD!!
Far less important but equally as precious to me, I need your prayers in these next several hours that I get to spend with them before their trip ends that my heart will be steadfast to do that which God has called me to. It's been a blessed day...sometimes even blessed days have really tough moments!
Today we are going to Didasko to see the new playground and play with the children. Poppa Grose, today I so wish you could be here with me. Please know that although it's not the same, I'll hug on Norma for you and that I appreciate the privilege far more because I know how much it means to you guys so I pray not to take one second of it for granted.
Connie's loving it and Mark's loving her getting to experience it!! It's been good!!
We love and miss you all!!
We hopped in on the tail end of Terry's trip, so they're winding things down and so yesterday they began the day by going to the Valley of the Angels to look in their trade shops. Mark and Connie got to shop and get some goodies and we were able to make it to the guitar makers shop and listen to him play which was amazing...he is way good!!
From there we journeyed to Campero's which is a chicken place. Sort of like KFC in the states only better. We had lunch there. As we were finishing lunch Tim and Judy and Brett came walking in with this sweet family of a mother and three boys. (For those of you who were here with me in March, you'll remember me begging Tim to take me to see Eduardo and his family...the family we had painted the house for and that I had sat with this little guy all afternoon and sang with, who walked me to the end of the lane and hung on the side of the Rodeo telling me how much he would miss me...one of my favorite moments in Honduras kiddos.) It was his family and I got to see him during lunch. HG...happy girl!! Although some might have mistaken my joy because of the tears on my face. I don't know how to explain this except to say that sometimes you have isolated moments here where you connect with another soul so deeply and you give yourself away never knowing if you'll ever see them again and there's this ache in knowing that. Today when I kissed his little cheek, and remembered singing Jesus Loves Me with him and him being by my side for an entire day and his little hand in mine walking down that lane as I had to leave, it was a thank you God moment that I was able to see his face again. Perhaps the best part was in my limited Spanish I tried to ask and motion to him...do you remember when I came to paint your house and he said "si, si...Jennifer." He remembered my name. With a tidal wave from a touched heart I was reminded these aren't just ineffective one time short term moments for them either, they get etched on their little hearts and they remember. May we love like Jesus enough that it makes an indelible mark on these childrens souls.
I also got to speak with the mother of the boys there, she smiled and was so kind. After dinner and I had eaten my 7 nuggets and whole mess of papas fritas (french fries), I offered the two nuggets I had left over to the boys and they had just eaten and so were full and didn't want them. The mother stood there and with pleading, do you mind eyes, motioned as if to say do you mind if I take them. Two chicken nuggets and she wrapped them with great care up in a napkin and stuck them in this little doggie bag to take home for later and said thank you at least three times with a beaming smile. She held onto that little bag as if it held gold treasure. It's funny after you've been here a couple times how you feel as if you are more prepared for this. I was not prepared for that and it was the first 2 x 4 applied to the heart. Truth is I'm still an American who is blessed beyond what I deserve and I don't understand ... I really don't get it and I'm learning that to pretend like I can even truly relate is a complete insult. Being here and seeing it and even serving in the middle of it does not equate to living it. I will never know the feeling in that mother's heart as she tries to feed her children and thinks she hit the jackpot over two chicken nuggets. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
We left Campero's and went to the Suyapa which is this huge Catholic Cathedral that holds a tragic story for the culture of Honduras. I'll elaborate on that at some other point, basically the gest is that this priest said that he had gotten a vision from Mary to build this HUGE cathedral went to the Vatican and pitched his idea to get funding and they said, we don't really think you got a vision and we're not going to financially support this. So he came back to this impoverished country and convinced his people that he had seen a vision and compelled them to give millions of dollars to build this building. It is ornate and beautiful, and tragic because right across the road from this structure are houses that are falling down where gates are locked between the two worlds and those people are not invited or allowed in to pray even. I wonder, if in different ways we do the same sorts of things without realizing it? I thought about that yesterday alot. Maybe not in such visible ways...but I think we remove ourselves sometimes from the hurting places in the world as we walk inside those church doors. Ok enough about that, perhaps just food for thought.
Then from there, treat above all treats, we got to go to the blind school. (Kelsey I'm sorry to even have to write this without you being here with us.) For those of you who don't know, the blind school here is a home for children who are blind where they receive an education and also get to live in the quarters there. They have roughly 60 students or so, some who commute back and forth from home just to come for schooling and some who live there full time. It's always amazing how much clearer your sight becomes after being with these kiddos. We play in the courtyard with them for a while passing out toys and candy and just spending time with these children. Mark had this boy climbing all over him feeling his muscles and bringing his friends over to feel his arms. It was hilarious. Connie was definitely in her element as these were the types of children she had worked with earlier in life. The playing with the children is always sweet time but the magic happens when you walk inside and take a seat to listen to them sing. Oh my heaven hold our hearts...angels singing that's all I've got. They sit there with their little blind eyes swaying to the music and children harmonize in ways that leave glorybumps all over your arms and tears running down your cheeks. It is absolutely amazing and that falls far short of doing it justice. They begged us to sing Someday for them as they LOVE that song and so we did and we sang a few songs for them and ended with Lord Be There...halfway in the middle of the song Tim said listen and started the verse Lord Be There FOR THEM when they fall, Be there for them when they call, Be there for them dear Lord. I don't remember another time taking so incredibly seriously the words I was singing as if begging God for his provision on their behalf. Tears everywhere...Tim and Mark needed a "Timmy towel" for sure. It just is so touching there is no other response as you watch this. It just leaks out your eyeballs.
We then came home and had dinner and went to devo and on a very personal note I got to spend some time with my dear friend Terry after devo. I know you've heard me mention his name and most of you know he's Nate's dad. What you may not know is that I would lay down in the middle of the road for this man. He's one of those kind of people in my world. I came early actually praying for some time to spend with Margaret and Terry. I got to sit with Margaret on the bus ride and we got to just share some time and some heart which we don't have the privilege of doing very often anymore. It was precious to me. If Margaret and I don't cry together once during a visit, it's not complete. :):) Let's just say this visit has been complete! Anyway, Terry and I sat and talked for a while and I got an opportunity to as how he was feeling and if he was worried and we just got some really sweet moments together where I got to remind him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him and Margaret walked in as we were finishing up our chat and I said let's say a prayer together before we go to bed...so I got to pray with and for them tonight and of all the things I will end up most grateful for on this trip, that will be near the top of my list. My heart hurts for them and I've not sat beside anyone I've known and loved as they struggle through not knowing about what's going to happen with life. So needless to say it was rough on the heartstrings.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM!! THINGS ARE DIFFICULT AND IT'S HARD TO MAINTAIN HOPE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T RECOVERED FROM THE LAST TREATMENTS AND ARE FINDING MORE SPOTS. HE NEEDS AN ARMY OF PRAYER WHO WILL TRUST IN A MIGHTY GOD!!
Far less important but equally as precious to me, I need your prayers in these next several hours that I get to spend with them before their trip ends that my heart will be steadfast to do that which God has called me to. It's been a blessed day...sometimes even blessed days have really tough moments!
Today we are going to Didasko to see the new playground and play with the children. Poppa Grose, today I so wish you could be here with me. Please know that although it's not the same, I'll hug on Norma for you and that I appreciate the privilege far more because I know how much it means to you guys so I pray not to take one second of it for granted.
Connie's loving it and Mark's loving her getting to experience it!! It's been good!!
We love and miss you all!!
Day 1 Report
Well it's official, we're in Honduras and it didn't take long for our hearts to be touched...crushed...hmmm you never really can find the right word for that exactly.
We hopped in on the tail end of Terry's trip, so they're winding things down and so yesterday they began the day by going to the Valley of the Angels to look in their trade shops. Mark and Connie got to shop and get some goodies and we were able to make it to the guitar makers shop and listen to him play which was amazing...he is way good!!
