I have learned some of the coolest lessons from people God has placed in my life and He continues to amaze me that He never stops providing those people who will teach me some of life's most precious lessons. Feel like I've had an abundance of them lately and that God is orchestrating this beautiful collage of memories to tuck away in my heart which will hold me up when I need to be held. I am a people person for sure and over the past few years I have had the opportunity to form some precious relationships that go way deep. It's tough when you get down to 9 days until you leave this spot where your heart has certainly made itself at home to figure out how you will spend time with each of them and allow your words and your time to speak of how much you value them.
See it's funny because "I had a plan." Even the fly by the seat of my pants girl sees a need for a plan now and then. I had seriously set aside time on my calendar and tried to chunk off time for those I love as much as possible. Then earlier this week some things happened that we had no control over and a couple of the people I had blocked off time for were unable to work that in during their "time slot." So instead of where it belonged on "my" calendarand in "my" plans, I sat beside a hospital bed with a guy I have come to adore and held his hand while he was in horrendous pain and we talked about how sorry we were that we took some things for granted, how relationships really were all that mattered and when you get to the end of life all that you had, how badly we needed permission to not be perfect and with tears running down my cheeks and one of the sweetest conversations I've ever had, God took my calendar flipped it all around and absolutely blew me away. Sat in that same hospital room and watched his sweet wife help him shave his face and speak words of love to him to help him get through this DIFFICULT time and I saw this love that is a living testimony to all who know them and get to see it up close. I saw things in this moment, that none of us wished for and all of us would wish away, that I wouldn't have seen otherwise. My plans, my calendar...gone...for one that's far better.
Today I had a to do list a mile long. I did. I had things that felt pressing and guess what happened. Most of them didn't get done. You know what did happen. I got back to my house this morning after spending time being a hostess to this sweet little 80 year old man who loves Jesus so visibly and abundantly it took my breath away. I had just come home and one of my dearest friends called and said they were going to Burger King for lunch. I had sat down here at home intending to get busy and get so much of this stuff done and I heard God say Jen relationships are so important. Your calendar and plans are mine. Trust me with your calendar. So went to lunch and had some precious time with a couple friends I wouldn't have gotten had God not been so kind.
Then walked into the christian bookstore because I needed to pick up a gift and ran into one of my favorite people on the face of the earth that I seldom get to spend chunks of time with. We get snippets and lots of emails and we love those, but it seems like that's all life affords at the moment in this friendship. So we stood in the bookstore and talked for an hour probably just about life and all that's going on in our hearts and it was one of those don't really want to end this conversation times. It was a deep breath in the middle of the day. A kiss from God to remind us He loves us that we bumped into each other in the bookstore. I had just sat down to review a book and she came walking back in and said, "Jen listen I'm heading over to Caffeinated to drop off a gift for someone, let's go get some coffee, do you have time to do that? I have other things I thought I needed to do but I can't think of one that's more important than how badly I needed this today." Do you see the theme...our plans, our calendar...GONE...for one that's far better!!
I am amazed at His provision I really am. I used to think, oh yes God will provide for my shelter and my clothing and my food and those necessary things in my world. As if my heart and my emotional needs were too small or too vulnerable or too something for Him to be very concerned about. You know what I'm learning, I'm learning that sometimes it's my emotions and my relationships and my heart He cares the very most about. I just delight in that at moments. Sometimes I catch myself with my face up to the sky just taking a deep breath and saying, could you be any kinder to my heart God? Today was one of those days.
Think about how God is working right now to touch your heart, emotions, and relationships. Come on you know you want to...put your face up to the sky, smile real big, take a deep breath, and say it with me...
Could you be ANY kinder to my heart God?? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I LOVE HIM!!!
1 comment:
Hey. I'm glad I get a little time with you before you leave, too. You have always been a hug from God in my life. A calendar crumbler. You go and don't look back. Keep in touch, but don't look back. You're taking us with you, so no need to turn as you go.
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