From there we journeyed to Campero's which is a chicken place. Sort of like KFC in the states only better. We had lunch there. As we were finishing lunch Tim and Judy and Brett came walking in with this sweet family of a mother and three boys. (For those of you who were here with me in March, you'll remember me begging Tim to take me to see Eduardo and his family...the family we had painted the house for and that I had sat with this little guy all afternoon and sang with, who walked me to the end of the lane and hung on the side of the Rodeo telling me how much he would miss me...one of my favorite moments in Honduras kiddos.) It was his family and I got to see him during lunch. HG...happy girl!! Although some might have mistaken my joy because of the tears on my face. I don't know how to explain this except to say that sometimes you have isolated moments here where you connect with another soul so deeply and you give yourself away never knowing if you'll ever see them again and there's this ache in knowing that. Today when I kissed his little cheek, and remembered singing Jesus Loves Me with him and him being by my side for an entire day and his little hand in mine walking down that lane as I had to leave, it was a thank you God moment that I was able to see his face again. Perhaps the best part was in my limited Spanish I tried to ask and motion to him...do you remember when I came to paint your house and he said "si, si...Jennifer." He remembered my name. With a tidal wave from a touched heart I was reminded these aren't just ineffective one time short term moments for them either, they get etched on their little hearts and they remember. May we love like Jesus enough that it makes an indelible mark on these childrens souls.
I also got to speak with the mother of the boys there, she smiled and was so kind. After dinner and I had eaten my 7 nuggets and whole mess of papas fritas (french fries), I offered the two nuggets I had left over to the boys and they had just eaten and so were full and didn't want them. The mother stood there and with pleading, do you mind eyes, motioned as if to say do you mind if I take them. Two chicken nuggets and she wrapped them with great care up in a napkin and stuck them in this little doggie bag to take home for later and said thank you at least three times with a beaming smile. She held onto that little bag as if it held gold treasure. It's funny after you've been here a couple times how you feel as if you are more prepared for this. I was not prepared for that and it was the first 2 x 4 applied to the heart. Truth is I'm still an American who is blessed beyond what I deserve and I don't understand ... I really don't get it and I'm learning that to pretend like I can even truly relate is a complete insult. Being here and seeing it and even serving in the middle of it does not equate to living it. I will never know the feeling in that mother's heart as she tries to feed her children and thinks she hit the jackpot over two chicken nuggets. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
We left Campero's and went to the Suyapa which is this huge Catholic Cathedral that holds a tragic story for the culture of Honduras. I'll elaborate on that at some other point, basically the gest is that this priest said that he had gotten a vision from Mary to build this HUGE cathedral went to the Vatican and pitched his idea to get funding and they said, we don't really think you got a vision and we're not going to financially support this. So he came back to this impoverished country and convinced his people that he had seen a vision and compelled them to give millions of dollars to build this building. It is ornate and beautiful, and tragic because right across the road from this structure are houses that are falling down where gates are locked between the two worlds and those people are not invited or allowed in to pray even. I wonder, if in different ways we do the same sorts of things without realizing it? I thought about that yesterday alot. Maybe not in such visible ways...but I think we remove ourselves sometimes from the hurting places in the world as we walk inside those church doors. Ok enough about that, perhaps just food for thought.
Then from there, treat above all treats, we got to go to the blind school. (Kelsey I'm sorry to even have to write this without you being here with us.) For those of you who don't know, the blind school here is a home for children who are blind where they receive an education and also get to live in the quarters there. They have roughly 60 students or so, some who commute back and forth from home just to come for schooling and some who live there full time. It's always amazing how much clearer your sight becomes after being with these kiddos. We play in the courtyard with them for a while passing out toys and candy and just spending time with these children. Mark had this boy climbing all over him feeling his muscles and bringing his friends over to feel his arms. It was hilarious. Connie was definitely in her element as these were the types of children she had worked with earlier in life. The playing with the children is always sweet time but the magic happens when you walk inside and take a seat to listen to them sing. Oh my heaven hold our hearts...angels singing that's all I've got. They sit there with their little blind eyes swaying to the music and children harmonize in ways that leave glorybumps all over your arms and tears running down your cheeks. It is absolutely amazing and that falls far short of doing it justice. They begged us to sing Someday for them as they LOVE that song and so we did and we sang a few songs for them and ended with Lord Be There...halfway in the middle of the song Tim said listen and started the verse Lord Be There FOR THEM when they fall, Be there for them when they call, Be there for them dear Lord. I don't remember another time taking so incredibly seriously the words I was singing as if begging God for his provision on their behalf. Tears everywhere...Tim and Mark needed a "Timmy towel" for sure. It just is so touching there is no other response as you watch this. It just leaks out your eyeballs.
We then came home and had dinner and went to devo and on a very personal note I got to spend some time with my dear friend Terry after devo. I know you've heard me mention his name and most of you know he's Nate's dad. What you may not know is that I would lay down in the middle of the road for this man. He's one of those kind of people in my world. I came early actually praying for some time to spend with Margaret and Terry. I got to sit with Margaret on the bus ride and we got to just share some time and some heart which we don't have the privilege of doing very often anymore. It was precious to me. If Margaret and I don't cry together once during a visit, it's not complete. :):) Let's just say this visit has been complete! Anyway, Terry and I sat and talked for a while and I got an opportunity to as how he was feeling and if he was worried and we just got some really sweet moments together where I got to remind him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him and Margaret walked in as we were finishing up our chat and I said let's say a prayer together before we go to bed...so I got to pray with and for them tonight and of all the things I will end up most grateful for on this trip, that will be near the top of my list. My heart hurts for them and I've not sat beside anyone I've known and loved as they struggle through not knowing about what's going to happen with life. So needless to say it was rough on the heartstrings.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM!! THINGS ARE DIFFICULT AND IT'S HARD TO MAINTAIN HOPE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T RECOVERED FROM THE LAST TREATMENTS AND ARE FINDING MORE SPOTS. HE NEEDS AN ARMY OF PRAYER WHO WILL TRUST IN A MIGHTY GOD!!
Far less important but equally as precious to me, I need your prayers in these next several hours that I get to spend with them before their trip ends that my heart will be steadfast to do that which God has called me to. It's been a blessed day...sometimes even blessed days have really tough moments!
Today we are going to Didasko to see the new playground and play with the children. Poppa Grose, today I so wish you could be here with me. Please know that although it's not the same, I'll hug on Norma for you and that I appreciate the privilege far more because I know how much it means to you guys so I pray not to take one second of it for granted.
Connie's loving it and Mark's loving her getting to experience it!! It's been good!!
We love and miss you all!!
We hopped in on the tail end of Terry's trip, so they're winding things down and so yesterday they began the day by going to the Valley of the Angels to look in their trade shops. Mark and Connie got to shop and get some goodies and we were able to make it to the guitar makers shop and listen to him play which was amazing...he is way good!!
From there we journeyed to Campero's which is a chicken place. Sort of like KFC in the states only better. We had lunch there. As we were finishing lunch Tim and Judy and Brett came walking in with this sweet family of a mother and three boys. (For those of you who were here with me in March, you'll remember me begging Tim to take me to see Eduardo and his family...the family we had painted the house for and that I had sat with this little guy all afternoon and sang with, who walked me to the end of the lane and hung on the side of the Rodeo telling me how much he would miss me...one of my favorite moments in Honduras kiddos.) It was his family and I got to see him during lunch. HG...happy girl!! Although some might have mistaken my joy because of the tears on my face. I don't know how to explain this except to say that sometimes you have isolated moments here where you connect with another soul so deeply and you give yourself away never knowing if you'll ever see them again and there's this ache in knowing that. Today when I kissed his little cheek, and remembered singing Jesus Loves Me with him and him being by my side for an entire day and his little hand in mine walking down that lane as I had to leave, it was a thank you God moment that I was able to see his face again. Perhaps the best part was in my limited Spanish I tried to ask and motion to him...do you remember when I came to paint your house and he said "si, si...Jennifer." He remembered my name. With a tidal wave from a touched heart I was reminded these aren't just ineffective one time short term moments for them either, they get etched on their little hearts and they remember. May we love like Jesus enough that it makes an indelible mark on these childrens souls.
I also got to speak with the mother of the boys there, she smiled and was so kind. After dinner and I had eaten my 7 nuggets and whole mess of papas fritas (french fries), I offered the two nuggets I had left over to the boys and they had just eaten and so were full and didn't want them. The mother stood there and with pleading, do you mind eyes, motioned as if to say do you mind if I take them. Two chicken nuggets and she wrapped them with great care up in a napkin and stuck them in this little doggie bag to take home for later and said thank you at least three times with a beaming smile. She held onto that little bag as if it held gold treasure. It's funny after you've been here a couple times how you feel as if you are more prepared for this. I was not prepared for that and it was the first 2 x 4 applied to the heart. Truth is I'm still an American who is blessed beyond what I deserve and I don't understand ... I really don't get it and I'm learning that to pretend like I can even truly relate is a complete insult. Being here and seeing it and even serving in the middle of it does not equate to living it. I will never know the feeling in that mother's heart as she tries to feed her children and thinks she hit the jackpot over two chicken nuggets. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
We left Campero's and went to the Suyapa which is this huge Catholic Cathedral that holds a tragic story for the culture of Honduras. I'll elaborate on that at some other point, basically the gest is that this priest said that he had gotten a vision from Mary to build this HUGE cathedral went to the Vatican and pitched his idea to get funding and they said, we don't really think you got a vision and we're not going to financially support this. So he came back to this impoverished country and convinced his people that he had seen a vision and compelled them to give millions of dollars to build this building. It is ornate and beautiful, and tragic because right across the road from this structure are houses that are falling down where gates are locked between the two worlds and those people are not invited or allowed in to pray even. I wonder, if in different ways we do the same sorts of things without realizing it? I thought about that yesterday alot. Maybe not in such visible ways...but I think we remove ourselves sometimes from the hurting places in the world as we walk inside those church doors. Ok enough about that, perhaps just food for thought.
Then from there, treat above all treats, we got to go to the blind school. (Kelsey I'm sorry to even have to write this without you being here with us.) For those of you who don't know, the blind school here is a home for children who are blind where they receive an education and also get to live in the quarters there. They have roughly 60 students or so, some who commute back and forth from home just to come for schooling and some who live there full time. It's always amazing how much clearer your sight becomes after being with these kiddos. We play in the courtyard with them for a while passing out toys and candy and just spending time with these children. Mark had this boy climbing all over him feeling his muscles and bringing his friends over to feel his arms. It was hilarious. Connie was definitely in her element as these were the types of children she had worked with earlier in life. The playing with the children is always sweet time but the magic happens when you walk inside and take a seat to listen to them sing. Oh my heaven hold our hearts...angels singing that's all I've got. They sit there with their little blind eyes swaying to the music and children harmonize in ways that leave glorybumps all over your arms and tears running down your cheeks. It is absolutely amazing and that falls far short of doing it justice. They begged us to sing Someday for them as they LOVE that song and so we did and we sang a few songs for them and ended with Lord Be There...halfway in the middle of the song Tim said listen and started the verse Lord Be There FOR THEM when they fall, Be there for them when they call, Be there for them dear Lord. I don't remember another time taking so incredibly seriously the words I was singing as if begging God for his provision on their behalf. Tears everywhere...Tim and Mark needed a "Timmy towel" for sure. It just is so touching there is no other response as you watch this. It just leaks out your eyeballs.
We then came home and had dinner and went to devo and on a very personal note I got to spend some time with my dear friend Terry after devo. I know you've heard me mention his name and most of you know he's Nate's dad. What you may not know is that I would lay down in the middle of the road for this man. He's one of those kind of people in my world. I came early actually praying for some time to spend with Margaret and Terry. I got to sit with Margaret on the bus ride and we got to just share some time and some heart which we don't have the privilege of doing very often anymore. It was precious to me. If Margaret and I don't cry together once during a visit, it's not complete. :):) Let's just say this visit has been complete! Anyway, Terry and I sat and talked for a while and I got an opportunity to as how he was feeling and if he was worried and we just got some really sweet moments together where I got to remind him how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him and Margaret walked in as we were finishing up our chat and I said let's say a prayer together before we go to bed...so I got to pray with and for them tonight and of all the things I will end up most grateful for on this trip, that will be near the top of my list. My heart hurts for them and I've not sat beside anyone I've known and loved as they struggle through not knowing about what's going to happen with life. So needless to say it was rough on the heartstrings.
PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM!! THINGS ARE DIFFICULT AND IT'S HARD TO MAINTAIN HOPE WHEN YOU HAVEN'T RECOVERED FROM THE LAST TREATMENTS AND ARE FINDING MORE SPOTS. HE NEEDS AN ARMY OF PRAYER WHO WILL TRUST IN A MIGHTY GOD!!
Far less important but equally as precious to me, I need your prayers in these next several hours that I get to spend with them before their trip ends that my heart will be steadfast to do that which God has called me to. It's been a blessed day...sometimes even blessed days have really tough moments!
Today we are going to Didasko to see the new playground and play with the children. Poppa Grose, today I so wish you could be here with me. Please know that although it's not the same, I'll hug on Norma for you and that I appreciate the privilege far more because I know how much it means to you guys so I pray not to take one second of it for granted.
Connie's loving it and Mark's loving her getting to experience it!! It's been good!!
We love and miss you all!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Does It Get Any Better Than This???
I LOVE HONDURAS....have I mentioned that lately? Just got home from devo where we got to hear great singing and sweet where did you see Jesus stories. God is working mightily here as always and good things are happening. Have gotten to see so many people I love already today. Met up with Judy and Brett, dear friends of mine from Lipscomb that I don't get many opportunities to see anymore and got to spend some time with them which was good for the heart. Got to see Margaret, Terry, and Nate and hug their necks and they are just way near and dear to me, so that is always special time.
[Just as a sidenote here, and perhaps the most important part of this blog, I am petitioning all of your prayers...we desperately need an army of prayer to lift Terry to the Father's ears every hour of the day through the next few weeks. Margaret found some more spots on him yesterday, and so everyone is certainly concerned about all that means. He is a warrior for Jesus, so please help us beg God's blessings on this sweet man and his awesome family.]
Spent some time tonight talking with Timateo and Tim Hines about the blueprints for the childrens home and laying out how that will look. It has been decided that at the onset of this childrens home project we will only take children up through the age of 5. While we had originally thought it might be just a home for girls, now we are looking at the possibilities of it being for girls and boys as the needs arise and allowing God choose who needs to be there. Those decisions are still up in the air but much thought and prayer will happen this week to help us finalize some of those decisions. I can not begin to tell you how exciting it is to be a part of this. I am fall on my face humbled and grateful. Everything about it feels right. If I could just figure out a way to move you guys here, well then it would be next to perfect. Suppose that's why it can't happen because I would be tempted to think that was Heaven on earth. :)
Mark and Connie are having a great time. We're retiring early tonight because we haven't had any sleep since Monday night and off and on for a few minutes today on the plane.
Tomorrow's plans include the Valle of the Angeles, Suyapa, Blind School, and whatever else God has up his sleeve. It is good to be here. Thanks for your prayers and your love. We're serving for all of you who would love to be here doing this and we do not take a second of that for granted. Be blessed and be a blessing right where you are and may you be Jesus with all your might and an abundance of His grace!
[Just as a sidenote here, and perhaps the most important part of this blog, I am petitioning all of your prayers...we desperately need an army of prayer to lift Terry to the Father's ears every hour of the day through the next few weeks. Margaret found some more spots on him yesterday, and so everyone is certainly concerned about all that means. He is a warrior for Jesus, so please help us beg God's blessings on this sweet man and his awesome family.]
Spent some time tonight talking with Timateo and Tim Hines about the blueprints for the childrens home and laying out how that will look. It has been decided that at the onset of this childrens home project we will only take children up through the age of 5. While we had originally thought it might be just a home for girls, now we are looking at the possibilities of it being for girls and boys as the needs arise and allowing God choose who needs to be there. Those decisions are still up in the air but much thought and prayer will happen this week to help us finalize some of those decisions. I can not begin to tell you how exciting it is to be a part of this. I am fall on my face humbled and grateful. Everything about it feels right. If I could just figure out a way to move you guys here, well then it would be next to perfect. Suppose that's why it can't happen because I would be tempted to think that was Heaven on earth. :)
Mark and Connie are having a great time. We're retiring early tonight because we haven't had any sleep since Monday night and off and on for a few minutes today on the plane.
Tomorrow's plans include the Valle of the Angeles, Suyapa, Blind School, and whatever else God has up his sleeve. It is good to be here. Thanks for your prayers and your love. We're serving for all of you who would love to be here doing this and we do not take a second of that for granted. Be blessed and be a blessing right where you are and may you be Jesus with all your might and an abundance of His grace!
In Hondo Safe and Sound
Hey all....just a quick note to let you know we are in Honduras safe and sound. The flight went well, on time, and we've been running errands with Tim for the afternoon. We'll be staying at Tim and Gena's for a few nights until the interns get home and then will be staying the rest of the time at the Mission House.
It's going to be a great week or so, I can already tell. Walked off the plane today and Connie looked at me and said "Jen, I think this is already your home." To which I replied "uh huh I think so." It felt good to smell Honduran air. Something happens when my feet hit this soil and it just feels right all over.
Connie is just looking around at this point with her mouth gaping open soaking in the experience. It's fun to watch Mark and Connie share this. I pray huge blessings on this time for them.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Will write more soon. Love you all!!
It's going to be a great week or so, I can already tell. Walked off the plane today and Connie looked at me and said "Jen, I think this is already your home." To which I replied "uh huh I think so." It felt good to smell Honduran air. Something happens when my feet hit this soil and it just feels right all over.
Connie is just looking around at this point with her mouth gaping open soaking in the experience. It's fun to watch Mark and Connie share this. I pray huge blessings on this time for them.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Will write more soon. Love you all!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Moments Bottled Up
So here's my question...do you ever have those moments that you just want to bottle up? Like the ones where God's face seems so close that you're certain you could reach out and tangibly touch it. Our memories in the minds and hearts God gave us are so special, but unfortunately with time they fade and the details become sketchy and there are some of those God's love washing over you moments that if you could just capture the luster and keep it...now that would be good stuff!!
I had a moment like that Saturday at our monthly OASIS gals gathering. Like it was so sacred that you just wanted to still life it in a bottle somehow to take back out and relive over and over and over again. To record every word that was said and the emotion of the moment and that feeling of God's love washing over me. It was literally like I heard Him say through another's words, Jen I absolutely adore you...we are in this together and there won't be a second of your life that I will not delight in walking through with you. It was beautiful!!! I can't remember another time in life when I felt Him any nearer or heard Him any clearer, and I don't want to lose that feeling.
Wonder if that's how Noah felt when he and his family got to leave the ark...or how Abraham felt when he got to offer a ram instead of his son...or how David felt when he was able to shoot a stone and knock Goliath dead...or how Mary felt when she heard the angel speak about giving birth to the Messiah. I wonder if Paul would tell you he desperately wanted to bottle his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus.
Think it's a reminder to me that there's a reason that those are the moments we want to bottle up and keep. We were born to live in intimate relationship with the Father and in those moments when we truly experience face to face encounters, we don't want to let them go....whether we recognize it at the time or not, we desperately want to live there! Heaven becomes a little more precious after each of those encounters because we get just a taste of what His holy hands touching our human cheeks might feel like.
I wonder... if that's where our bottles worth of sacred memories is stored up and some sweet day we'll get to relive all the really cherished ones all over again! Now wouldn't that be SWEET!!
I had a moment like that Saturday at our monthly OASIS gals gathering. Like it was so sacred that you just wanted to still life it in a bottle somehow to take back out and relive over and over and over again. To record every word that was said and the emotion of the moment and that feeling of God's love washing over me. It was literally like I heard Him say through another's words, Jen I absolutely adore you...we are in this together and there won't be a second of your life that I will not delight in walking through with you. It was beautiful!!! I can't remember another time in life when I felt Him any nearer or heard Him any clearer, and I don't want to lose that feeling.
Wonder if that's how Noah felt when he and his family got to leave the ark...or how Abraham felt when he got to offer a ram instead of his son...or how David felt when he was able to shoot a stone and knock Goliath dead...or how Mary felt when she heard the angel speak about giving birth to the Messiah. I wonder if Paul would tell you he desperately wanted to bottle his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus.
Think it's a reminder to me that there's a reason that those are the moments we want to bottle up and keep. We were born to live in intimate relationship with the Father and in those moments when we truly experience face to face encounters, we don't want to let them go....whether we recognize it at the time or not, we desperately want to live there! Heaven becomes a little more precious after each of those encounters because we get just a taste of what His holy hands touching our human cheeks might feel like.
I wonder... if that's where our bottles worth of sacred memories is stored up and some sweet day we'll get to relive all the really cherished ones all over again! Now wouldn't that be SWEET!!
Saturday, July 16, 2005
53 Hours
In 53 hours from this moment, I will be leaving to head to the airport to journey once again to this country that has stolen my heart. I was trying to explain the feeling to someone the other day and the only phrase that kept coming to my mind was that it feels like "home for my soul." Not home as we conventionally think of it, because home has always represented a place where a bunch of people I love live. This is different, it's like settling down into this thing with God. Resting with Him. For now no more wanderings about what my life's purpose or passion is, my soul rests here where I believe with all of my heart God has led me. There's something really sweet about that.
Please keep us in your prayers. We'll depart Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12 am and our flight leaves at 6:18. I have to fly on a small plane, so for all of you who know me well please keep that in your prayers. :)
Please keep us in your prayers. We'll depart Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at 12 am and our flight leaves at 6:18. I have to fly on a small plane, so for all of you who know me well please keep that in your prayers. :)
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Just had to share
This was posted on Terry's picture page. This little girl's eyes are begging me to take her home with me. I see it. ;)5 DAYS my friends and I'll be there loving on kiddos again!
Will miss you guys this time around. Please pray that our hearts will be selfless and servant like and that God will use this time to teach us more about what it means to look and act like His Son.
Is she cute or WHAT??? But the sadness in those eyes....breaks my heart!
"To all those who mourn, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and praise instead of despair." Lord, may it be so!
Doing vs. Showing
I read a devotional this morning that made me think alot about what leading people to Christ means...maybe more specifically what "discipleship" means. Now I know that's not a word we use a whole lot in our fellowship, and I never really have figured out why, because God asked us to be disciples and make disciples, so it makes sense to me that we ought to be learning and teaching one another how to disciple but hey you know I do have some far out ideas at moments. :)
It began my philosophical thoughts for this day...about the idea of doing vs. showing. Of how we lead people to Christ and then help grow them up in Him. Not sure those are exactly the right words, but let me see if I can elaborate.
The devotional made me think about this moment in Honduras when we were building a house. It was towards the end of the day and we were racing to finish and had limited time before the sun went down. I had watched lots of other people on our team and so when it came time to chainsaw off the top posts or the sides, I always grabbed the saw and passed it to one of the guys and let them take care of that business. Well on this particular day, Timateo, this wonderfully kind, gentle, Honduran man who works with TORCH and has a heart from Heaven, looked at me and I handed him the chainsaw and he started it and handed it back to me with a big smile on his face. I thought he mistakenly thought I wanted to cut with the chainsaw and there was this overwhelming desire to use the chainsaw, and there absolutely was no desire. I was perfectly content with him taking care of that part, but I learned something through that. He stood beside me, showed me where I was to stand, and with motions because he speaks Spanish (and well I don't yet) showed me how I was to cut these boards. Then he allowed me to make the cut. Now what would have taken him 3 minutes took more like 15 or 20 (and did I mention we were in a hurry), and the cuts that he could have made look well crafted, well they didn't so much. That wasn't the point. He realized something that I didn't that day. You give people a gift when you show someone how and allow them to invest themselves in the project.
Ok jump with me now and I will try to make this thought clear. I think the same theory is true with our walk with Christ. I am afraid we sort of do the same thing with Jesus. It's like we've got our house to build...or in this case our soul to save. We've got a plan. Just like the house going up, you put up the posts first, and then one wall, another wall, etc. Everyone must do it exactly the same way. So we bring people inside the church door (and pretend as though that's the only place they may or may not see Jesus), incidentally I've learned far more about loving Jesus passionately by watching people outside the church walls than I ever have inside them. We teach them exactly how to think, even on preferential issues, and we make thoughtless carbon copies at moments who run into crisis when they need a faith of their own and don't have one because they've borrowed someone else's. We've "done it for them" so to speak and when they need spiritual maturity to handle difficult times, we've done little to nothing to help "show them" the way or help grow them up in Him. I'm not sure but when I'm honest with myself and I think about how I handle these situations, I wonder if it's not that we're scared to death to show them how to walk like Jesus because we're not sure we know ourselves, and are scared to death of what they might see if they watched too closely.
We're living in a time when that cannot be so. I say this as much to myself as anyone else. I haven't learned much from people doing things for me. Not much at all. But I can't tell you the lessons I've learned from watching people look like Jesus. See the term "disciple" literally means a follower of Jesus. It means you walk like He walked. You talk like He talked. You study Him, you make yourself resemble Him as much as possible in human flesh. You are covered in his dust because you are following so closely behind Him. Humbling isn't it. My life ought to be able to show people how you construct a life that is full of integrity, passion, purpose, and most of all intimacy with the One who loves my soul. And so very personally here I hit my knees for the ways I have been so quick to offer the "what to do's" and not been willing to do what it takes to show them how to live in love with Him.
It's the difference between holding the tool and showing and allowing someone else to use it for themselves. I learned how to run a chainsaw that day because I put my own hands on the saw. I learn how to love Jesus because I put my own heart on the altar. Not the platitudes, not the opinions of others, not the list...my heart, nothing more, nothing less. You disciple people I'm convinced by leading them to Jesus and to the book that shows us how He chose to live His life. If you want a pattern that's it. Then you walk beside them through learning how to do it. You don't do it for them. You do it with them.
I'm wondering what might happen if we stopped living like we cared what people saw if they watched closely. I have a dear friend who has gained wisdom from experiences with Christ that I've not had time or opportunity to have yet. Of all the gifts I've received on this earth, I don't know that there has been a more precious gift to my heart than the fact that she allows me to live near enough her heart that I get to watch her life. Not just the public what she does in front of people life, but the way she chooses to live with her family and her friends in the quiet moments, and probably at times when she doesn't know a soul is watching. I literally come home after time spent with her sometimes and take notes on what I learn from her life because I don't ever want to forget. I ask for advice at moments and she won't offer. She asks questions to help me come to conclusions within my own heart. What could take her 10 minutes to explain she allows me to process through for 2 hours sometimes 2 weeks. Always, always, always you'll hear her say well I think Jesus would have....or have you been in the Word, cause that's where I realign who I am and who He is. It's been a tremendous gift. She has learned something about showing someone how to create a faith in Christ rooted deep and a life full of the things that matter.
I guess I just want to live a life that shows it. A life that nurtures other souls. A life that allows people to live near and encourages them to run towards Jesus. I wanna be sure enough of Jesus that I trust Him with their hearts and leave my words out of it. I wanna be a show-er and not push my own agenda or my own creeds. I'm convinced if I'm living a sold out life for Jesus, I won't have to say much, my life will speak for itself. How foolish we will be if we continue to offer only what we can give or do, when His nail scarred hands offer the impossible.
Well now, guess that was the soapbox for this day. Help us Lord to hold the chainsaw in our own hands, better yet know You in our own hearts, deeply and intimately.
Blessings in abundance!
It began my philosophical thoughts for this day...about the idea of doing vs. showing. Of how we lead people to Christ and then help grow them up in Him. Not sure those are exactly the right words, but let me see if I can elaborate.
The devotional made me think about this moment in Honduras when we were building a house. It was towards the end of the day and we were racing to finish and had limited time before the sun went down. I had watched lots of other people on our team and so when it came time to chainsaw off the top posts or the sides, I always grabbed the saw and passed it to one of the guys and let them take care of that business. Well on this particular day, Timateo, this wonderfully kind, gentle, Honduran man who works with TORCH and has a heart from Heaven, looked at me and I handed him the chainsaw and he started it and handed it back to me with a big smile on his face. I thought he mistakenly thought I wanted to cut with the chainsaw and there was this overwhelming desire to use the chainsaw, and there absolutely was no desire. I was perfectly content with him taking care of that part, but I learned something through that. He stood beside me, showed me where I was to stand, and with motions because he speaks Spanish (and well I don't yet) showed me how I was to cut these boards. Then he allowed me to make the cut. Now what would have taken him 3 minutes took more like 15 or 20 (and did I mention we were in a hurry), and the cuts that he could have made look well crafted, well they didn't so much. That wasn't the point. He realized something that I didn't that day. You give people a gift when you show someone how and allow them to invest themselves in the project.
Ok jump with me now and I will try to make this thought clear. I think the same theory is true with our walk with Christ. I am afraid we sort of do the same thing with Jesus. It's like we've got our house to build...or in this case our soul to save. We've got a plan. Just like the house going up, you put up the posts first, and then one wall, another wall, etc. Everyone must do it exactly the same way. So we bring people inside the church door (and pretend as though that's the only place they may or may not see Jesus), incidentally I've learned far more about loving Jesus passionately by watching people outside the church walls than I ever have inside them. We teach them exactly how to think, even on preferential issues, and we make thoughtless carbon copies at moments who run into crisis when they need a faith of their own and don't have one because they've borrowed someone else's. We've "done it for them" so to speak and when they need spiritual maturity to handle difficult times, we've done little to nothing to help "show them" the way or help grow them up in Him. I'm not sure but when I'm honest with myself and I think about how I handle these situations, I wonder if it's not that we're scared to death to show them how to walk like Jesus because we're not sure we know ourselves, and are scared to death of what they might see if they watched too closely.
We're living in a time when that cannot be so. I say this as much to myself as anyone else. I haven't learned much from people doing things for me. Not much at all. But I can't tell you the lessons I've learned from watching people look like Jesus. See the term "disciple" literally means a follower of Jesus. It means you walk like He walked. You talk like He talked. You study Him, you make yourself resemble Him as much as possible in human flesh. You are covered in his dust because you are following so closely behind Him. Humbling isn't it. My life ought to be able to show people how you construct a life that is full of integrity, passion, purpose, and most of all intimacy with the One who loves my soul. And so very personally here I hit my knees for the ways I have been so quick to offer the "what to do's" and not been willing to do what it takes to show them how to live in love with Him.
It's the difference between holding the tool and showing and allowing someone else to use it for themselves. I learned how to run a chainsaw that day because I put my own hands on the saw. I learn how to love Jesus because I put my own heart on the altar. Not the platitudes, not the opinions of others, not the list...my heart, nothing more, nothing less. You disciple people I'm convinced by leading them to Jesus and to the book that shows us how He chose to live His life. If you want a pattern that's it. Then you walk beside them through learning how to do it. You don't do it for them. You do it with them.
I'm wondering what might happen if we stopped living like we cared what people saw if they watched closely. I have a dear friend who has gained wisdom from experiences with Christ that I've not had time or opportunity to have yet. Of all the gifts I've received on this earth, I don't know that there has been a more precious gift to my heart than the fact that she allows me to live near enough her heart that I get to watch her life. Not just the public what she does in front of people life, but the way she chooses to live with her family and her friends in the quiet moments, and probably at times when she doesn't know a soul is watching. I literally come home after time spent with her sometimes and take notes on what I learn from her life because I don't ever want to forget. I ask for advice at moments and she won't offer. She asks questions to help me come to conclusions within my own heart. What could take her 10 minutes to explain she allows me to process through for 2 hours sometimes 2 weeks. Always, always, always you'll hear her say well I think Jesus would have....or have you been in the Word, cause that's where I realign who I am and who He is. It's been a tremendous gift. She has learned something about showing someone how to create a faith in Christ rooted deep and a life full of the things that matter.
I guess I just want to live a life that shows it. A life that nurtures other souls. A life that allows people to live near and encourages them to run towards Jesus. I wanna be sure enough of Jesus that I trust Him with their hearts and leave my words out of it. I wanna be a show-er and not push my own agenda or my own creeds. I'm convinced if I'm living a sold out life for Jesus, I won't have to say much, my life will speak for itself. How foolish we will be if we continue to offer only what we can give or do, when His nail scarred hands offer the impossible.
Well now, guess that was the soapbox for this day. Help us Lord to hold the chainsaw in our own hands, better yet know You in our own hearts, deeply and intimately.
Blessings in abundance!
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
"Following Love"
It's funny how life works isn't it. How one single experience can teach you so many things and spur insight that wouldn't have come any other way. This stepping out of the boat time is sort of like that. It's refining, it's challenging, it's thought provoking, it's clarifying. It's joy and sorrow living in exactly the same moment about exactly the same circumstance. It's realizing that following God doesn't always feel light and easy and we do a disservice to others when we present it as such. Taking up a cross has never been an easy concept and when I get the opportunity to share with someone what that means from now on it will come from a different perspective, a different place. Following Jesus is going to be HARD some days. It's going to go against everything that is natural because it involves being selfless and we have no idea how to do that, selfless doesn't come naturally. You have to work against yourself. It's true that we most often are our own worst enemy. But here's the better part of what I will also know to share from now on. There will be moments in the clenched fists and gritted teeth of walking it out that will absolutely blow your heart away, because they come so unexpectedly and sweep you off your feet. I think it happens because somewhere within your soul you know that you are following love. Not some mystical now it's here and tomorrow it may not be sort of love, but a love that compels you to take up a cross regardless of what's involved because you want to follow this perfect representation of pure true Love wherever He may lead. This knowing deep within your soul that following Him is the most right thing you've ever done. Not by your own merit, by huge buckets of His undeserved favor and grace.
I share with you today the lyrics to a song I hadn't listened to for over a year probably but that I heard the other day with different ears. It represents so much of what my heart feels. May we always follow Love wherever and whatever that may come to mean for each of us.
Follow Love
by Ffh
album: Ready to Fly
I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories
I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends
The rainy days and summer nights
Skipping stones by the river side
But i know.. its time to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I've got a heart thats full of dreams
and a little bit of crazy
I can feel it pulling me to somewhere i have never been
I'm packing up and leaving home
To travel into the great unknown
Its time, i have to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
Were not guarranted tomorrow
So we must just keep on living for today
and make the most of every moment
every step along the way...oh
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I must go, go and follow Love
I share with you today the lyrics to a song I hadn't listened to for over a year probably but that I heard the other day with different ears. It represents so much of what my heart feels. May we always follow Love wherever and whatever that may come to mean for each of us.
Follow Love
by Ffh
album: Ready to Fly
I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories
I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends
The rainy days and summer nights
Skipping stones by the river side
But i know.. its time to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I've got a heart thats full of dreams
and a little bit of crazy
I can feel it pulling me to somewhere i have never been
I'm packing up and leaving home
To travel into the great unknown
Its time, i have to go
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
Were not guarranted tomorrow
So we must just keep on living for today
and make the most of every moment
every step along the way...oh
So heres goodbye heres so long
I must go and follow Love
I feel my heart moving on
I must go and follow Love
Carry on while I'm gone
This is what i've been dreaming of
I miss you so
But i must go, go and follow Love
I must go, go and follow Love
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
His Body
I'm feeling this sort of relief this morning as though God thought it time to help me put a name to this heaviness I have been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I am a processor and so I always want to know what that crummy feeling is and why it is there and sometimes in an effort to figure that out I drive myself absolutely nuts. Anyone been there? It's like you can't deal with it until you name it. So I'm naming it today.
I'm gonna miss being the body with these folks. There it is in it's simplest form. I've stated it in lots of ways that just didn't seem to do justice. This encapsulates it well I think.
Here's the crux of the heart of it. For the last 5 years I have caught a holy glimpse into something that sometimes becomes incredibly mundane as a part of our "Christianese", and today I'm realizing what a terrific gift it has been. I've seen what it means to be a part of the body. Now let me confess that I get as frustrated as anyone about the ways we play church sometimes and I've voiced lots of my frustrations (not necessarily a statement I'm proud to make). I've at times been cynical and pessimistic. Leaving this place in 105 days has put some things into perspective though I must say. Because as I'm looking at the past 5 years and reflecting on some things, these are the things that are coming to mind.
We've laughed together. We've cried together. We have served others together. We've stood beside one another looking at hurting impoverished children and wept together. We've been undone together (Sherman). We've sat around a bible study circle with 9 other women weekly for the past two years and we've been vulnerable and real with one another. We've showed up when a need was there. We've taken our eyes off of ourselves to see the pain of another and attempt to be Jesus' hands and feet in response to it. We've walked together through struggles that were DIFFICULT at best. We've confessed and we've repented in the presence of one another. I just went forward a couple months ago to ask for prayers about this going to Honduras stuff and the strength to walk this out and was within seconds surrounded by people who loved me who sat with me and cried with me up there on what is often a lonely front pew. We've spent time doing life together. I've been mentored and encouraged by godly older women. We've had conversations that were way deep over cups of tea that will forever be etched in my mind because wisdom from Heaven was shared. We have prayed real prayers together that come from the depths of our hearts and we've rejoiced in tears as some of them came true, as if the prayers had become ours and not yours or theirs. The prayers that have answers we continue to wait upon we've banded together in armies of prayer and continue to battle together from our knees. We've worshipped in corporate worship together and we've worshipped together while riding in our cars or in our homes. We've sought God's face together and are so much richer because of it. And that's just the beginning of the list.
We've done life together. Not the Sunday come in and look good (while we all still have moments of doing that) but God in His grace and mercy has granted us the opportunity to have something deeper than Sunday morning fellowship. I think partly due to the fact that I am young and single I've been invited into people's homes often for meals and "family" time. It's given me such neat opportunities to do life with so many folks. I treasure the loving God in the middle of doing life times more than any others.
I know that the body of Christ exists all over this world and in a few years I pray I'll be telling you the same things about folks in Honduras that I am able to "do life" with, and I pray that there will be other seeking hurting souls who come in looking for a home that you wrap your arms and your hearts around so that they may come to know and love Christ and get the privilege and honor of doing life with this body. For right now though I'm gonna miss doing life and being the body with you guys. Thank you for your arms and your feet and your hearts and your hands and your minds and all that you've offered in His name to my life. Maybe even more touching than those things you've added to my life however, has been the joy I have been able to experience as I've watched you give those things away to others. I stand in tears and beam with pride sometimes at the way you give yourselves away and compel me to do better at doing the same. Your hearts are beautiful and they've touched me in ways you may never ever know. It has been an absolute privilege to begin to learn what it really truly means to be the body of Christ in this world with you. I pray we never ever forget the beauty there is in that alone.
You're precious. I love ya!
Thank you Lord for allowing us to become a part of this family, Your Body, and thank you that though we mess some things up, there are precious moments when we realize that there have been some things You've helped us get right. Thank you for the gift of getting to learn how to be Your body with some really precious people. May we always take what we've learned together and apply it in this world wherever You need us to be. We love you beyond our ability to say so! Amen
I'm gonna miss being the body with these folks. There it is in it's simplest form. I've stated it in lots of ways that just didn't seem to do justice. This encapsulates it well I think.
Here's the crux of the heart of it. For the last 5 years I have caught a holy glimpse into something that sometimes becomes incredibly mundane as a part of our "Christianese", and today I'm realizing what a terrific gift it has been. I've seen what it means to be a part of the body. Now let me confess that I get as frustrated as anyone about the ways we play church sometimes and I've voiced lots of my frustrations (not necessarily a statement I'm proud to make). I've at times been cynical and pessimistic. Leaving this place in 105 days has put some things into perspective though I must say. Because as I'm looking at the past 5 years and reflecting on some things, these are the things that are coming to mind.
We've laughed together. We've cried together. We have served others together. We've stood beside one another looking at hurting impoverished children and wept together. We've been undone together (Sherman). We've sat around a bible study circle with 9 other women weekly for the past two years and we've been vulnerable and real with one another. We've showed up when a need was there. We've taken our eyes off of ourselves to see the pain of another and attempt to be Jesus' hands and feet in response to it. We've walked together through struggles that were DIFFICULT at best. We've confessed and we've repented in the presence of one another. I just went forward a couple months ago to ask for prayers about this going to Honduras stuff and the strength to walk this out and was within seconds surrounded by people who loved me who sat with me and cried with me up there on what is often a lonely front pew. We've spent time doing life together. I've been mentored and encouraged by godly older women. We've had conversations that were way deep over cups of tea that will forever be etched in my mind because wisdom from Heaven was shared. We have prayed real prayers together that come from the depths of our hearts and we've rejoiced in tears as some of them came true, as if the prayers had become ours and not yours or theirs. The prayers that have answers we continue to wait upon we've banded together in armies of prayer and continue to battle together from our knees. We've worshipped in corporate worship together and we've worshipped together while riding in our cars or in our homes. We've sought God's face together and are so much richer because of it. And that's just the beginning of the list.
We've done life together. Not the Sunday come in and look good (while we all still have moments of doing that) but God in His grace and mercy has granted us the opportunity to have something deeper than Sunday morning fellowship. I think partly due to the fact that I am young and single I've been invited into people's homes often for meals and "family" time. It's given me such neat opportunities to do life with so many folks. I treasure the loving God in the middle of doing life times more than any others.
I know that the body of Christ exists all over this world and in a few years I pray I'll be telling you the same things about folks in Honduras that I am able to "do life" with, and I pray that there will be other seeking hurting souls who come in looking for a home that you wrap your arms and your hearts around so that they may come to know and love Christ and get the privilege and honor of doing life with this body. For right now though I'm gonna miss doing life and being the body with you guys. Thank you for your arms and your feet and your hearts and your hands and your minds and all that you've offered in His name to my life. Maybe even more touching than those things you've added to my life however, has been the joy I have been able to experience as I've watched you give those things away to others. I stand in tears and beam with pride sometimes at the way you give yourselves away and compel me to do better at doing the same. Your hearts are beautiful and they've touched me in ways you may never ever know. It has been an absolute privilege to begin to learn what it really truly means to be the body of Christ in this world with you. I pray we never ever forget the beauty there is in that alone.
You're precious. I love ya!
Thank you Lord for allowing us to become a part of this family, Your Body, and thank you that though we mess some things up, there are precious moments when we realize that there have been some things You've helped us get right. Thank you for the gift of getting to learn how to be Your body with some really precious people. May we always take what we've learned together and apply it in this world wherever You need us to be. We love you beyond our ability to say so! Amen
Friday, July 08, 2005
When God Asks
My friend Donna gave me a book a couple years ago for Christmas that I love. On each page it starts out with When God Asks...then poses a question to ponder. So we're gonna go for a little more interactive blog today instead of you reading my ramblings let me read some of yours. You can leave me comments by clicking on the comment link at the bottom of this post and typing something in and clicking anonymous if you don't have a blogger username and password (just make sure to put your name somewhere in your comment if you want me to know who you are).
Here goes...
When God asks, Do you allow your head to deprive your heart, what will you say?
Ponder away, I think it's in our quiet moments of letting God speak that we learn most. I pray this is one of those as many of these have been for me.
Here goes...
When God asks, Do you allow your head to deprive your heart, what will you say?
Ponder away, I think it's in our quiet moments of letting God speak that we learn most. I pray this is one of those as many of these have been for me.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Terry's trip
Hey gang...just wanted to let you all know that you should check out Terry's trip blog. It has all kinds of pictures and details about all that's being done there and it's wonderful. Check it out at http://childrenoftheking.blogspot.com
Can't go into too much of this without being a weepy mess but Terry is some kind of special. The short version of this God story is that hundreds upon hundreds of people have been influenced by his love for God and his love for Honduras. He was one of the original founders of TORCH and has been going for the past 10+ years, and now several times each year. He was so much of the reason that I ever chose to go and I owe him a lot for the way He made God and the treasures of this place recognizable to me.
Now while Terry would never let this define him (and precisely the reason I think of him each time I hear the word giant) he's involved in a vicious battle with cancer presently. I remember over a year ago getting word from Margaret that Terry was going to have to have a biopsy for a spot on his back. We all began to pray then that God woud heal Terry and that this all would go away. The results came back and it was mellanoma and a very aggressive form of mellanoma but it hadn't gotten into his lymph nodes or some other very good signs. The doctor's didn't give a real promising diagnosis however and the percentages looked pretty grim. Terry fought and we prayed and he continued to work on fire for the Lord and go a mile a minute as he does and the doctors were amazed at how well he came through all of that. When he went for his checkup though a few months ago they found a few spots on his belly and it had gotten into his lymph nodes and so he had a spot removed and talked with his doctor and said "look, I'll do whatever you need me to do that will best help in this situation but I have a trip coming up for the month of July where I'm taking about 200 people to Honduras and if I could wait until after that for the rest of the procedures I'd sure like to." So the specialist told him that waiting until after Honduras wasn't going to change anything or put him at risk and so right now my friend Terry is leading a trip in Honduras, I have no doubt being loving and inspiring, doing what his heart most loves, while his body is fighting off a nasty disease.
I love this guy, and I write all this today to share with you his blog and the cool things that are going on in Honduras and I suppose to tell you about another one of my favorite people in the world, but beyond any of that, I am begging that you will become another one in this army of prayer on behalf of Terry and his family. God is faithful and we trust Him to work all of this to His good, it's just that in this human heart I want to get to walk with him for a while through some of the dreams God has for all of us.
Terry--thanks buddy for what you've done for so many of us when you knew we were watching and when you had no idea. Your example and your genuine love for Jesus has been a huge influence in my life and the lives of so many others. I love you truly and deeply!
Can't go into too much of this without being a weepy mess but Terry is some kind of special. The short version of this God story is that hundreds upon hundreds of people have been influenced by his love for God and his love for Honduras. He was one of the original founders of TORCH and has been going for the past 10+ years, and now several times each year. He was so much of the reason that I ever chose to go and I owe him a lot for the way He made God and the treasures of this place recognizable to me.
Now while Terry would never let this define him (and precisely the reason I think of him each time I hear the word giant) he's involved in a vicious battle with cancer presently. I remember over a year ago getting word from Margaret that Terry was going to have to have a biopsy for a spot on his back. We all began to pray then that God woud heal Terry and that this all would go away. The results came back and it was mellanoma and a very aggressive form of mellanoma but it hadn't gotten into his lymph nodes or some other very good signs. The doctor's didn't give a real promising diagnosis however and the percentages looked pretty grim. Terry fought and we prayed and he continued to work on fire for the Lord and go a mile a minute as he does and the doctors were amazed at how well he came through all of that. When he went for his checkup though a few months ago they found a few spots on his belly and it had gotten into his lymph nodes and so he had a spot removed and talked with his doctor and said "look, I'll do whatever you need me to do that will best help in this situation but I have a trip coming up for the month of July where I'm taking about 200 people to Honduras and if I could wait until after that for the rest of the procedures I'd sure like to." So the specialist told him that waiting until after Honduras wasn't going to change anything or put him at risk and so right now my friend Terry is leading a trip in Honduras, I have no doubt being loving and inspiring, doing what his heart most loves, while his body is fighting off a nasty disease.
I love this guy, and I write all this today to share with you his blog and the cool things that are going on in Honduras and I suppose to tell you about another one of my favorite people in the world, but beyond any of that, I am begging that you will become another one in this army of prayer on behalf of Terry and his family. God is faithful and we trust Him to work all of this to His good, it's just that in this human heart I want to get to walk with him for a while through some of the dreams God has for all of us.
Terry--thanks buddy for what you've done for so many of us when you knew we were watching and when you had no idea. Your example and your genuine love for Jesus has been a huge influence in my life and the lives of so many others. I love you truly and deeply!
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Yep Still Human
Life is good and God is faithful and yet one thing remains the same....I'm still human. I spent some time with some of my favorite people last night that my heart absolutely adores and I was neither kind nor gentle. I was not honoring or encouraging. As a matter of fact I was a poop. Somewhere along the way I learned that being a smartalleck, sarcastic, and being punky were defense mechanisms to avoid all the other emotion that's going on in your heart and so when my heart feels full of "stuff" and I'm not quite sure how to process all of it, or when my heart hurts and I don't want to deal with it, or who knows when else, I default there.
I hate those times. HATE THEM!!! I'm a firstborn and so there's a part of me that wants perfection. I want to be a perfect friend, I want to be a perfect daughter, I want to be a perfect...well I just want to be perfect in the ways I deem important. The only thing that gets in the way of that is that I live in this human body and operate out of a human heart. It never yields perfect. There are moments of good, no doubt. There are also moments of horrible. I can't seem to get rid of those imperfect moments no matter how hard I try.
Which gives me two options I suppose...1) I beat the tar out of myself for not being perfect (which I happen to be VERY good at) and guilt myself senseless thinking about what I should be and how I should act and how lousy I am that I continue to screw up and well I'm sure you very well know this option. We're good at condemnation. The great news is though that I'm learning I have another choice 2) I apologize to those people who witnessed the effect of my default, I pray my gutts out for God's Spirit to come and take over and make me more kind and gentle and full of His love and operate more out of His heart instead of my own and then I throw myself under a cross and let His blood cover my humanness and remind myself that I am being sanctified even as we speak, but that one thing about me is perfect right now...my being made righteous has been covered and I stand before God lovely because of the blood of His Son.
So today I wake up and I'm still human and as much as I'd like to bring Him a more excellent sacrifice I bring all that I am and trust Him to make something more of it than I know how to.
Thank you Lord that you continue to love and work in us regardless of our junk. Help me to realize that my being human only gives me greater opportunity to worship Your holiness. Help me to choose to.
I hate those times. HATE THEM!!! I'm a firstborn and so there's a part of me that wants perfection. I want to be a perfect friend, I want to be a perfect daughter, I want to be a perfect...well I just want to be perfect in the ways I deem important. The only thing that gets in the way of that is that I live in this human body and operate out of a human heart. It never yields perfect. There are moments of good, no doubt. There are also moments of horrible. I can't seem to get rid of those imperfect moments no matter how hard I try.
Which gives me two options I suppose...1) I beat the tar out of myself for not being perfect (which I happen to be VERY good at) and guilt myself senseless thinking about what I should be and how I should act and how lousy I am that I continue to screw up and well I'm sure you very well know this option. We're good at condemnation. The great news is though that I'm learning I have another choice 2) I apologize to those people who witnessed the effect of my default, I pray my gutts out for God's Spirit to come and take over and make me more kind and gentle and full of His love and operate more out of His heart instead of my own and then I throw myself under a cross and let His blood cover my humanness and remind myself that I am being sanctified even as we speak, but that one thing about me is perfect right now...my being made righteous has been covered and I stand before God lovely because of the blood of His Son.
So today I wake up and I'm still human and as much as I'd like to bring Him a more excellent sacrifice I bring all that I am and trust Him to make something more of it than I know how to.
Thank you Lord that you continue to love and work in us regardless of our junk. Help me to realize that my being human only gives me greater opportunity to worship Your holiness. Help me to choose to.
Friday, July 01, 2005
His Glory
Am working through a Beth Moore workbook right now entitled Breaking Free. I highly recommend it but sssshhhh don't tell my bible study girls because I gave them such a hard time about not wanting to do this really intense study. It's sort of like having your soul exposed in front of everyone. So in my ocd kind of way I decided I was going to work through the book before I went through it with all of them to see what I was in for. That was completely God allowing me the opportunity to do it more than once. It is amazing and the beauty of it is that regardless of whether you share much of it with anyone else or not, you stand exposed before God which is an absolutely beautiful experience. The subtitle of the book is "Making Liberty in Christ a Reality in Life." That speaks to me cause I want the whole deal. I don't want bits and pieces of the life He's planned and I don't want to walk half shackled through the rest of it. I want Him to take those shackles off my feet so I can dance. (Ok so maybe the dancing might have to wait until Heaven with my feet but I want my soul to dance)
Anyway, I say all that to share this snippet with you from the lesson I did today. She was talking about one of our benefits of the Christian life is to glorify God. Now while that has always sounded really nice and has become a part of our "Christianese" I never had really sat down to pick apart the term "glory." Here's what I learned today based on scripture references all over the place. God's glory is the way He chooses to make Himself recognizable to the world. Then in Isaiah it says those who were called by name were created for His glory.
I, Jennifer Lynn Wright, was created to make Him recognizable to the world. Wow that pierced my heart today. For the rest of my life, my job description, the one thing He created me to do was to make Him recognizable to the world. So whatever I eat or whatever I drink or whatever I do I shall do my best to do it all for the glory of God. It just increases the importance of everything.
I'm learning, thank you God that you continue to teach us. May we each take to heart our privilege in making you known to this world. That you would choose to risk your name on this life is a humbling, tear jerking, terrific honor. I love you so much!
Anyway, I say all that to share this snippet with you from the lesson I did today. She was talking about one of our benefits of the Christian life is to glorify God. Now while that has always sounded really nice and has become a part of our "Christianese" I never had really sat down to pick apart the term "glory." Here's what I learned today based on scripture references all over the place. God's glory is the way He chooses to make Himself recognizable to the world. Then in Isaiah it says those who were called by name were created for His glory.
I, Jennifer Lynn Wright, was created to make Him recognizable to the world. Wow that pierced my heart today. For the rest of my life, my job description, the one thing He created me to do was to make Him recognizable to the world. So whatever I eat or whatever I drink or whatever I do I shall do my best to do it all for the glory of God. It just increases the importance of everything.
I'm learning, thank you God that you continue to teach us. May we each take to heart our privilege in making you known to this world. That you would choose to risk your name on this life is a humbling, tear jerking, terrific honor. I love you so much!
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